Posts tagged ‘movies’

May 24, 2012

Best Movie Quotes….Ever Pt. 2

by mommahasapottymouth

Last night, while tossing and turning, it occurred to me that I left out some really awesome quotes from some brilliant movies. So here goes round two!

From “Scarface

  • “I’m Tony Montana! You fuck with me, you fuckin’ with the best!”
  • ” Say hello to my little friend!”
  • “I never fucked anybody over in my life didn’t have it coming to them. You got that? All I have in this world is my balls and my word and I don’t break them for no one.”

 

From “Diary Of A Mad Black Woman

  • “Well, peace always comes with still…” [takes out gun] “’cause I keeps me a piece o’ steel.”
  • “Every time I try to read the Bible… and Jesus… the one with all the words in red… I open my Bible to that New Testimony and see all that red and I just give up. Jesus was talkin’ way too much.”
  • “I’m not bitter. I’m mad as hell.”
  • “I aint scared a no po po. Call da po po hoe… Call da po po hoe.”

 

From”Talladega Nights”

  • “Susan, I’ve never heard you talk like that… Are we about to get it on? Because I’m as hard as a diamond in an ice storm right now.”
  • “Shake and bake”
  • “Shut up, Chip, or I’ll go ape-shit on your ass!”
  • “Chip, I’m gonna come at you like a spider monkey!”
  • “Chip, I’m all jacked up on Mountain Dew!”
  • “Dear Lord baby Jesus, lyin’ there in your ghost manger, just lookin’ at your Baby Einstein developmental videos, learnin’ ’bout shapes and colors. I would like to thank you for bringin’ me and my mama together, and also that my kids no longer sound like retarded gang-bangers.”
  • “If you ain’t first, you’re last.”

 

There, I think I am done! If y’all have any that I left out, let me know. Ill be adding a part 3 some day, so look for it.

 

( not all of these on this or the first post came from my head. A lot came from here, I just remembered that I loved the movie and looked up the exact words. So I didn’t sound silly adding or leaving out words.)

May 23, 2012

Assume the Position

by mommahasapottymouth

You thought after potty training, all the nastiness would be done, right? Yes, I am right. Well, you should have prepared better. Because after your little angel learns to use the toilet, many new things will happen to you!

Oh honey, your job is not quite done yet!

My favorite (*insert sarcastic voice) thing to hear at any given point of the day is “Momma! I pooped!” Followed instantly by “WIPE MY BUTT!” I am not kidding. Just because they now know when they need to go, and more times than not, they find their way to the potty, your job is not done!!

This morning, I walked out of my room, and almost fell on top of AM, who had, much to my surprise, assumed the position. That position would be something along the lines of on all fours, ass up in the air. She sees me and says ” There you are Momma! I was waiting for you to wipe my butt. I pooped.” Well, gosh, sorry to keep you waiting princess!

The worst is when she has (this is her own words here, not mine) “Esplodie butt,” and don’t worry. I wont paint that picture. Or when she decides to try to do the job her self. An entire roll of toilet paper, and half of it stuck between her cheeks. Nice!

Are you ready for this to be your #1 purchased item?

So don’t get all high and mighty just yet, because the fun part is just starting. Now, your children will announce to the ENTIRE area (store, restaurant, or any public place) that they  need to poop. And teaching them not to really bare it all is hard, to say the least. They like conversation while getting the job done. They want you to know that they know they stink. And everyone else. And when they are done, they want to know what color it is and if it is indeed “Esplodie.” Then they will bend over and put their nasty ass right in the air (have you been in a public restroom lately? Kinda cramped) and proudly ask you to “WIPE MY BUTT.”

Oh, don’t forget to let them flush. That’s really all they like to do.

May 22, 2012

Best Movie Quotes…EVER

by mommahasapottymouth

I have a thing for one liners, a bad thing. Some movies will stay with me until my dying day, just because of one line! I want to share them with you, so you too can be a “One-Liner” fan! Enjoy!

From “Knocked Up”

  • “I wont say it, but it sounds like shmashmortion.”
  • Ben” Do you want to do it doggie style?”

Allison “Your not going to fuck me like a dog.”

          Ben “It’s doggie style. It’s just the style. We don’t have to go outside      or        anything.”

  • Daughter after being asked where she thinks babies come from ” Well. I think a stork, he umm, he drops it down and then, and then, a hole goes in your body and there’s blood everywhere, coming out of your head and then you push your belly button and then your butt falls off and then you hold your butt and you have to dig and you find the little baby.”

From “Big Daddy”

  • Sonny: “Julian what do you want?”
  • Julian: “Thirty packets of ketchup”
  • ” I wipe my own ass! I wipe my own ass.”

From ” Step-Brothers”

  • Robert better not get in my face… ’cause I’ll drop that motherfucker!”
  • “I tea-bagged your drum set”
  • “Mom, I honestly thought I was gonna be raped for a second. He had the craziest look in his eyes. And at one point he said, “Lets get it on.”

From “Anchor Man”

  • “I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly”
  • “Oh Ron, there are literally thousands of other men that I should be with instead, but I am 72 percent sure that I love you.”
  • “I wanna say something. I’m gonna put it out there; if you like it, you can take it, if you don’t, send it right back. I want to be on you.”
  • “He punted Baxter!!!”

From “Anger Management”

  • “I want to have children with you! Children! With your eyes and my… last name! That’s all I want.”
  • “Dave, there are two kinds of angry people in this world: explosive and implosive. Explosive, which is the most common, is the type of individual you see screaming at a grocery store cashier for not taking his coupon. Implosive, the least common, is the cashier at the store who remains quiet at his job day after day until he then finally loses it and just shoots everyone in the store. You’re the cashier.”

From “Fried Green Tomatoes”

  • “I don’t know what’s worse, church or jail.”
  • “That’s right, you gump-face, blown up, baboon-assed bastard! “

And finally, one of my mommas favorite movies:

“Steel Magnolias

  • This is it, I’ve found it, I’m in hell.”
  • ” Well, you know what they say: if you don’t have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me!”
  • “Oh, Sammy’s so confused he don’t know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt”
  • ” I love ya more than my luggage.”
  • ” You are too twisted for color TV!”
  • “I’m not crazy, I’ve just been in a very bad mood 40 years!”
  • “A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste.”
  • “What’s the matter with you these days, M’Lynn? You got a reindeer up your butt?”

 

By the way, my momma knows almost every line to that last one. Its cute sometimes I don’t think she even relies that she is quoting it anymore!

 

April 30, 2012

Romance Movies S U C K

by mommahasapottymouth

I think America ( see, I can’t speak for any other part of the world, I aint ever been there) needs to let go of the idea that romance in the movies is or ever could be real life.

The only thing in life that is magical is something beautiful that you can touch. Like the way that snow makes no sound when it falls and almost silences all other noises. Other than that there is not “magical romance fairy” that is going to come bestow you and your love any type of dust to make things more romantic.

The way I see it, romance ( in very little amounts) is all used up in the beginning. Once the catch has been made. After every one feels comfy that the relationship is worth while and the other is not going anywhere, they both change.

No, I’m not bitter. I learned a while ago that once its gone, sadly its gone and nothing can bring it back.

Here is my list of top offenders in the movie department:

  • P.S. I love you. Seriously I couldn’t finish it. partly because I was crying my eyes out and also because no man thinks like that. Sorry.
  • Ghost. Really?????? Please just read previous entry
  • Pretty Woman. I really did love this one. But you know that guys romance was gone quick. I mean he was expecting a whore.
  • Twilight– this should be up way higher on the list. I love the movies (guilty pleasures, don’t mind if I do!) but for god sakes!!! I know he (like all vampires) was supposed to suck her blood, not make a damn baby!
  • The Notebook. ‘Nuff said
  • Lady and the Tramp. My favorite child hood movie but it had to make the list.

There are many more I am sure. I just feel like my baby girl (and my son) is going to grow up with this expectation that there will always be romance. And that if there isn’t there is something wrong.

I don’t want my daughter to expect flowers or showers of gifts. I don’t want her to think that every time he speaks that butterfly filled poems are going to be what she hears.

I also don’t want that pressure for my son. I don’t want him to feel like he doesn’t fit into society if he doesn’t fill a locker at school with balloons, or have his ol’ lady come home to a path of roses leading to a steamy bath filled with candles and bubbles.

And lastly, because I don’t get that kind of romance!

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