Posts tagged ‘relationships’

February 17, 2013

The rules of relationships

by mommahasapottymouth

I think the problem I have is that I just care way to god damn much. I care about people who cant seem to fucking return it. I am trying to change that about my self but god damn it, its hard.

The worst thing about not having it returned is the amount of time you invest into something only to watch it crumble. I have sat back and watched all kinds of relationships fail because the lack of caring. After you try to try for so long, you begin think that it’s not going to work, and in the end it does not. I wish that the people who I unconditionally care about would return it, so I am writing these simple rules. Maybe some of you are hurting someone and there is still time to fix the problem??

 

  1. You can have more than 1 friend, but only 1 friend will know you the best. It sucks I know.
  2. Don’t try to make others jealous. We are not in high school. (In the chance that you ARE in fact in high school, listen here: That shit don’t fly in the real world, so just stop now)
  3. Be selfless. Dont expect the favor to be returned every time.
  4. Return the favor if you are always the taker. It goes a long way to preserving a friendship or relationship by showing that you are in fact grateful.
  5. Say your sorry, but don’t say it so much that it loses its meaning.
  6. Say what you mean. Again, who ever it is that this applies to, we are all grown ups for Petes sakes! If your feelings are hurt, FUCKING speak the hell up!!!
  7. A friendship is not a contest. Don’t compete with others for one persons attention. If they are truly your friend/love, there will be no contest.
  8. Know them. I mean really know them. Know the things they hate, and love.
  9. Never speak horrible things and always defend. If your my best buddy or my love, no matter if you are right or wrong, I will always speak good things and I will always defend you to anyone else. It’s just how it works.

But the main thing to being in a relationship or friendship that works is this golden rule:

DON’T LEAVE!

If you still love someone (mushy type or otherwise) you stay by their side, thru thick AND thin. You don’t trade them in for something that sounds better, because when better fails, they may not let you back in.

It turns out that I wish I had a friendship that followed these rules.

 

I found this poem and if my only good friend happens to read this, it pretty much is how I feel.

I Love You Too

Twenty Rules to Being Your Best Friend

1. When you’re depressed, I’ll scare the crap out of you so you’re too busy calming your heart rate to keep being depressed.

2. When you trip and fall flat on your face, I’ll point and laugh, and if anyone else dares, I’ll beat them up to a pulp.

3. When you get a boyfriend you really like, I’ll tease you endlessly about him, and when you’re not looking, I’ll march up to him and warn, “She’s my best friend; you break her heart, I’ll break your face.

4. When you’re blue, I will try my best to dislodge whatever is choking you.

5. When you’re standing by the water or on the diving board, I’ll push you into the water and laugh at you.

6. When you say “I hate you!” I’ll respond “I love you too.”

7. We can never discuss anything serious because whenever we try, we always end up rolling around in laughter.

8. My dream future always includes you.

9. When you grin, I know it’s not necessarily because you’re happy, but because you’re plotting something, and it involves me.

10. When you are trying to avoid somebody, I will invite that somebody to your house, lock you two in your room and demand you make amends or else I’m not unlocking the door.

11. I will humiliate myself to make you laugh when you’re sad.

12. When I discover an incredibly scary video on the Internet or whatnot, I will send it to you just to freak you out.

13. I love you embarrass you.

14. When we laugh, we laugh together. When we cry, we cry together.

15. I can see right through you; I can read your mind; I always know how you feel when I’m in your presence.

16. I will never stop insulting you.

17. I know more about you than you do yourself.

18. Whenever you’re planning a prank, no matter how devious it might be, I want to be a part of it as long as you’re sure you want to go through with it.

19. When we play the Trust game, and you’re falling into my arms, I won’t catch you and I’ll laugh when you topple over onto the ground, but when you fall in real life, I’ll always be there for you.

20. I will always be there for you, no matter how many times I make fun of you.

 

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October 19, 2012

Turmoil

by mommahasapottymouth

I have been MIA for a while now because of home-grown emotional turmoil. I am at a loss at this point. So here is the deal:

We have lived in this house for something like 6 years now. We have had some Very great times, and some even GREATER bad times. To sum it up, we have been thru hell and back, a few times.

Now we are faced with losing our house. That doesnt really make me sad, just the circumstances around the way things went down. I know Matt has done everything that a girl could ask for, so not an ounce of this lies on him as failure to provide. There are others to blame here, but I will not point fingers.

Now, it is raining cats and dogs, starting to get cold and we need to find a new home that will accept our pets and his cars. Can y’all see the fun in that??

Oh and I am not sure if anyone has ever had the DIS-pleasure of living with an in law, but that possibility is looking more and more like the solution. And it’s not that I am not grateful for the help (ha ha) it’s just that I am not looking forward to being a prisoner in someone else home. Locked up tighter than an inmate, being told how to cook and clean, and when and what I can watch on TV (that is in my name btw).  My parents will never come to visit because they dislike the other parent more than I do (if that is even possible) .

If that is not bad, here is what is worse. I know I sound absolutely crazy right now, so please just bear with me. I am pretty sure that some how my phone is tapped. I have had numerous conversations that you would either have to be a part of or listing to know what was said. But, on those occasions word for word of those conversations have been repeated back to me. I have no clue as to how or why, but I know I am not crazy. (OK maybe a little.) And I have no way to prove this, or have a private conversation.

Well gotta go. Hes here.

September 10, 2012

Red Is The NEW Blonde

by mommahasapottymouth

I have a problem. Just a little one. I think I may have hair ADD. I get bored easy. I have done the boring things like the basic colors, and yes they are boring. I then went to high lights and that kinda thing.

When I was a kid and lived with the BioF ( Bio Father) my step mom would let me dye my hair any color I wanted… EXCEPT Red. And I would do it just to piss her off. Yes, I was wildly out of controll if you ask them. Lets not go there right now. Save that for a more juicy post when I have a few more drinks in me!

Anywho, I have done every color in the “box” line. And then I met Sallys Beauty Store. It is almost as good as a shoe store selling all their sexy boots at 1/2 price (did I mention I have boots?? Yes my MIL needed a reason to go shopping and I GLADLY took them off her hands) (Also did I mention that I think I may have a touch of ADD??) I found every thing I could ever want with in those walls (save the boots) and I became a regular in no time.

Soon, I got bored again, as is always the case. And then I found Temporary and Semi Permanent Color. Holy Moses!!!

I have always wanted to to someting crazy to my hair before I get “old”. Now some older women can pull off the unconventional colors, but I am sure that I would not be able to. So I bleached the front of my head and dyed it hot pink. It was amazing!!!!!

Hot Pink!!!

I went back to natural after a while. The reason was really because I was sick of getting carded all the time!

The red has been calling me for some time now. But I did not want burgandy or any other variation of red. I wanted RED RED. I walked in to Sallys last Saturday and pointed to a wall of extensions and said ” I want red hair, like this.” And a half hour later I walked out of the store ready to change my hair history.

Can I be so self boasting to say that I am in love with it and it looks amazing? That it fits my personality to a “T”? Yes, I think I can.

Pictures to follow!!

August 28, 2012

Guest Post: Store Day

by mommahasapottymouth

So far, the only guest that I have wanted to write with me is my brother-in-law. I am planning to keep it that way. If you don’t already know, he is in prison. If you do not have anything nice to say, please skip this post.

This is the main entrance to Clallam Bay Corrections Center

 

Store Day

By: Jeremy H

“If you have never been locked up its doubtful that you understand the significance of Store Day. I don’t even know that I can fully explain it but I will try.

The concept of Store Day is rather simple its the day we inmates get our commissary items. Not a big deal to free people, but quite important to us. Its like pay-day, Christmas, birthday, or panhandling day, depending who you are.

Our entire week revolves around Store Day. Here it begins Sunday when slips have to be turned in. Those that are fortunate enough to have a hob or a loved ones to provide money are able to order whatever goodies are on the store list. Many others can only run up a hygiene debt of generic soap, generic toothpaste, aspirin, paper, small pencils and envelopes.

Thus begins the long wait until Wednesday when Store arrives. This is a time of expectation and looking forward to something. There are few things in prison to look forward to and almost nothing beats Store Day. Off hand, visits are the only thing that come to mind.

Monday or Tuesday is when people tend to run out of things like coffee and soap. It’s a rare week when you don’t hear someone asking for a shot of coffee or a bar of soap “until Store Day.”‘

Every week we watch the Store cart get rolled to our unit and the anxiety skyrocket. You can feel the tension in the air. It doesn’t matter if you’ve got 1 envelope coming or a $30 sack or food you’re excited.

With the excitement comes the worries. Did the money make it on time? Did they run out of something you need? Did prices go up again and overdraw your order? Did your slop somehow get lost?

The wait continues minute by minute as each order is counted and checked for accuracy. The stress builds as you see the far left (Red) pod start to go out one by one to pick up their Store. The pod order is supposed to rotate week to week, Red-Brown-Green with each getting their chance at being the first pod. Funny thing is on Store Day, they ALWAYS start with Red pod.

Some people pace their cell waiting to be called. Most people (and I am one of them) wait at their cell door looking out and try to will the process to go faster. It reminds me of getting up at 3am on Christmas morning and staring back and forth from the presents to the clock wondering when Mom and Dad will get up. One by one people com back from the Store cart. Some are happy but inevitably there are those whose money didn’t make it on time, or worse, unfortunate enough to have ordered an out of stock item.

Next comes the repayment of thing borrowed, or debts incurred. Almost everyone has to make a move of some sort. Then there are the people with nothing looking for a handout. Already deals are being made for next Store Day and the excitement begins to build once again.

Next Store Day I’ll get…”

August 27, 2012

Oh So Much To Tell!!!

by mommahasapottymouth

So much to update, where the hell do I begin?? I have a justifiable reason for not blogging as often as I was. It was hot. Real hot. OK, not good enough? Fine. I was spending time with my kids. Still not good enough?? OK here is the real truth. My internet was slow and I was lazy. Those days my friend are gone. I am once again back.

this sums it up. got it and all pictures from bing!

First of all, my garden is my little patch of magic. I don’t think there is any other way to explain the way I feel about it. I started it with the intention of showing my daughter the changes from seed to seedling to plant to food or flower. Now, though it is just my sanctuary. Any one who sees it comments on how well it looks. And my petunias are something to see. Tomorrow I will take pictures for all to see and feel the awe that I feel every morning I walk thru it. It truly is amazing!

this is not what i have gathered from my garden, but it is how i feel its coming along!!

Next, my son, the little boy who holds my heart, has had some life changing mile stones happen since we last met. He is walking. He is drinkin moo-juice. He is one.

First Birthday Cake!!!

I will not lie and tell you that I am not sad about this. He is all I have asked for since I learned that I could bear children. While I do have AM, her daddy holds her heart. And since son and daddy’s birthdays are a week apart, this year I had a blow out party. It was huge. So big that I had several panic attacks leading up to my first glass of “Mommas Party Punch”. But, at the end of the day, I achieved the feeling I was looking for. I wanted Matt to know how special he is to me. I wanted my friends and family to be there to celebrate this time. I wanted magical. (There is that word again, I think it has to do with the 3 whipped vodka and Pepsi’s I have had tonight.) I set up Gazebos, put up white lights and decorated the shit out of my yard. I boiled 6 racks of ribs, and Matt bbq’d them to utter perfection. The beer was flowing and so was the good times. The only hitch was one person (who will go UN-named) took a few too many vodka shots and threatened my best friends husband and brother-in-law. It’s safe to say that Momma don’t put up with that shit.

And finally, I have been decluttering my house like Jesus him self-will come down to inspect. I even got the cupboards above the fridge. I used to have an empty fish tank sitting by my front door that over time became a “catch-all” if you will. It held everything from miscellaneous cords to fishing poles to toys that have been confiscated. Yes, it is gone. My daughter and son are down to a toy box each. My daughter sleeps in her CLEAN room. I am making real progress here. Y’all should be super proud of this momma.

 

So, again, to all you faithful readers, I am sorry that I have been MIA for quite some time. But it is safe to say that I am back-again. For now any way.

And tomorrow, please read about Matt’s injury and give me some advise as how to handle this!!

June 26, 2012

It Takes A Village

by mommahasapottymouth

I am reaching out here. In hopes that someone else is going thru what I am. I  am at my breaking point with my little princess, and I honestly do not know how much more I can take.

Before any of y’all call me a bad mother, remember that I have exhausted every avenue in discipline I can think of ( hence the fact that I am reaching out for help now) and nothing has worked.

So far, I have tried taking things away (example; when AM does not pick up her toys when it is time, I take them away). I have tried reasoning with her ( this is like arguing with the captain of the Debate team) I have tried a swat on the ass ( not a beating, but a touch to let her know I mean business, in which she laughs off) I have tried sending her to her room ( she always finds something to do in there so it’s not really a punishment) and I have tried time out. I am all out of options, and she is wining!

I can not live in a house where the three-year old child runs the show. Daddy doesn’t get to witness much of the things she does, because he works graveyard and has to sleep all day. Its her way, or everyone will pay for it.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my girl. I think she is the most intelligent little girl I have ever met. But that is not always a good thing. She out smarts me, and is very sneaky. She knows the words to use to get her way, every time. And she knows that she is cute and works it to her advantage.

Most times it just makes me white-hot mad. Other times, it is mortifying to hear the things she says or see the things she does. Just today, she told me she was going to shoot me in the face. She has never heard me or Matt threaten to shoot anyone! I have no clue where this is coming from!!

Pretty Please?

So, from one parent to many others, does any one have any advise?? Is my child lost forever? Is it too late to change her ways? Or, will she end up one of those mean girls??

(If you are going to bash me or my daughter in any way, don’t even try to comment. I also do not need help from someone who doesn’t even have kids, but thank you anyway!)

June 17, 2012

A Letter To My Husband

by mommahasapottymouth

We may not be legally married, but damn it, we may as well be. I don’t think that he hears positive things coming from me to often, and I think that is sad. I should be telling him how much he means to me on a regular basis, not just holidays and birthdays.

My Love,

                 Gosh! Its been so long since I have written to you, it almost feels strange. I’m sorry for that. Today, I realised that I do not say and show you how much I appreciate you very often. I need to change that.

            If someone where to tell me  almost 8 years ago that we would be here to-day raising 2 beautiful babies, I would have laughed in their face. I didn’t really have you pegged as the “daddy-type.” Imagine how surprised I was after AM came home with us? You have the natural “nurture” instinct in you that makes you so amazing. Both of those babies look at you with such love, sometimes, it leaves me a bit jealous. If anyone can say that they were blessed with a man who left them speechless and fulfilled with love, its me. Just watching you with them makes everything worth it. Thank you for being the daddy I have always hope to have for my babies.

              And us!! Look how far we have come! I will admit that we have had some very dark days, but I think that the happy days out number the dark ones. I know we have made mistakes and can not change the past, but I also think we have made some really great decisions together as well. I can tell you, there is no other man who loves me or ever has loved me the way that you do. We may not be romantic, and most days we don’t have our shit together, but we mesh well. We fit together like a puzzle. I couldn’t ask for anything more, because if you ask me, I have everything I have ever wanted and needed. I am truly blessed, and I have you to thank for that.

        If someone would ask me about the future, there is only one thing that I could bet my last breath on, and its that I will always want and need you. I want to grow old with you. I can see us as that cute old couple walking slow and holding hands. I can see us sitting on the porch drinking iced tea and eating pb&j sandwiches. In the last almost 8 years, I can say that the love I feel for you has only grown stronger. And as we have grown as individuals we have grown together. I know what makes you tick. I also know what food to cook when I must have a peace-offering. I know how you feel about most of the hot topics, and, I know what I have to do if you can’t sleep. I know you, it seems, better than I know myself. I always know how the situation will end, as it begins.

         The only thing I hope for us, is that we continue down the road we are on. I know they say nothing is perfect, and I can almost agree. The bickering, joking and rough housing is what makes this perfect to me. I can not imagine who I would be if you had not entered my life, and stayed by my side when EVERYONE in your corner told you to go. I know I am the most difficult person, and I understand that I am needy. But babe, the only thing I need is what I have.

                                                     With All My Love Always,

Windy

I know its corny and long-winded. But I needed to write that. Even if he will never read this, every word is true.

I love him!

 

June 16, 2012

As We Grow Up, I think We Grow Apart

by mommahasapottymouth

My family, I tell ya, has been through shit. I mean that very tenderly too, because most of the time, if I have the problem, they all have the problem. We are dysfunctional and hardly ever see eye to eye. We will always call bull shit, and be the first to point out a flaw. But, the essence of my family is that deep down, we are not just children and parents, or siblings. We are friends. I consider my momma to be one of my very best friends. I will not lie to y’all. Its taken about 21 (give or take) years to perfect it, and we still argue all the time. But, she is the first person I call when I am losing the battle with my lovely daughter, or when I have gossip that MUST be shared. With that said…

 

I am not going to call this person out, that may just be rude, and I am pretty sure my daddy would not approve of that, (I know your reading this and thinking ” oh lord! please get her to shut up before she tells some deep dark family secret” right daddy? Dont worry. ) But, I will say this. I think that it is so sad that someone who shares no blood relations with me or my children knows my children better than someone who does. I needed that person so many times through out my life, and, unless there was something in it for them, they wouldn’t come to my aid. I think they even told me (and I quote) “You’re fucking stupid Marlene. Why would you have a baby?” Same person said the same thing when I had my son. Didnt even bother to visit me after I had them.

I understand that my house is further away then the rest of my close-knit family. But see, the road that I have to take to come visit you also runs right back to my door step. Amazing how things work huh? I can count the number of times I have seen or spoke to them this year. It’s a pretty low number. Lower than 10.

So if you are reading this, and feel like you are the guilty party, I can assure you, you’re right. If you don’t want us in your life because we don’t fit your life style, well that is ok. But, when your gut starts telling you that maybe you need to make amends with me, please, either save your breath and paper, or make it worth my while. I am done waiting for you to decide to be apart of my children’s life.

June 13, 2012

There Is No Going Back From Here

by mommahasapottymouth

So I have made some fucked up decisions in my life time. I’ve hurt some really good people. I have also been hurt a time or two over the years. I think that is kinda what started my down hill spiral. Now is not the time to go into who did what to me, or how they did it, but I do need to get somethings off my chest before I explode.

Today, I had to learn from Facebook (of all the god damn places) that my ONLY sister graduated from high school. I am devastated. I knew it was comin, I just figured that we could set aside our differences for one night and I could be there to witness the good deed she accomplished. No such luck. I also knew that wouldn’t happen. I wont get into the terrible details, but I will tell you it started with her boyfriend. (I have no idea if they are still together) I make quilts, and me and all the kids in the family got fabric together to make for our grandma. All significant others (married or otherwise) were to be left off. Well, that just wouldn’t fly. She got so mad. Whatever. We got over it and kind of moved on. Then we hit our final bump. It was huge. When I was pregnant with JR, I was told that there was a chance that he could have Downs Syndrome. I was devastated. I ended up in the hospital that same night with kidney problems. The very first person I went to was my sister. She shot right back that I was a liar and ignorant. That I must be stupid because everyone knows that you can not see the baby’s brain in an ultrasound. I couldn’t believe she was saying those things. She didn’t even visit me in the hospital. I havent heard from her after she told me I was dead to her. I did tell her that I would always be here when she came down off her high horse.

You see, her and I have always had a rocky relationship. But I have always loved her. I was seven when she was born, and I admit I was a little jealous. I had always been the only girl. (I think at this point I need to let everyone who doesn’t know, she is my half-sister. My biological father remarried my step mom and had a baby with her. Not my daddy. ) Then, it kind of turned into a competition between us. My step mom hated me (and still does) so she went out of her way to make Missy the perfect little girl. I remember seeing my parents pick her Binky up after it fell on the floor and clean it off with their mouth (yuck!) and I tried to do the same thing and was scolded for it big time.

I eventually ran away from my mommas house when I was 14, (for a stupid low life boy my daddy hated, for good reason) and moved in with my father and his family. All was good for about 6 weeks. Then shit started to crumble. Big time, and soon after, both parents where at the bar every single night until closing. I had to take care of my sister and little brother. And she hated me for it. One time, I called my momma crying and Missy just wouldn’t leave shit alone. She was screaming in my face. I walked up the stairs to my room, talking to my momma to calm down. Missy ripped the phone cord out of the wall. Then she came up and started taunting me. I pushed her down the stairs by her face. The sad thing is, I didn’t feel any thing when I did that. Another time, she came into my room and started throwing things at me, shoes, movies what ever she could get her hands on.

Our relationship started to get better when I found out I was pregnant with AM. She became my best friend. She walked the mall with me, went to eat and talked to me every day several times. It was everything I had wanted for us. After my daughter was born, she sat right by me and watched them sitch me up. She loved my daughter.

After a while, things started to change. She started calling less, and coming to see her god-daughter less. I knew it had everything to do with me living an hour and a half away and that she had a boyfriend at her house. I understood.

One day, she started flipping out on me. Told me she hated me for calling CPS on our father. PSH! I had not even thought to ever do that, and if I had, it would have been done when I was still living with them. Soon after, was christmas and everything after that. I have yet to hear her voice in over a year.

click picture for photo credit

I apologize for the long-winded post. I just want y’all to know. If you have siblings, don’t ever take them for granted. Tell them you love them all the time. Never say good-bye on bad terms. Always work it out. My momma always told me “From cradle to grave, always love your brother (or sister) because he’s the only one you’ll ever have.” I never realized how true that was until this. And when you get to where I am, there is no turning back. Just remember that.

June 5, 2012

Road Trip With My Mother-In-Law, Pt. 1

by mommahasapottymouth

So, this Thursday night, me and my kids will be packing our travel bags (among lots of other things) and headed to Nana’s house. Good lord, I am nervous and excited at the same time.

Me and my MIL have not had the best of relationships thru out our almost 8 year relationship. I have been dishonest and bitchy, and at times she has been down right mean. I thought at first, this trip was more out of kindness to her son, or rather for his benefit, to make him see that she is trying with me. But, I think I was wrong.

Since my DH’s granny passed the day my son JR was born, we have been trying to work things out between us. I wont lie, it has been a VERY challenging road. There have been times that I went to her house and said not a single word to anyone besides my kids. Then not so long ago, she was diagnosed with the very thing that lead to her mother’s death, breast cancer.

I think somewhere (OK, I am positive) inside before she confirmed with her doc, I knew what the outcome was. And something inside me slightly turned from cold stone, to something a touch softer. ( What that would be called, I couldn’t tell ya) I wanted to do something. Take action. And whether she wanted it or not, I became a constant statue in her life. I talked to her almost daily ( almost as much as my own momma, but not quite). I couldn’t imagine what she was going thru. Because, in all honesty, if I was terrified, I couldn’t begin to comprehend what she felt.

(After her surgery, she started her radiation and chemo and, as of last friday she is now done with chemo. )

When we planned this trip a bout 2 months ago, I figured she was going to change her mind about taking me. We have never been anywhere together (except for lunch at Panera Bread or to do some light shopping) and I have never left my kids there over night. (You know they are a handful, don’t get all pissy with me ) But the closer it has gotten, the more we have talked about it.

Here is what I am terrified will happen:

  1. AM will be a total terror. I’m talking breaking things and screaming like a banchy.
  2. Neither AM or JR will sleep. That would just suck.
  3. I will get that wonderful surprise visit from Aunt Flo, right before I want to go for a swim.
  4. It will rain the whole time and we will be stranded in the hotel.
  5. I wont pack enough clothes for the trip, for any one of us.
  6. I will leave something we need, like medication, at home.
  7. I will leave something, like above, at the hotel.
  8. I will be home sick.
  9. AM will cry because she misses her daddy.

Oh what? You thought he was coming? No. Just me and the kids. Her and her youngest.

Leavenworth Wa, here I come

So, when I get back on Sunday, I will update y’all on how it all went down.

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