Posts tagged ‘friends’

March 25, 2013

The Mad Scientist In Momma PT 2

by mommahasapottymouth

If you failed to read part one of this, then you are missing out!! Go check it out here, yes yes, I’ll wait…

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Good. As you know, Pintrest! is not my friend!! I feel all ambitious every time I am there, but I can not stay away!!Any way.

I figured y’all would want to know the end result to my candy makin Tequila. Can I just say the green is freakin amazing!!! The lemon has yet to be added to anything, and anymore I am not a straight shooter. ( Don’t tell my friends from High School that though, they wouldn’t believe that for a second!!)

I also have to report that I tried doing this with Vodka:

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I went and got two 5th’s of the cheapest Vodka I could get ($6.25) and poured some into clean mason jars. I also bought a lot of candy. Watermelon Sour Patch Kids, 2 bags of Jolly Rancher jelly beans and marshmallows.

I picked out the blue and the pinkish red jelly beans and put all of each into a jar with Vodka and sealed. I also put 3 boxes of the Sour patch kids in to one jar and sealed it. With the marshmallows, I was worried about not being sweet enough so I added a sprinkle ( yea that is a measurement in my house) of raw cane sugar in to a tiny little jar. Here is what happened:

Jelly bean Vodka: The color change was almost instant. It took a little over a week to break down the jelly beans, and even then it didn’t break down fully. I shook the shit out of those jars every time I looked at them . I took a normal mesh strainer and ran the Vodka thru twice. After I took the mesh off of one of those mesh splatter guards ( please don’t ask me what the hell it is really called) and that got all the candy out.

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Watermelon Sour Patch Vodka: This one took a little less time to break down. Argh but it looked so disgusting when it was “fermenting” I almost nixed the whole idea, almost. The candy sort of broke up and then settled on the bottom, and the whole thing turned a yucky greyish color. I shook this one as often as the others too. At one point my DH told me it was bad, and smelled like rotten lemon. After a week and a half, I strained it the same way as above. In the end, I added a touch of pink food coloring, because I knew no one would touch it in the current color.

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marshmallow: This shit sucked. I dropped a ton of them into a small glass and poured maybe 2 shots over. I added a tiny bit of sugar and shook the shit out of it. After a day, they were gone. And it tasted terrible. I have no clue what I did wrong, but if anyone has an idea to make it tastier I am all freakin ears!!

I am happy to report that both of the watermelon vodkas turned out fantastic, while the blue jolly rancher was good, it was not AMAZING. I mixed them with plain ol Sprite, and hot damn, that shit is good.

There are two downsides to this idea of mine though: One, they still have the “Cheap Vodka Smell” which may very well turn out to be a blessing… and two, they absolutely do NOT taste like ” Cheap Vodka,” which in it self is a terrible thing. They tasted like the candy. Could turn out to be very dangerous to my health!

Until next time,

Drink it up and Cheers bitches!!!

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March 13, 2013

The Mad Scientist In Momma

by mommahasapottymouth

Damn that Pintrest!! I already have a semi crafty brain, and I have a love for creating something that can be used. So then Pintrest comes along and feeds that desire. Well to be fair, I guess it could be worse right?

Well guess what bitches?? IT JUST GOT WORSE!!! I found a recipe for CANDY INFUSED VODKA!!! Holy freakin shit!!

While I do not drink all the time, and I am not partial to vodka, I do love to have the occasional drink, and I do love me some candy! Mixing the two??? I have not decided if this will turn out to be my best or worst idea!

As I said, I like vodka, but it’s not my favorite. What is you ask? Tequila. See, since, well, it doesn’t really matter does it? Lets say for a long time me and Jose (Cuervo, that is) have a pretty good understanding of how our nights would go. Id do shots, about six, and then I would be sick! I knew what to expect every time. And, while it does have a tendency to make me extremely hot ( and therefore be forced to remove an article or two of clothing) it has never ever made me violent. Quiet the opposite.

I always thought that Tequila was supposed to be, well, yucky! Not so much my friends!! Have you met my other friend Petron? Ah yes, he is a good drink! Oh so smooth!! And quite spendy as well!!

So, apon stumbling on this amazing creation for vodka, I thought to my self … “why not Tequila?” And that is what led to this long drawn out post!!

I had a bottle of strong Tequila, just sitting there looking all pretty:IMG_20130313_150359

 

So I washed up two wide mouth quart jars:

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And in one I put two boxes of Lemon Heads Candy:

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And the other I put all the green and yellow Skittles from two boxes:

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Using a measuring cup, I put cup for cup of the Tequila into each jar, and then sealed them up. This is how they look:

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YUMMY! The blog I read said that you can leave them over night, or longer. And the longer you leave them the stronger the candy taste will be, so guess what this Momma is doing?? Yep, these puppies are staying put untill the candy has dissolved all the way!! I shake them any time I am in the kitchen also.

When the time comes for me to strain and taste, I will update for sure!!

Cheers bitches!!

February 17, 2013

The rules of relationships

by mommahasapottymouth

I think the problem I have is that I just care way to god damn much. I care about people who cant seem to fucking return it. I am trying to change that about my self but god damn it, its hard.

The worst thing about not having it returned is the amount of time you invest into something only to watch it crumble. I have sat back and watched all kinds of relationships fail because the lack of caring. After you try to try for so long, you begin think that it’s not going to work, and in the end it does not. I wish that the people who I unconditionally care about would return it, so I am writing these simple rules. Maybe some of you are hurting someone and there is still time to fix the problem??

 

  1. You can have more than 1 friend, but only 1 friend will know you the best. It sucks I know.
  2. Don’t try to make others jealous. We are not in high school. (In the chance that you ARE in fact in high school, listen here: That shit don’t fly in the real world, so just stop now)
  3. Be selfless. Dont expect the favor to be returned every time.
  4. Return the favor if you are always the taker. It goes a long way to preserving a friendship or relationship by showing that you are in fact grateful.
  5. Say your sorry, but don’t say it so much that it loses its meaning.
  6. Say what you mean. Again, who ever it is that this applies to, we are all grown ups for Petes sakes! If your feelings are hurt, FUCKING speak the hell up!!!
  7. A friendship is not a contest. Don’t compete with others for one persons attention. If they are truly your friend/love, there will be no contest.
  8. Know them. I mean really know them. Know the things they hate, and love.
  9. Never speak horrible things and always defend. If your my best buddy or my love, no matter if you are right or wrong, I will always speak good things and I will always defend you to anyone else. It’s just how it works.

But the main thing to being in a relationship or friendship that works is this golden rule:

DON’T LEAVE!

If you still love someone (mushy type or otherwise) you stay by their side, thru thick AND thin. You don’t trade them in for something that sounds better, because when better fails, they may not let you back in.

It turns out that I wish I had a friendship that followed these rules.

 

I found this poem and if my only good friend happens to read this, it pretty much is how I feel.

I Love You Too

Twenty Rules to Being Your Best Friend

1. When you’re depressed, I’ll scare the crap out of you so you’re too busy calming your heart rate to keep being depressed.

2. When you trip and fall flat on your face, I’ll point and laugh, and if anyone else dares, I’ll beat them up to a pulp.

3. When you get a boyfriend you really like, I’ll tease you endlessly about him, and when you’re not looking, I’ll march up to him and warn, “She’s my best friend; you break her heart, I’ll break your face.

4. When you’re blue, I will try my best to dislodge whatever is choking you.

5. When you’re standing by the water or on the diving board, I’ll push you into the water and laugh at you.

6. When you say “I hate you!” I’ll respond “I love you too.”

7. We can never discuss anything serious because whenever we try, we always end up rolling around in laughter.

8. My dream future always includes you.

9. When you grin, I know it’s not necessarily because you’re happy, but because you’re plotting something, and it involves me.

10. When you are trying to avoid somebody, I will invite that somebody to your house, lock you two in your room and demand you make amends or else I’m not unlocking the door.

11. I will humiliate myself to make you laugh when you’re sad.

12. When I discover an incredibly scary video on the Internet or whatnot, I will send it to you just to freak you out.

13. I love you embarrass you.

14. When we laugh, we laugh together. When we cry, we cry together.

15. I can see right through you; I can read your mind; I always know how you feel when I’m in your presence.

16. I will never stop insulting you.

17. I know more about you than you do yourself.

18. Whenever you’re planning a prank, no matter how devious it might be, I want to be a part of it as long as you’re sure you want to go through with it.

19. When we play the Trust game, and you’re falling into my arms, I won’t catch you and I’ll laugh when you topple over onto the ground, but when you fall in real life, I’ll always be there for you.

20. I will always be there for you, no matter how many times I make fun of you.

 

September 10, 2012

Red Is The NEW Blonde

by mommahasapottymouth

I have a problem. Just a little one. I think I may have hair ADD. I get bored easy. I have done the boring things like the basic colors, and yes they are boring. I then went to high lights and that kinda thing.

When I was a kid and lived with the BioF ( Bio Father) my step mom would let me dye my hair any color I wanted… EXCEPT Red. And I would do it just to piss her off. Yes, I was wildly out of controll if you ask them. Lets not go there right now. Save that for a more juicy post when I have a few more drinks in me!

Anywho, I have done every color in the “box” line. And then I met Sallys Beauty Store. It is almost as good as a shoe store selling all their sexy boots at 1/2 price (did I mention I have boots?? Yes my MIL needed a reason to go shopping and I GLADLY took them off her hands) (Also did I mention that I think I may have a touch of ADD??) I found every thing I could ever want with in those walls (save the boots) and I became a regular in no time.

Soon, I got bored again, as is always the case. And then I found Temporary and Semi Permanent Color. Holy Moses!!!

I have always wanted to to someting crazy to my hair before I get “old”. Now some older women can pull off the unconventional colors, but I am sure that I would not be able to. So I bleached the front of my head and dyed it hot pink. It was amazing!!!!!

Hot Pink!!!

I went back to natural after a while. The reason was really because I was sick of getting carded all the time!

The red has been calling me for some time now. But I did not want burgandy or any other variation of red. I wanted RED RED. I walked in to Sallys last Saturday and pointed to a wall of extensions and said ” I want red hair, like this.” And a half hour later I walked out of the store ready to change my hair history.

Can I be so self boasting to say that I am in love with it and it looks amazing? That it fits my personality to a “T”? Yes, I think I can.

Pictures to follow!!

August 27, 2012

Oh So Much To Tell!!!

by mommahasapottymouth

So much to update, where the hell do I begin?? I have a justifiable reason for not blogging as often as I was. It was hot. Real hot. OK, not good enough? Fine. I was spending time with my kids. Still not good enough?? OK here is the real truth. My internet was slow and I was lazy. Those days my friend are gone. I am once again back.

this sums it up. got it and all pictures from bing!

First of all, my garden is my little patch of magic. I don’t think there is any other way to explain the way I feel about it. I started it with the intention of showing my daughter the changes from seed to seedling to plant to food or flower. Now, though it is just my sanctuary. Any one who sees it comments on how well it looks. And my petunias are something to see. Tomorrow I will take pictures for all to see and feel the awe that I feel every morning I walk thru it. It truly is amazing!

this is not what i have gathered from my garden, but it is how i feel its coming along!!

Next, my son, the little boy who holds my heart, has had some life changing mile stones happen since we last met. He is walking. He is drinkin moo-juice. He is one.

First Birthday Cake!!!

I will not lie and tell you that I am not sad about this. He is all I have asked for since I learned that I could bear children. While I do have AM, her daddy holds her heart. And since son and daddy’s birthdays are a week apart, this year I had a blow out party. It was huge. So big that I had several panic attacks leading up to my first glass of “Mommas Party Punch”. But, at the end of the day, I achieved the feeling I was looking for. I wanted Matt to know how special he is to me. I wanted my friends and family to be there to celebrate this time. I wanted magical. (There is that word again, I think it has to do with the 3 whipped vodka and Pepsi’s I have had tonight.) I set up Gazebos, put up white lights and decorated the shit out of my yard. I boiled 6 racks of ribs, and Matt bbq’d them to utter perfection. The beer was flowing and so was the good times. The only hitch was one person (who will go UN-named) took a few too many vodka shots and threatened my best friends husband and brother-in-law. It’s safe to say that Momma don’t put up with that shit.

And finally, I have been decluttering my house like Jesus him self-will come down to inspect. I even got the cupboards above the fridge. I used to have an empty fish tank sitting by my front door that over time became a “catch-all” if you will. It held everything from miscellaneous cords to fishing poles to toys that have been confiscated. Yes, it is gone. My daughter and son are down to a toy box each. My daughter sleeps in her CLEAN room. I am making real progress here. Y’all should be super proud of this momma.

 

So, again, to all you faithful readers, I am sorry that I have been MIA for quite some time. But it is safe to say that I am back-again. For now any way.

And tomorrow, please read about Matt’s injury and give me some advise as how to handle this!!

August 27, 2012

Guest Post: Indian Story

by mommahasapottymouth

This is a guest post from my brother-in-law, Jeremy, who is currently in prison. As I have stated before, if you are not comfortable reading something that an inmate has written, please either pass this story by or, if you must, unfollow me. This man is paying his time, and in all honesty, I find him to be a creative genius. Please enjoy!


this is the scanned copy of what we received in the mail. I hope you enjoy as much as I do!

 

I am going to be adding more now. I just don’t have the hard copy any more. If you can read this, please take the time to do so!!

July 30, 2012

Guest Posts

by mommahasapottymouth

I would like to take the time to introduce the only person I would even think about letting do a guest post for me.  His name is Jeremy, but in my house we call him Fred.

Before I go any further with this, I want to make something VERY clear. I will not tolerate any one bad mouthing or saying anything hurtful about Jeremy’s situation. If you do not like what you have to hear after please just either don’t read or unfollow me. Easy pease.

 

Jeremy is my brother-in-law. He is the oldest of his siblings and has one daughter. He is one of the most creative writers I have ever had the pleasure of reading. He is always straight forward and never says anything but what he means. He is also serving in a state penitently.

 

This is where the don’t judge part comes in. He is a part of my family and I love him just the same as the rest of my in laws. (sometimes maybe a touch more, just kidding) He is paying the price for what he did. Again if you don’t want to read what he has to say, then please don’t. I will not approve of ANY mean or negative comments.

 

The first post will be up today.

July 20, 2012

This Potty Training Stuff Is For The Birds!

by mommahasapottymouth

Ugh! My daughter will be 4 in December and she still wears diapers at night!! I am sick to death of this! I imagined life with a 3-year-old much differently, to say it nicely.

I thought I had the day time stuff figured out, I really did. Then, last week she started peeing her pants during the day, sometimes right in front of the toilet. I know I know, maybe she just gets too immersed in her play and doesn’t realize it until it is way too late. Well, I am sick to death of that shit!

While I do not believe in punishment for an accident, there is a thin line this little girl is tip toeing on. When I was a little girl, before my momma married my daddy, she was married to this mean son of a bitch. He used to beat the snot outta her. One long night I peed the bed and I remember him grabbing me outta my top bunk and beating my ass. I will never be that kind of parent. But I also get the frustration that comes with this territory.

When my daughter learned to walk ( actually it was running she learned first, and it was at 7 months old) she also learned to take off her diaper. She hated it. Then she learned to pee on the carpet shortly after. We got her a potty seat and she wouldn’t go near it. Then she turned 2, and it was the magical number. My niece Nana was out for a few days and we took the little potty EVERY WHERE! Out side to play? Check! In the living room to watch cartoons? Check! If AM was there, so was her potty. Since we live a fair distance from everything, (grocery stores, the doctor’s office, my parents) we always just put her in a diaper when we left the house. One day my best friend told me to tell her no more diapers in the car, she would have to tell me when she needed to go. It worked. We have never looked back.

But, try as I might, I can not get my girl potty trained for bed. Some mothers brag about they left a diaper off their kid and instantly there was no accidents. Well I can tell y’all that doesn’t work with this kid. Oh, did I mention that she also takes it off in her sleep and climbs into bed with momma and daddy? Yes sir. Then we get peed on. Its great.

I have tried to reason with her. I have tried cutting down liquids at night. I have all together taken away liquids after dinner save a few sips if she is thirsty. I have tried waking her up in the night. What am I missing??? Can it be that my beautiful little daughter will have to remember to put her diaper on before bed on her wedding night???? God save me now!!

If you have kids, and you have conquered this long and frustrating step, do you feel like sharing your knowledge with this helpless momma?? And please save the “Oh my god! My little one did it all on their own!! At 1 years old!!” I could care less, to be honest.

July 12, 2012

The After Party

by mommahasapottymouth

I have not been on since, well a long time. I am sorry for that. But I have lots to say now. We will start with the After party, and how the party went down.

I decided not to make the watermelon keg, and I am so glad I didn’t go that route. I made more of a Sopdy/Punch. Here is how I made it:

I went to the local Farm stand and bought a massive amount of fruit. Watermelon, Rainer cherries, grapes, nectarines, plums, apricots, a mango, and some strawberries.

I bawled the watermelon

chopped the grapes and cherries

Sliced the cherries,

Cut up the nectarines apricots and kinda sliced the mango.

I added them all to a big bowl, in layers (which I do not suggest you try.)

I Then dumped in a 5th of vodka, and half a 5th of Bacardi Limon and part of a bottle of Apple pucker. I let it marry the flavors over night and all the next day.

I loved it, but, to make it taste better, in each glass I added a Pink Lemonade Capri Sun Pouch. (Hey, don’t judge, there where kids at this party. )

The Good:

Most of the fruit was so amazing, you forgot you where getting drunk.

Even the Juice from the fruit and Liquor strait was slightly sweet, and had a fantastic flavor!

The Bad:

The watermelon soaked up both the Vodka and the Rum. Everyone who tried it couldn’t take the chunks of watermelon without a chaser.

It went by pretty fast!

In all everyone who tried it got a little tipsy, and it was refreshing on a warm night like the fourth. I will continue to be the one who brings the party to the party every year.

 

June 30, 2012

Pre-Party Fruit Experiment No. 1

by mommahasapottymouth

So we are doing a big party at my best friends house this year for the fourth. I am planning to do something over the top in terms of the liquor department. Right now I am in the process of conducting an experiment with strawberries and Tequila Rose. Here is whats goin on in my fridge at the moment:

I bought 2 big things of strawberries from the grocery store today. My children love them, and I am going to try to get them alcoholic. I only had half a bottle of Tequila left so I figured what the hell, let’s try.

I found the smallest softest berries and cut the stems off, and just the tip of the end. Then I took my paring knife and took out just a tad of the core out. I tossed them in to a bowl with a tight fitting lid and poured the Tequila right over top. I will leave it in the fridge over night, and check things out. I expect that they will no longer be a brilliant red color but instead a light pink. I figure that they will be good and soaked and, what ever Tequila is left I will be able to make a drink out of. Win in my book.

If this goes the way I hope it will, I plan to make a big platter of these along with a keg of sorts watermelon. This is what I will do.

I have to buy more than one watermelon because children will be present and they all love watermelon. Cant have the children eating my treats, right?? I will cut a small portion of the top off

click for credit

and try to get some of the pulp loosened up. Then I am going to pour in a nice amount of straight Vodka. I will replace the lid and let it sit in my fridge until the liquid is absorbed. Then I am going to take another type of liquor (I was thinking coconut rum, but coconut and watermelon?? weird in my book.) maybe a strawberry or some type of fruit schnapps or vodka and dump another generous amount. I will replace the lid and let it sit untill the party starts. My plan for the party is to scoop the pulp that is loose in to cups and serve that. Once the pulp is gone, I plan to cut it up and pass it out to eat.

So does my plan sound stupid?? Gross? Would you change any thing in the recipe? Have you tried any of this? How did it turn out??

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