When I Think About Doing Things…. I Do Them!

So I have been off the grid the past few days, doing a little research for my upcoming post about fleas and ticks. Anyway, I have had nothing “post worthy” to add, so I decided not to waste anyones time. That is, untill tonight.

As y’all my little princess has  been driving me nuts lately, with her attitude ( yes, she gets that from ME) and plain mean girl ways. And today was no exception. She woke up all pissy. I didn’t make bacon so that made her grumpy. Daddy wanted to watch something he recorded last night, she was not happy about it. I wanted to wait until at least the sun was up before we went outside. Really the list goes on

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And this my friends, is where it ended tonight:

I put her in the bath and my mother in law called. I turned off her water and stepped into the kitchen to clean up a bit. I checked on her to make sure all was good. Then I went out to stand on the porch. About 10 minuets later, I went in to check on her. Well much to my surprise, all was NOT! The water was running. I hung up on my mother in law and went berserk.

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 My words where ” WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO THIS FOR?? WHY THE HELL IS THE WATER ON??”  She replied (caught off guard, and quiet shocked that I did not find this to be the very best thing that has ever happened in our home, judging by the look on her face.) “I didn’t do it!” I shut off the water and ran to our door, busted in on Matt, shouted ” HONEY!! DONT COME OUT HERE WE HAVE A BIG SITUATION!” ( yes because yelling at the top of my lungs to not follow me to the bathroom has always worked in my favor) He asked what happened and I told him that “HIS” daughter (childish I know) flooded our bathroom. I have never seen him move so fast!

He looked in, was speechless ( in all honesty, this was the best reaction. I already flipped out) and then asked very calmly “Bug, why did you do this?”(ok so this did make me a tad mad) And you you know what her reply was?

“MOMMA DID IT!”

WHAT????

 Are you joking me? So I chimed in, ” No I didn’t!” ( we sounded like little teenage girls) To which she replied, :” The water turned on by its self!” And her dear daddy ( really he must be a saint because he was so damn calm) stated that “Baby, water just doesnt turn its self on.” And then she said ( ugh I just threw my hands up)

” UGH DADDY! When I think about doing things, I just do them!”

Well if that is not the understatement of the god damn year.

When did my beautiful little girl turn into such a monster?? Maybe the Zombies have already started, and she is one of them???

Seriously the water was up to my ankles and out in the hall. I have no towels left to take a shower my self, and when I made JR’s bottle, he had to have cold water, because his wonderful sister decided my floor needed all the warm.

I guess the one good thing is that now I no longer need to mop the bathroom floor, and that entire end of the house smells like Baby Magic.

Day in the life of a 3 year old …

I think it would only be fair for y’all to understand how my daughter works, so you can understand why I get so ticked. So this is her NORMAL routine. Get ready!

3:30 AM: Climb into momma and daddy’s bed. Asks for her “show” and some milk.

3:45  AM: Asks momma millions of questions. realizes that her “show” is back on and shuts up.

4:00 AM: Decides to wake little brother, since momma can not be roused.

4:15 AM: Does something so make brother scream, (I think she pinches him, but who knows?) waking momma up.

4:30 AM: Goes in search of poor little kitty. Brings him back to mommas bed.

5:00 AM: Wakes momma up again, telling her “Momma! Brothers crying!” Momma gets up.

5:30 AM: Watches momma make brother a Baba, and coffee. As soon as the first cup is drank, PROMPTLY falls back asleep.

9:00 AM: Wakes up. Hungry.

9:30 AM: Argues anything that is not bacon for breakfast. She normally wins.

10:00 AM Plays with what ever toy is available. Even if brother is playing with it.

11:00 AM: Finds momma. Shes hungry again.

11:10 AM: Eats again.

12:00 PM: Watches something on TV, still hungry.

Between 1PM and 5 PM: Is mean to various animal, usually who ever is closest. Floods the bathroom. Takes her brothers toys. Yells that she is hungry ( her favorite time to do this is if momma is on the phone, but any time will do) . Eats. Watches TV.

5:30 PM: Hungry. Again.

6:00 PM: Dinner time, but refuses anything except hot  dogs, chicken nuggets, and mashed potatoes. She does not win, but sometimes, only eats like a bird.

7:00 PM: Bath Time! I think this is the best time of the day for her. As y’all know, she loves bubbles.

7:30 PM: Forced exit from the tub, as she will stay in untill her lips are blue and her teeth are chattering.

7:45 PM: Brush teeth, add lotion, braid unruly hair. This too usually ends in fight.

8 Pm – 9 pm: Lays on the couch, and zonks out.

 

Then repeat. EVERY single day. I know I am blessed in being allowed to stay home with her and watch her grow. But, she makes me want to pull out my hair.

 

My me time is when she is either occupied ( bless that little kitty of hers. I’m going straight to hell for the little guy) or sleeping. Its sad, but she is my everything and I wouldn’t change this ( OK maybe a few parts of my day) for anything.

Just tell me I am not alone in this here??

Horrible Momma

I know that I am a horrible momma. I know that I am setting horrible examples for my babies. Like swearing, and smoking. I know these things but I am such a terrible momma that I continue down this path.

This will be short and sweet, because my DH is home tonight and I dont often get to snuggle with him. I would like to share with y’all the newest addition to my house.

Its called soap, Irish Springs to be exact. And its going to be AM’s new best friend if she does not loose the potty mouth. ( Comon guys I know y’all are telling me its my fault but shit! Do as I say not as I do right?)

Today she told me to “Fetch.” You can see why I might be a little confused, as I have learned to walk on my two legs and, I have thumbs. So I asked her to repeat her self. I’m a little sorry I did. She said at the top of her lungs ” Fetch ME my milk bitch” Oh my God. She really wanted me to smack her I do believe.

As it is not socially acceptable ( legally either I guess) to beat the crap out of your kids or even smack ’em when they don’t act right, I went to plan B. I ran ( Yes I did run) down the hall and grabbed the box of her daddy’s (horrid) soap. I made him write “POTTY MOUTH” on it and then I made her hold it (to her nose) for three minutes. I told her next time I hear a bad word outta that pretty little mouth she’d be chewing on it. I have yet to decide weather I will hold my self to that.

I remember only ever one time having to try the soap. My brother got it way more often the I did ( And I grew up to swear like a trucker) but I do not believe that I ever called my momma a bitch (ok one time, and I am truly sorry about that. I got a pretty just punishment as well) Momma always fancied Dawn Dish soap by the way.

So I will leave you with that little tid bit of my otherwise wonderful day!

Things EVERY parent should know

Being the momma of two beauties, AM and Jr, my ideas of parenting have wildly changed thru out the course of three years. This is my list of things y’all should know. Seriously burn this crap into your brain like now!

1. Never say I wont be that kinda parent. Really. Before you might think you know, but the bottom line is you have NO clue.
2. Parenting must be consistent, as should punishment. You can’t let ’em get away with something one day because it fits your needs and the next day flip out. This teaches them that you are in fact a door mat that they previously thought you where.
3. Bubbles and Balloons fix EVERYTHING. Seriously.
4. Your child is a little artist. This means hide the food coloring, sharpies, pens and pencils or your home will be their canvas.
5. Children are not born knowing hate. Don’t teach them.
6. Grandmas and Grandpas are supposed to spoil. It’s in their Handbook.
7. Kids are noisy. When they are quiet its time to investigate.
8. Some children are under the assumption that along with artist, they are also beautician and vet. Invest in locks and baby gates. Keep sour cream and butter out of reach and, seriously just toss the scissors out the second you find your having a baby.
9. Love them with all you got, and they will love you back. Its true.
10. They will embarrass you. Fits will be thrown and you will want to scream. There will be a point that at least on fit will be thrown at the local Wal*Mart. Get used to the idea now. It will be OK.

I am sure there are more. Please feel free to add to this list if I have missed anything!! Remember, kids are fun, as long as you know what you are getting your self into!

Bubbles and Balloons

I think I may be crazy. But that’s OK.I think you may agree with me when I say that most of (if not all) the country (dare I say world?) problems could be solved with a big dose of bubbles and a huge bouquet of balloons??It seems to me that anytime there is a boo boo or and ouchie, either of the two (sometimes both) are the end all fix all. Have you ever heard the laugh of a child with a thing of bubbles? Or the extra pep in the step of a kid with a balloon?

I wish for all of humanity to feel the optimism of that of a kid with balloons. I wish we could all take a deep breath in and when we let out, the troubles and problems would be released as big sparkling bubbles.

Who knows? maybe our children are on to something…