Posts tagged ‘stupid parents’

March 25, 2013

The Mad Scientist In Momma PT 2

by mommahasapottymouth

If you failed to read part one of this, then you are missing out!! Go check it out here, yes yes, I’ll wait…

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Good. As you know, Pintrest! is not my friend!! I feel all ambitious every time I am there, but I can not stay away!!Any way.

I figured y’all would want to know the end result to my candy makin Tequila. Can I just say the green is freakin amazing!!! The lemon has yet to be added to anything, and anymore I am not a straight shooter. ( Don’t tell my friends from High School that though, they wouldn’t believe that for a second!!)

I also have to report that I tried doing this with Vodka:

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I went and got two 5th’s of the cheapest Vodka I could get ($6.25) and poured some into clean mason jars. I also bought a lot of candy. Watermelon Sour Patch Kids, 2 bags of Jolly Rancher jelly beans and marshmallows.

I picked out the blue and the pinkish red jelly beans and put all of each into a jar with Vodka and sealed. I also put 3 boxes of the Sour patch kids in to one jar and sealed it. With the marshmallows, I was worried about not being sweet enough so I added a sprinkle ( yea that is a measurement in my house) of raw cane sugar in to a tiny little jar. Here is what happened:

Jelly bean Vodka: The color change was almost instant. It took a little over a week to break down the jelly beans, and even then it didn’t break down fully. I shook the shit out of those jars every time I looked at them . I took a normal mesh strainer and ran the Vodka thru twice. After I took the mesh off of one of those mesh splatter guards ( please don’t ask me what the hell it is really called) and that got all the candy out.

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Watermelon Sour Patch Vodka: This one took a little less time to break down. Argh but it looked so disgusting when it was “fermenting” I almost nixed the whole idea, almost. The candy sort of broke up and then settled on the bottom, and the whole thing turned a yucky greyish color. I shook this one as often as the others too. At one point my DH told me it was bad, and smelled like rotten lemon. After a week and a half, I strained it the same way as above. In the end, I added a touch of pink food coloring, because I knew no one would touch it in the current color.

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marshmallow: This shit sucked. I dropped a ton of them into a small glass and poured maybe 2 shots over. I added a tiny bit of sugar and shook the shit out of it. After a day, they were gone. And it tasted terrible. I have no clue what I did wrong, but if anyone has an idea to make it tastier I am all freakin ears!!

I am happy to report that both of the watermelon vodkas turned out fantastic, while the blue jolly rancher was good, it was not AMAZING. I mixed them with plain ol Sprite, and hot damn, that shit is good.

There are two downsides to this idea of mine though: One, they still have the “Cheap Vodka Smell” which may very well turn out to be a blessing… and two, they absolutely do NOT taste like ” Cheap Vodka,” which in it self is a terrible thing. They tasted like the candy. Could turn out to be very dangerous to my health!

Until next time,

Drink it up and Cheers bitches!!!

January 21, 2013

When Kids WONT Eat

by mommahasapottymouth

Ahh…. the joys of parenting. When your precious little baby will eat anything you put in her mouth, relish in it. I promise you it will not last! In fact, about the time your angel turns 3, that will change.

I think when a kid is born, they are pre programmed for certain things. For instance, ONLY liking hot dogs and chicken nuggets. Gosh, my house is a nightmare when it comes to eating!! Take last night:

not my kid but this sums it up

I cut up pork and fried it in to little chunks. After I simmered it in some orange sauce. I also made rice to go with. I can not tell you how good it was. (OK I can, AH-MAZ-ING!!) But, AM is way to head strong to want try it. It was a battle untill bed time.

See normally I cook for an army, in the assumption that Matt is not the only on who is going to eat. And EVERY SINGLE night I end up throwing AM’s dinner out. Unless it is hot dogs chicken nuggets or pizza.

 

Frankly, I am fed up of feeding the Seagulls at the god damn dump. They eat better than most freakin dogs!

Last night was the first time I stuck to my guns, and did not make her something else. If she is hungry, she will eat. Right? But, with that in mind, how long does not giving in make sense? This morning I made english muffins and bacon. If given the chance, AM will eat a pound of bacon and nothing else. So, I gave her the muffin first and told her when she finishes that she can have some bacon. Well, I’ll tell you what she did, sneaky little shit:

Tore it in half. Ok, I can deal with that, maybe it was too big to hold or something. Then she sucked ( yes, you read that right. ) the butter out of it. So I am thinking however you go about eating it sweaty, and she picks up both halves and stretches, the food going to the god damn dog! She says ” Aw dang it! Buddy stole my food!!” Now, buddy is no saint, and he is known for doing this. Had I not seen it, the dog would have got an ass beating and she would have gotten bacon!

So there is no way I can be the only parent who is going thru this! Anyone knows what to do??  How long can I tell her no before I break??

January 16, 2013

Guns

by mommahasapottymouth

know your WordPress feed is full of Gun control and the second amendment, but I need to have my fair say.

(I am not going to say much on President Obama. But I will say this; and DO NOT confuse this for anything other than what I am actually saying. Also, please know that I am not really religious, although I do believe in a higher power. )

I while ago ( actually, just before Obama’s first term) I read an entire collection of books called “Left Behind”, and it talked about the Anti-Christ. How he was so smooth and charismatic. And how he can have you believing him with no effort. And then Obama entered our lives. Most of the nation was under his wonderful spell with the hopes of a better tomorrow.

But something had me holding back…. and soon my mind kept going back to the book.

Now, I am not actually calling our President the Anti-Christ. I am just saying that the similarities are quite, astounding.

Lets fast forward to our last Presidential race. Gun control was a hot button issue. Obama is very forward about how he feels and what he wants. I respect that. I, as a law-abiding citizen who is not a felon, do not want to be blind sided by false promises or beating around the bush.

Obama won, and is reinstated into office. That means that whether we agree or disagree, he is still our Commanding Officer. So lets  flash forward again, to about one month ago.

Sandy Hook elementary school. Many lives were lost, and it was an American tragedy. If you didn’t feel any emotion that day, you had no heart. AND then, the conspiracy theorist start. Let me say that I do not buy into that bull shit. NORMALY. But the video, well, now I do not know. I feel like the people who I have grown up believing wouldn’t be capable of a horrific act, well, where not being honest. (HA HA, honesty in D.C., what a joke right?)

But, now I am off topic. I don’t want to get into if it was an act, or if it was a true event.

Today, I sat down to watch the news. I cried. Not because of anything but what has happened to our wonderful country? What happened to the brave that we once where living amongst? Every other word out of Mr. Presidents mouth was “executive decision”. Almost like a threat. (this is what I heard, I am not saying this is actually what he said) ” If my country and my congress members do not like the Gun Control plan I have laid out, well too damn bad. I am President, and what I say goes!”

I did a little research. In another country, they banned guns. They (the people of that country) found other things that where just as deadly as the gun, and used that. (So, if we have a total ban, and people start using pots and pans as weapons, are we eventually going to have a ban on kitchen wear too?) Or in Seattle, we had a gun buy back some 20 years ago. Right after it finished, gun crimes tripled. WTF!

I guess what I am saying is that I feel like there is a bigger picture here that we are missing. Criminals do not follow laws. That is what makes them criminals. Even if we do end up with a total ban, I promise you there will be other ways they will obtain guns other ways. And if the government is successful in the quest, they will implement other weapons. Whats next??? A ban on biological weapons? Oh, right, yes there already is!

To finish this, I think that implementing the Universal Background checks is brilliant. Harsher laws? FUCKIN A! (but why are they not as harsh as they can be?) I also think that maybe a Universal list of potentially dangerous (but otherwise felony free) people, and people who are not in the mind-set to handle or operate a gun would be nice to see implemented. I also think that if you want to buy a gun, ANY gun, you should be required to go thru gun safety classes and prove that you are competent to own one. But taking them away?? Restricting what I can or can not own? Limiting the type of clip I can have?? Lets not!!

Now, if you will excess me, I need to go clean my AR!

(only kidding, I don’t have one yet!)

October 19, 2012

Turmoil

by mommahasapottymouth

I have been MIA for a while now because of home-grown emotional turmoil. I am at a loss at this point. So here is the deal:

We have lived in this house for something like 6 years now. We have had some Very great times, and some even GREATER bad times. To sum it up, we have been thru hell and back, a few times.

Now we are faced with losing our house. That doesnt really make me sad, just the circumstances around the way things went down. I know Matt has done everything that a girl could ask for, so not an ounce of this lies on him as failure to provide. There are others to blame here, but I will not point fingers.

Now, it is raining cats and dogs, starting to get cold and we need to find a new home that will accept our pets and his cars. Can y’all see the fun in that??

Oh and I am not sure if anyone has ever had the DIS-pleasure of living with an in law, but that possibility is looking more and more like the solution. And it’s not that I am not grateful for the help (ha ha) it’s just that I am not looking forward to being a prisoner in someone else home. Locked up tighter than an inmate, being told how to cook and clean, and when and what I can watch on TV (that is in my name btw).  My parents will never come to visit because they dislike the other parent more than I do (if that is even possible) .

If that is not bad, here is what is worse. I know I sound absolutely crazy right now, so please just bear with me. I am pretty sure that some how my phone is tapped. I have had numerous conversations that you would either have to be a part of or listing to know what was said. But, on those occasions word for word of those conversations have been repeated back to me. I have no clue as to how or why, but I know I am not crazy. (OK maybe a little.) And I have no way to prove this, or have a private conversation.

Well gotta go. Hes here.

September 10, 2012

Red Is The NEW Blonde

by mommahasapottymouth

I have a problem. Just a little one. I think I may have hair ADD. I get bored easy. I have done the boring things like the basic colors, and yes they are boring. I then went to high lights and that kinda thing.

When I was a kid and lived with the BioF ( Bio Father) my step mom would let me dye my hair any color I wanted… EXCEPT Red. And I would do it just to piss her off. Yes, I was wildly out of controll if you ask them. Lets not go there right now. Save that for a more juicy post when I have a few more drinks in me!

Anywho, I have done every color in the “box” line. And then I met Sallys Beauty Store. It is almost as good as a shoe store selling all their sexy boots at 1/2 price (did I mention I have boots?? Yes my MIL needed a reason to go shopping and I GLADLY took them off her hands) (Also did I mention that I think I may have a touch of ADD??) I found every thing I could ever want with in those walls (save the boots) and I became a regular in no time.

Soon, I got bored again, as is always the case. And then I found Temporary and Semi Permanent Color. Holy Moses!!!

I have always wanted to to someting crazy to my hair before I get “old”. Now some older women can pull off the unconventional colors, but I am sure that I would not be able to. So I bleached the front of my head and dyed it hot pink. It was amazing!!!!!

Hot Pink!!!

I went back to natural after a while. The reason was really because I was sick of getting carded all the time!

The red has been calling me for some time now. But I did not want burgandy or any other variation of red. I wanted RED RED. I walked in to Sallys last Saturday and pointed to a wall of extensions and said ” I want red hair, like this.” And a half hour later I walked out of the store ready to change my hair history.

Can I be so self boasting to say that I am in love with it and it looks amazing? That it fits my personality to a “T”? Yes, I think I can.

Pictures to follow!!

August 27, 2012

Guest Post: Indian Story

by mommahasapottymouth

This is a guest post from my brother-in-law, Jeremy, who is currently in prison. As I have stated before, if you are not comfortable reading something that an inmate has written, please either pass this story by or, if you must, unfollow me. This man is paying his time, and in all honesty, I find him to be a creative genius. Please enjoy!


this is the scanned copy of what we received in the mail. I hope you enjoy as much as I do!

 

I am going to be adding more now. I just don’t have the hard copy any more. If you can read this, please take the time to do so!!

July 30, 2012

Guest Posts

by mommahasapottymouth

I would like to take the time to introduce the only person I would even think about letting do a guest post for me.  His name is Jeremy, but in my house we call him Fred.

Before I go any further with this, I want to make something VERY clear. I will not tolerate any one bad mouthing or saying anything hurtful about Jeremy’s situation. If you do not like what you have to hear after please just either don’t read or unfollow me. Easy pease.

 

Jeremy is my brother-in-law. He is the oldest of his siblings and has one daughter. He is one of the most creative writers I have ever had the pleasure of reading. He is always straight forward and never says anything but what he means. He is also serving in a state penitently.

 

This is where the don’t judge part comes in. He is a part of my family and I love him just the same as the rest of my in laws. (sometimes maybe a touch more, just kidding) He is paying the price for what he did. Again if you don’t want to read what he has to say, then please don’t. I will not approve of ANY mean or negative comments.

 

The first post will be up today.

July 23, 2012

Its A Mommas World, The Rest Of You Just Live Here

by mommahasapottymouth

Its true. If you are not a Momma, you just exist. I don’t mean that to be rude, but Jeez, look around you! Oh, you need examples do ya? Well, turn on the damn boob tube!

It makes me sick to think that fathers get no attention. The dads that are there every day get no special slogans or media attention. They get no outstanding thanks. Because in society, only mommas can love and nurture their young. BULL SHIT!!

Yeah right!

Today I can not tell you all the commercials and ads for the mommas out there. But I can tell you how many I seen for daddy. One, and it wasn’t even remarkable, so I can not tell you what it was for. Lets break down the ones that I do know of, and y’all can add to them if I miss any:

Jiff Peanut butter: “Because choosy moms chose Jiff!”

Yep I just found this stupid sign! click for credit

To Their Moms, They Will Always Be Kids (P&G)

The new Motts Commercial

The Kleenex one aboutGetmommed.com”

Kid Tested, Mother Approved Kix Cereal.

 

That is all I can think of right now. But I do know there is more. Its sick and sad.

After I talked to Matt about writing this post, he did point out that I only notice the momma commercials because I am a momma. He has noticed a few daddy ones and thought it would be nice to include them too. So here is what he remembers:

A Jiff commercial about “Choosy Dads chose Jiff” (I can tell you I do not recall this)

The commercial about the little girl who is going driving and the dad is giving her a talk and suddenly she turns into a big girl. ( again I recall it but it must not have been that great if I can not for the life of me remember what they where advertising for)

Cheerios did one about a kid and his dad. (no recelation)

And finally the Huggies commercial where every time the dad opens his sons diaper the kid starts fire hosing the place. (this one I do remember, and I loved it)

 

I realize looking at my list that they seem relatively even, but they are not. I just can not think right now to get a good amount of examples for the mom side. I think y’all can help!! But what I would really like to know is does it matter to you? If you are a parent, do you care whether advertising companies give more air time to one parent rather than the other? Does it change how you purchase or what you purchase?? I know when I am shopping, it’s what I need and how much it’s going to cost me that matters the most. ( Some things though I do not care what the cost is, if they are tried and true that is all that matters to me) Commercials and ads do not really matter to me as much as prices and quality.

 

 

July 20, 2012

This Potty Training Stuff Is For The Birds!

by mommahasapottymouth

Ugh! My daughter will be 4 in December and she still wears diapers at night!! I am sick to death of this! I imagined life with a 3-year-old much differently, to say it nicely.

I thought I had the day time stuff figured out, I really did. Then, last week she started peeing her pants during the day, sometimes right in front of the toilet. I know I know, maybe she just gets too immersed in her play and doesn’t realize it until it is way too late. Well, I am sick to death of that shit!

While I do not believe in punishment for an accident, there is a thin line this little girl is tip toeing on. When I was a little girl, before my momma married my daddy, she was married to this mean son of a bitch. He used to beat the snot outta her. One long night I peed the bed and I remember him grabbing me outta my top bunk and beating my ass. I will never be that kind of parent. But I also get the frustration that comes with this territory.

When my daughter learned to walk ( actually it was running she learned first, and it was at 7 months old) she also learned to take off her diaper. She hated it. Then she learned to pee on the carpet shortly after. We got her a potty seat and she wouldn’t go near it. Then she turned 2, and it was the magical number. My niece Nana was out for a few days and we took the little potty EVERY WHERE! Out side to play? Check! In the living room to watch cartoons? Check! If AM was there, so was her potty. Since we live a fair distance from everything, (grocery stores, the doctor’s office, my parents) we always just put her in a diaper when we left the house. One day my best friend told me to tell her no more diapers in the car, she would have to tell me when she needed to go. It worked. We have never looked back.

But, try as I might, I can not get my girl potty trained for bed. Some mothers brag about they left a diaper off their kid and instantly there was no accidents. Well I can tell y’all that doesn’t work with this kid. Oh, did I mention that she also takes it off in her sleep and climbs into bed with momma and daddy? Yes sir. Then we get peed on. Its great.

I have tried to reason with her. I have tried cutting down liquids at night. I have all together taken away liquids after dinner save a few sips if she is thirsty. I have tried waking her up in the night. What am I missing??? Can it be that my beautiful little daughter will have to remember to put her diaper on before bed on her wedding night???? God save me now!!

If you have kids, and you have conquered this long and frustrating step, do you feel like sharing your knowledge with this helpless momma?? And please save the “Oh my god! My little one did it all on their own!! At 1 years old!!” I could care less, to be honest.

June 26, 2012

It Takes A Village

by mommahasapottymouth

I am reaching out here. In hopes that someone else is going thru what I am. I  am at my breaking point with my little princess, and I honestly do not know how much more I can take.

Before any of y’all call me a bad mother, remember that I have exhausted every avenue in discipline I can think of ( hence the fact that I am reaching out for help now) and nothing has worked.

So far, I have tried taking things away (example; when AM does not pick up her toys when it is time, I take them away). I have tried reasoning with her ( this is like arguing with the captain of the Debate team) I have tried a swat on the ass ( not a beating, but a touch to let her know I mean business, in which she laughs off) I have tried sending her to her room ( she always finds something to do in there so it’s not really a punishment) and I have tried time out. I am all out of options, and she is wining!

I can not live in a house where the three-year old child runs the show. Daddy doesn’t get to witness much of the things she does, because he works graveyard and has to sleep all day. Its her way, or everyone will pay for it.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my girl. I think she is the most intelligent little girl I have ever met. But that is not always a good thing. She out smarts me, and is very sneaky. She knows the words to use to get her way, every time. And she knows that she is cute and works it to her advantage.

Most times it just makes me white-hot mad. Other times, it is mortifying to hear the things she says or see the things she does. Just today, she told me she was going to shoot me in the face. She has never heard me or Matt threaten to shoot anyone! I have no clue where this is coming from!!

Pretty Please?

So, from one parent to many others, does any one have any advise?? Is my child lost forever? Is it too late to change her ways? Or, will she end up one of those mean girls??

(If you are going to bash me or my daughter in any way, don’t even try to comment. I also do not need help from someone who doesn’t even have kids, but thank you anyway!)

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