Posts tagged ‘Food’

March 13, 2013

The Mad Scientist In Momma

by mommahasapottymouth

Damn that Pintrest!! I already have a semi crafty brain, and I have a love for creating something that can be used. So then Pintrest comes along and feeds that desire. Well to be fair, I guess it could be worse right?

Well guess what bitches?? IT JUST GOT WORSE!!! I found a recipe for CANDY INFUSED VODKA!!! Holy freakin shit!!

While I do not drink all the time, and I am not partial to vodka, I do love to have the occasional drink, and I do love me some candy! Mixing the two??? I have not decided if this will turn out to be my best or worst idea!

As I said, I like vodka, but it’s not my favorite. What is you ask? Tequila. See, since, well, it doesn’t really matter does it? Lets say for a long time me and Jose (Cuervo, that is) have a pretty good understanding of how our nights would go. Id do shots, about six, and then I would be sick! I knew what to expect every time. And, while it does have a tendency to make me extremely hot ( and therefore be forced to remove an article or two of clothing) it has never ever made me violent. Quiet the opposite.

I always thought that Tequila was supposed to be, well, yucky! Not so much my friends!! Have you met my other friend Petron? Ah yes, he is a good drink! Oh so smooth!! And quite spendy as well!!

So, apon stumbling on this amazing creation for vodka, I thought to my self … “why not Tequila?” And that is what led to this long drawn out post!!

I had a bottle of strong Tequila, just sitting there looking all pretty:IMG_20130313_150359

 

So I washed up two wide mouth quart jars:

IMG_20130313_150406

 

And in one I put two boxes of Lemon Heads Candy:

IMG_20130313_150453

 

And the other I put all the green and yellow Skittles from two boxes:

IMG_20130313_150445

Using a measuring cup, I put cup for cup of the Tequila into each jar, and then sealed them up. This is how they look:

IMG_20130313_152146

YUMMY! The blog I read said that you can leave them over night, or longer. And the longer you leave them the stronger the candy taste will be, so guess what this Momma is doing?? Yep, these puppies are staying put untill the candy has dissolved all the way!! I shake them any time I am in the kitchen also.

When the time comes for me to strain and taste, I will update for sure!!

Cheers bitches!!

January 21, 2013

When Kids WONT Eat

by mommahasapottymouth

Ahh…. the joys of parenting. When your precious little baby will eat anything you put in her mouth, relish in it. I promise you it will not last! In fact, about the time your angel turns 3, that will change.

I think when a kid is born, they are pre programmed for certain things. For instance, ONLY liking hot dogs and chicken nuggets. Gosh, my house is a nightmare when it comes to eating!! Take last night:

not my kid but this sums it up

I cut up pork and fried it in to little chunks. After I simmered it in some orange sauce. I also made rice to go with. I can not tell you how good it was. (OK I can, AH-MAZ-ING!!) But, AM is way to head strong to want try it. It was a battle untill bed time.

See normally I cook for an army, in the assumption that Matt is not the only on who is going to eat. And EVERY SINGLE night I end up throwing AM’s dinner out. Unless it is hot dogs chicken nuggets or pizza.

 

Frankly, I am fed up of feeding the Seagulls at the god damn dump. They eat better than most freakin dogs!

Last night was the first time I stuck to my guns, and did not make her something else. If she is hungry, she will eat. Right? But, with that in mind, how long does not giving in make sense? This morning I made english muffins and bacon. If given the chance, AM will eat a pound of bacon and nothing else. So, I gave her the muffin first and told her when she finishes that she can have some bacon. Well, I’ll tell you what she did, sneaky little shit:

Tore it in half. Ok, I can deal with that, maybe it was too big to hold or something. Then she sucked ( yes, you read that right. ) the butter out of it. So I am thinking however you go about eating it sweaty, and she picks up both halves and stretches, the food going to the god damn dog! She says ” Aw dang it! Buddy stole my food!!” Now, buddy is no saint, and he is known for doing this. Had I not seen it, the dog would have got an ass beating and she would have gotten bacon!

So there is no way I can be the only parent who is going thru this! Anyone knows what to do??  How long can I tell her no before I break??

August 28, 2012

Guest Post: Store Day

by mommahasapottymouth

So far, the only guest that I have wanted to write with me is my brother-in-law. I am planning to keep it that way. If you don’t already know, he is in prison. If you do not have anything nice to say, please skip this post.

This is the main entrance to Clallam Bay Corrections Center

 

Store Day

By: Jeremy H

“If you have never been locked up its doubtful that you understand the significance of Store Day. I don’t even know that I can fully explain it but I will try.

The concept of Store Day is rather simple its the day we inmates get our commissary items. Not a big deal to free people, but quite important to us. Its like pay-day, Christmas, birthday, or panhandling day, depending who you are.

Our entire week revolves around Store Day. Here it begins Sunday when slips have to be turned in. Those that are fortunate enough to have a hob or a loved ones to provide money are able to order whatever goodies are on the store list. Many others can only run up a hygiene debt of generic soap, generic toothpaste, aspirin, paper, small pencils and envelopes.

Thus begins the long wait until Wednesday when Store arrives. This is a time of expectation and looking forward to something. There are few things in prison to look forward to and almost nothing beats Store Day. Off hand, visits are the only thing that come to mind.

Monday or Tuesday is when people tend to run out of things like coffee and soap. It’s a rare week when you don’t hear someone asking for a shot of coffee or a bar of soap “until Store Day.”‘

Every week we watch the Store cart get rolled to our unit and the anxiety skyrocket. You can feel the tension in the air. It doesn’t matter if you’ve got 1 envelope coming or a $30 sack or food you’re excited.

With the excitement comes the worries. Did the money make it on time? Did they run out of something you need? Did prices go up again and overdraw your order? Did your slop somehow get lost?

The wait continues minute by minute as each order is counted and checked for accuracy. The stress builds as you see the far left (Red) pod start to go out one by one to pick up their Store. The pod order is supposed to rotate week to week, Red-Brown-Green with each getting their chance at being the first pod. Funny thing is on Store Day, they ALWAYS start with Red pod.

Some people pace their cell waiting to be called. Most people (and I am one of them) wait at their cell door looking out and try to will the process to go faster. It reminds me of getting up at 3am on Christmas morning and staring back and forth from the presents to the clock wondering when Mom and Dad will get up. One by one people com back from the Store cart. Some are happy but inevitably there are those whose money didn’t make it on time, or worse, unfortunate enough to have ordered an out of stock item.

Next comes the repayment of thing borrowed, or debts incurred. Almost everyone has to make a move of some sort. Then there are the people with nothing looking for a handout. Already deals are being made for next Store Day and the excitement begins to build once again.

Next Store Day I’ll get…”

July 12, 2012

The After Party

by mommahasapottymouth

I have not been on since, well a long time. I am sorry for that. But I have lots to say now. We will start with the After party, and how the party went down.

I decided not to make the watermelon keg, and I am so glad I didn’t go that route. I made more of a Sopdy/Punch. Here is how I made it:

I went to the local Farm stand and bought a massive amount of fruit. Watermelon, Rainer cherries, grapes, nectarines, plums, apricots, a mango, and some strawberries.

I bawled the watermelon

chopped the grapes and cherries

Sliced the cherries,

Cut up the nectarines apricots and kinda sliced the mango.

I added them all to a big bowl, in layers (which I do not suggest you try.)

I Then dumped in a 5th of vodka, and half a 5th of Bacardi Limon and part of a bottle of Apple pucker. I let it marry the flavors over night and all the next day.

I loved it, but, to make it taste better, in each glass I added a Pink Lemonade Capri Sun Pouch. (Hey, don’t judge, there where kids at this party. )

The Good:

Most of the fruit was so amazing, you forgot you where getting drunk.

Even the Juice from the fruit and Liquor strait was slightly sweet, and had a fantastic flavor!

The Bad:

The watermelon soaked up both the Vodka and the Rum. Everyone who tried it couldn’t take the chunks of watermelon without a chaser.

It went by pretty fast!

In all everyone who tried it got a little tipsy, and it was refreshing on a warm night like the fourth. I will continue to be the one who brings the party to the party every year.

 

June 30, 2012

Pre-Party Fruit Experiment No. 1

by mommahasapottymouth

So we are doing a big party at my best friends house this year for the fourth. I am planning to do something over the top in terms of the liquor department. Right now I am in the process of conducting an experiment with strawberries and Tequila Rose. Here is whats goin on in my fridge at the moment:

I bought 2 big things of strawberries from the grocery store today. My children love them, and I am going to try to get them alcoholic. I only had half a bottle of Tequila left so I figured what the hell, let’s try.

I found the smallest softest berries and cut the stems off, and just the tip of the end. Then I took my paring knife and took out just a tad of the core out. I tossed them in to a bowl with a tight fitting lid and poured the Tequila right over top. I will leave it in the fridge over night, and check things out. I expect that they will no longer be a brilliant red color but instead a light pink. I figure that they will be good and soaked and, what ever Tequila is left I will be able to make a drink out of. Win in my book.

If this goes the way I hope it will, I plan to make a big platter of these along with a keg of sorts watermelon. This is what I will do.

I have to buy more than one watermelon because children will be present and they all love watermelon. Cant have the children eating my treats, right?? I will cut a small portion of the top off

click for credit

and try to get some of the pulp loosened up. Then I am going to pour in a nice amount of straight Vodka. I will replace the lid and let it sit in my fridge until the liquid is absorbed. Then I am going to take another type of liquor (I was thinking coconut rum, but coconut and watermelon?? weird in my book.) maybe a strawberry or some type of fruit schnapps or vodka and dump another generous amount. I will replace the lid and let it sit untill the party starts. My plan for the party is to scoop the pulp that is loose in to cups and serve that. Once the pulp is gone, I plan to cut it up and pass it out to eat.

So does my plan sound stupid?? Gross? Would you change any thing in the recipe? Have you tried any of this? How did it turn out??

June 30, 2012

Fleas and Ticks and Mosquitos, OH MY!

by mommahasapottymouth

The weather is getting warmer everywhere and that means our fur babies are getting bugs, and I think this year is going to be bad.

I had never seen a tick before this year, and let me tell you they are ugly little fuckers!

know the difference!

We have dealt with fleas since we have had Buddy. It seems to me that dogs with lighter longer hair are more appetizing to fleas then those with darker shorter hair. I could be wrong though. And believe me, after you have them, its like pulling teeth trying to get rid of them!!

I myself have  tried everything! From bombs to the vacuuming to do-it-your-self. On my pets, I have found Revolution Drops seem to work for all of my dogs. Nothing I have found works well with my cats, so I am still searching. And, along with that, I am looking for something for that damn rabbit as well.

I have been doing a lot of research on this topic in the last week now, starting at night and stopping at bed time. I have come across a lot of very good information. I am including links to all the sites I found “visit worthy” and I encourage you to check them out.

The main reason I wanted to share this with y’all is because if any of you are like me, your pets are part of your family. Since April or so, I have pulled off at least 100 ticks off my girl Sissy. Once a vivacious dog, and well on the fat side, is now tired and skinny. I know it is because she is litterly being eaten alive. I am doing everything in my power to bring her back up to top-notch health. So I thought Id share with you what her Vet told me.

To remove a tick you will need sharp-pointed tweezers, a shallow dish or cup, rubbing alcohol and an antibiotic ointment (think Neosporin)

1. Get as close to the skin as possible and grab the tick by the head, gently pulling up and away from the dog.

2. If you do not get the head (and trust me, sometimes, it happens) leave it ALONE!! Do not pick at it or try to get it out. This may cause infection. After it dries up, it will surface like a pimple and be able to be removed.

3. Put Tick in to cup or dish and cover with rubbing alcohol. Do not flush or pop. Flushing will not kill it, and could come back up the pipes. Popping or squeezing it could cause your to come in contact with several diseases. Drowning it is the only way to safely destroy it.

4. Dab a bit of the antibiotic ointment on the site of the tick and leave alone!

He also told me that you should never hold a hot match up to the ticks ass, as this could cause it to burrow deeper, making removal harder. (Not to mention cause possible burns, I would think). The same can be said with covering it with petroleum Jelly, so don’t do it!! Check out the link below from the ASPCA on this!

http://www.aspca.org/pet-care/pet-care-tips/how-to-remove-a-tick-from-your-pet.aspx

As for fleas, just because you kill off the ones off the pets does not mean your problem ends there. There is an entire cycle you have to go thru before they are all gone.

 

A few years back we had a bad flea infestation. Matt bought borax and sprinkled it on the carpets and swept it in. We waited to vacuum for a few days, and repeated the process. Borax acts as a dehydrate for fleas. It dry them out. We did this every other day, for what seemed like a few months.

I have read though that you can do this once every 2 weeks for a few months to rid your home of fleas. Here is a picture of the flea life cycle, and a better way to understand how hard it is to kill the bastards.

I have also heard other remedies that help control fleas. I have tried Brewers Yeast, and while my dogs love love love it, the only difference that I noticed is that their coats become more oily. I have heard about adding garlic to their diets, but my dogs will not go near anything that smell like garlic. I have also heard really good things about Diotamaceous Earth. While I have not tried it, I have done my research on it. I know there are two different kinds of it, and the one you have to use on pets must be food grade. It is like the Borax as far as I can tell, and dries them out. If anyone has tried this method I would be interested in finding out how well it worked and what you did.

 

The bottom line is that this year is supposed to be hotter than normal. With that means our pets are at a higher risk of fleas and ticks (and Mosquito’s) and we as pet owners must do what we can to protect them. I encourage you to look into the matter and take a course of action that you feel is best for you and your family. .

Facts:

Mosquitos carry heart worm disease

Fleas can lead to tapeworms

Ticks can transmit diseases like Lyme and Rockie Mountain Spotted Fever to humans

One flea can lay up to 50 eggs a day

Ticks feed for 24 to 48 hours

Ticks lay 100 eggs at a time

Fleas consume 15 times their body weight in blood

 

 

 

 

June 13, 2012

I Think This Means WAR!

by mommahasapottymouth

If you are the animal lover that is against hunting and all that CRAP, please just skip this post.

I am going on a damn rampage tonight. Here is why:

We moved into this house almost 7 years ago. At first, we had no “noxious animal” problem. Then, the herd came. Out of the god damn wood work (and I mean that in all ways, I live on top of a small mountain) came swarms of raccoons. Awww…

click for image credit

At first, they where so cute. It was sweet to watch them (especially the families) come to the yard and scavenge for food. My neighbor bitch thinks it’s a good idea to feed them. So the natural sense to flee when humans are near has vanished. It got so bad, I had to start to bringing the day old bread home from work, just so I could get out of the car and haul ass to the door. I swear that they could hear my car 10 miles down the road and say to all their distant relatives to “come on over to the house, she wont get out of the car without food!”

click for image credit

One time my niece NS and my sister Missy, where out side and the little vermin started charging (I so wish I was making this shit up) them for their chips. Another time, (the LAST straw) Matt was out-of-town for the night and I went out to smoke. One little guy was on the porch. He started getting closer and closer. Instinct said to grab the nearest thing (a Tiki torch, unlit) and protect one’s self. Ha ha. He took one look at me and (again, not making this up) REACHED UP AND TOOK THE DAMN TORCH!! After that, I smoked in the bathroom out the window when Matt was not home.

I wont go into how they stopped coming around. That may hurt someones feelings on here. But, for the last three years, I can count on one hand how many have been back, and have fingers to spare.

 

Well, for the last 2 nights I have been trapped in my home, by Grandfather River. The little bastard knocked over my dog food bin, (50 lbs) and ate it right out my window. My poor dogs had to witness this horrible crime. Well, last night I figured that I could scare him off by opening the front door and locking the screen door, with my dogs standing at the door. The fucker walked up, stood on his hind legs, swatted at the door and hissed at my dogs.

OK. I figured that there had to be a way to get him off the porch. I grabbed the BB gun and opened the bathroom window, and blindly started firing at the son of a bitch. I didn’t even come close.

But the worst part is today. Me and the kids spent a good part of the day outside. I kept hearing the bushes on the Green Belt on the back of the property. I at first thought it was a bird or a cat. No biggie. But, I was so wrong. It kept stalking back and forth all day. Finally it caught AM’s attention, and I had enough. I grabbed a rock and tossed it. PSH! Nothing. I kept at it. Finally I spotted a foot, and as soon as I looked away for my next rock, I lost the damn thing!! I finally gave up and warned the neighbor to be careful walking her old dog (poor guy wouldn’t know he was near a coon ’til he was on top of one) and went home.

Right after Matt leaves for work, I hear a crash outside and I’ll be damned. HE IS BACK EATING THE DOG FOOD!! Taking his sweet ass time too. Sneaky little fucker.

HE HAS TO GO!!

 

It turns out I think I would look great in a coonskin hat

June 5, 2012

Mommas Biscuits and Gravey, and a Light Dessert!

by mommahasapottymouth

Wow, lately I am on a food roll. I think I have been posting more food related posts than anything. Sorry about that to y’all who came to hear me rant or bitch. Anyway, tonight I made an awesome from scratch dinner and changed up a recipe I got from my best friend to suit my needs for a cake. I want y’all to try them if you get the chance.

 

For the dinner you will need:

Sausage (don’t use the breakfast kind. The hot may work, but I used plain ol’ regular Jimmy Dean.)

Garlic and Pepper Seasoning

Chili powder

Flour ( I used Silk Cake Flour, and I couldn’t have hoped it turned out so well)

Butter ( you guys know me by now)

Milk

Fresh ground pepper corn (additional to the garlic and pepper mix)

Biscuits  (OK, I will admit my biscuit skills are way below par, but, Pillsbury’s are right up there with granny right??)

 

First, brown the meat, and do not drain the fat. Add some butter to the pot (oh yeah use a non stick pot for this) and melt completely. After start adding (slowly) some flour, and brown it. I like mine thick so I probley added about a 1/4 cup)  This step is critical for the right turn out. Before adding more flour to the pan, make sure the stuff in the pot is already browned. Don’t let it stick to the bottom.

After you have added the right amount of flour to your meat and butter mix, slowly whisk in milk. Remember, It’s easier to thin something out then to keep trying to thicken it up. The longer you wish and cook, the thicker it will be.

Taste and serve over warm biscuits!!

 

Now for the cake.

You need:

Angel food cake ( yes I am lazy. I bought mine pre made.)

Jello ( I used black cherry, but I think any berry type would taste great)

1 cup boiling water

Berry preserves ( I used a 3 berry mix boysenberry, raspberry and blackberry)

Softened Cool Whip in the tub. ( don’t get the flavored kind. Yuck!!)

 

Poke semi large holes in the top of your angel food cake. Set on a jelly pan.

Boil water and completely dissolve jello. Pour mix over cake. Immediately put cake to cool in fridge. At least 2 hours. (Don’t worry, the jello wont make anything soggy)

After the jello has set, spread a thinnish layer of preserves on top of the jello. Allow to cool in fridge again for 1/2 hour.

Now spread the whole cake with cool whip.

Enjoy!

 

If you change anything to either, let me know. I love to try new things!!

June 5, 2012

Road Trip With My Mother-In-Law, Pt. 1

by mommahasapottymouth

So, this Thursday night, me and my kids will be packing our travel bags (among lots of other things) and headed to Nana’s house. Good lord, I am nervous and excited at the same time.

Me and my MIL have not had the best of relationships thru out our almost 8 year relationship. I have been dishonest and bitchy, and at times she has been down right mean. I thought at first, this trip was more out of kindness to her son, or rather for his benefit, to make him see that she is trying with me. But, I think I was wrong.

Since my DH’s granny passed the day my son JR was born, we have been trying to work things out between us. I wont lie, it has been a VERY challenging road. There have been times that I went to her house and said not a single word to anyone besides my kids. Then not so long ago, she was diagnosed with the very thing that lead to her mother’s death, breast cancer.

I think somewhere (OK, I am positive) inside before she confirmed with her doc, I knew what the outcome was. And something inside me slightly turned from cold stone, to something a touch softer. ( What that would be called, I couldn’t tell ya) I wanted to do something. Take action. And whether she wanted it or not, I became a constant statue in her life. I talked to her almost daily ( almost as much as my own momma, but not quite). I couldn’t imagine what she was going thru. Because, in all honesty, if I was terrified, I couldn’t begin to comprehend what she felt.

(After her surgery, she started her radiation and chemo and, as of last friday she is now done with chemo. )

When we planned this trip a bout 2 months ago, I figured she was going to change her mind about taking me. We have never been anywhere together (except for lunch at Panera Bread or to do some light shopping) and I have never left my kids there over night. (You know they are a handful, don’t get all pissy with me ) But the closer it has gotten, the more we have talked about it.

Here is what I am terrified will happen:

  1. AM will be a total terror. I’m talking breaking things and screaming like a banchy.
  2. Neither AM or JR will sleep. That would just suck.
  3. I will get that wonderful surprise visit from Aunt Flo, right before I want to go for a swim.
  4. It will rain the whole time and we will be stranded in the hotel.
  5. I wont pack enough clothes for the trip, for any one of us.
  6. I will leave something we need, like medication, at home.
  7. I will leave something, like above, at the hotel.
  8. I will be home sick.
  9. AM will cry because she misses her daddy.

Oh what? You thought he was coming? No. Just me and the kids. Her and her youngest.

Leavenworth Wa, here I come

So, when I get back on Sunday, I will update y’all on how it all went down.

June 4, 2012

Mommas Stir Fry

by mommahasapottymouth

 

Mmm, I made some delicious stir fry the other night. It was so yummy I have to share it with y’all!!

 

 

I didn’t measure any thing. I never do.

 

You need:

Kielbasa Sausage

2 cloves Garlic

Butter

Soy Sauce

Orange Juice

Curry Powder

Honey

Veggies (I like the kind that has green beans and peas in them, but I am sure any frozen kind would work)

Pepper

Cornstarch

Water

Chilli powder

Cooked rice

How to do it:

Slice the sausage and mince the garlic. Toss into a pan with the butter (enough to lightly brown the sausage)

After the butter is completely melted, add 2 parts orange juice to one part soy sauce. Drizzle honey (don’t be shy with the honey. It wont be too sweet.) Cook until sauce is warmed thru. Remove the meat.

Toss the veggies into the sauce and add a tad more butter. (Ha ha I love butter. I know I am going to hurt my self in the long run, but this is my vice, so don’t judge me) Sprinkle the curry powder ( this is one spice you don’t want to go way over board with. Start with a pinch and work your way into more if you need it.) and the chili powder (again, just start with a pinch) and a dash more of the juice and soy sauce. Add a smidgen more of the honey and cover until the veggies are tender.(Turn the heat down a bit too.)

 

While this is cooking mix a little corn starch and cold water up. (No clumps silly) When the veggies are tender, add the meat back to the pan and add the corn starch, a little at a time. Bring to a boil and stir. Lower the heat back down and cover.

Serve over rice!!

 

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