Posts tagged ‘fun’

March 25, 2013

The Mad Scientist In Momma PT 2

by mommahasapottymouth

If you failed to read part one of this, then you are missing out!! Go check it out here, yes yes, I’ll wait…

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Good. As you know, Pintrest! is not my friend!! I feel all ambitious every time I am there, but I can not stay away!!Any way.

I figured y’all would want to know the end result to my candy makin Tequila. Can I just say the green is freakin amazing!!! The lemon has yet to be added to anything, and anymore I am not a straight shooter. ( Don’t tell my friends from High School that though, they wouldn’t believe that for a second!!)

I also have to report that I tried doing this with Vodka:

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I went and got two 5th’s of the cheapest Vodka I could get ($6.25) and poured some into clean mason jars. I also bought a lot of candy. Watermelon Sour Patch Kids, 2 bags of Jolly Rancher jelly beans and marshmallows.

I picked out the blue and the pinkish red jelly beans and put all of each into a jar with Vodka and sealed. I also put 3 boxes of the Sour patch kids in to one jar and sealed it. With the marshmallows, I was worried about not being sweet enough so I added a sprinkle ( yea that is a measurement in my house) of raw cane sugar in to a tiny little jar. Here is what happened:

Jelly bean Vodka: The color change was almost instant. It took a little over a week to break down the jelly beans, and even then it didn’t break down fully. I shook the shit out of those jars every time I looked at them . I took a normal mesh strainer and ran the Vodka thru twice. After I took the mesh off of one of those mesh splatter guards ( please don’t ask me what the hell it is really called) and that got all the candy out.

sour-watermelon-slices-i4

Watermelon Sour Patch Vodka: This one took a little less time to break down. Argh but it looked so disgusting when it was “fermenting” I almost nixed the whole idea, almost. The candy sort of broke up and then settled on the bottom, and the whole thing turned a yucky greyish color. I shook this one as often as the others too. At one point my DH told me it was bad, and smelled like rotten lemon. After a week and a half, I strained it the same way as above. In the end, I added a touch of pink food coloring, because I knew no one would touch it in the current color.

marshmallow-scrub-1220-p

marshmallow: This shit sucked. I dropped a ton of them into a small glass and poured maybe 2 shots over. I added a tiny bit of sugar and shook the shit out of it. After a day, they were gone. And it tasted terrible. I have no clue what I did wrong, but if anyone has an idea to make it tastier I am all freakin ears!!

I am happy to report that both of the watermelon vodkas turned out fantastic, while the blue jolly rancher was good, it was not AMAZING. I mixed them with plain ol Sprite, and hot damn, that shit is good.

There are two downsides to this idea of mine though: One, they still have the “Cheap Vodka Smell” which may very well turn out to be a blessing… and two, they absolutely do NOT taste like ” Cheap Vodka,” which in it self is a terrible thing. They tasted like the candy. Could turn out to be very dangerous to my health!

Until next time,

Drink it up and Cheers bitches!!!

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March 13, 2013

The Mad Scientist In Momma

by mommahasapottymouth

Damn that Pintrest!! I already have a semi crafty brain, and I have a love for creating something that can be used. So then Pintrest comes along and feeds that desire. Well to be fair, I guess it could be worse right?

Well guess what bitches?? IT JUST GOT WORSE!!! I found a recipe for CANDY INFUSED VODKA!!! Holy freakin shit!!

While I do not drink all the time, and I am not partial to vodka, I do love to have the occasional drink, and I do love me some candy! Mixing the two??? I have not decided if this will turn out to be my best or worst idea!

As I said, I like vodka, but it’s not my favorite. What is you ask? Tequila. See, since, well, it doesn’t really matter does it? Lets say for a long time me and Jose (Cuervo, that is) have a pretty good understanding of how our nights would go. Id do shots, about six, and then I would be sick! I knew what to expect every time. And, while it does have a tendency to make me extremely hot ( and therefore be forced to remove an article or two of clothing) it has never ever made me violent. Quiet the opposite.

I always thought that Tequila was supposed to be, well, yucky! Not so much my friends!! Have you met my other friend Petron? Ah yes, he is a good drink! Oh so smooth!! And quite spendy as well!!

So, apon stumbling on this amazing creation for vodka, I thought to my self … “why not Tequila?” And that is what led to this long drawn out post!!

I had a bottle of strong Tequila, just sitting there looking all pretty:IMG_20130313_150359

 

So I washed up two wide mouth quart jars:

IMG_20130313_150406

 

And in one I put two boxes of Lemon Heads Candy:

IMG_20130313_150453

 

And the other I put all the green and yellow Skittles from two boxes:

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Using a measuring cup, I put cup for cup of the Tequila into each jar, and then sealed them up. This is how they look:

IMG_20130313_152146

YUMMY! The blog I read said that you can leave them over night, or longer. And the longer you leave them the stronger the candy taste will be, so guess what this Momma is doing?? Yep, these puppies are staying put untill the candy has dissolved all the way!! I shake them any time I am in the kitchen also.

When the time comes for me to strain and taste, I will update for sure!!

Cheers bitches!!

September 10, 2012

Red Is The NEW Blonde

by mommahasapottymouth

I have a problem. Just a little one. I think I may have hair ADD. I get bored easy. I have done the boring things like the basic colors, and yes they are boring. I then went to high lights and that kinda thing.

When I was a kid and lived with the BioF ( Bio Father) my step mom would let me dye my hair any color I wanted… EXCEPT Red. And I would do it just to piss her off. Yes, I was wildly out of controll if you ask them. Lets not go there right now. Save that for a more juicy post when I have a few more drinks in me!

Anywho, I have done every color in the “box” line. And then I met Sallys Beauty Store. It is almost as good as a shoe store selling all their sexy boots at 1/2 price (did I mention I have boots?? Yes my MIL needed a reason to go shopping and I GLADLY took them off her hands) (Also did I mention that I think I may have a touch of ADD??) I found every thing I could ever want with in those walls (save the boots) and I became a regular in no time.

Soon, I got bored again, as is always the case. And then I found Temporary and Semi Permanent Color. Holy Moses!!!

I have always wanted to to someting crazy to my hair before I get “old”. Now some older women can pull off the unconventional colors, but I am sure that I would not be able to. So I bleached the front of my head and dyed it hot pink. It was amazing!!!!!

Hot Pink!!!

I went back to natural after a while. The reason was really because I was sick of getting carded all the time!

The red has been calling me for some time now. But I did not want burgandy or any other variation of red. I wanted RED RED. I walked in to Sallys last Saturday and pointed to a wall of extensions and said ” I want red hair, like this.” And a half hour later I walked out of the store ready to change my hair history.

Can I be so self boasting to say that I am in love with it and it looks amazing? That it fits my personality to a “T”? Yes, I think I can.

Pictures to follow!!

July 30, 2012

Guest Posts

by mommahasapottymouth

I would like to take the time to introduce the only person I would even think about letting do a guest post for me.  His name is Jeremy, but in my house we call him Fred.

Before I go any further with this, I want to make something VERY clear. I will not tolerate any one bad mouthing or saying anything hurtful about Jeremy’s situation. If you do not like what you have to hear after please just either don’t read or unfollow me. Easy pease.

 

Jeremy is my brother-in-law. He is the oldest of his siblings and has one daughter. He is one of the most creative writers I have ever had the pleasure of reading. He is always straight forward and never says anything but what he means. He is also serving in a state penitently.

 

This is where the don’t judge part comes in. He is a part of my family and I love him just the same as the rest of my in laws. (sometimes maybe a touch more, just kidding) He is paying the price for what he did. Again if you don’t want to read what he has to say, then please don’t. I will not approve of ANY mean or negative comments.

 

The first post will be up today.

July 12, 2012

The After Party

by mommahasapottymouth

I have not been on since, well a long time. I am sorry for that. But I have lots to say now. We will start with the After party, and how the party went down.

I decided not to make the watermelon keg, and I am so glad I didn’t go that route. I made more of a Sopdy/Punch. Here is how I made it:

I went to the local Farm stand and bought a massive amount of fruit. Watermelon, Rainer cherries, grapes, nectarines, plums, apricots, a mango, and some strawberries.

I bawled the watermelon

chopped the grapes and cherries

Sliced the cherries,

Cut up the nectarines apricots and kinda sliced the mango.

I added them all to a big bowl, in layers (which I do not suggest you try.)

I Then dumped in a 5th of vodka, and half a 5th of Bacardi Limon and part of a bottle of Apple pucker. I let it marry the flavors over night and all the next day.

I loved it, but, to make it taste better, in each glass I added a Pink Lemonade Capri Sun Pouch. (Hey, don’t judge, there where kids at this party. )

The Good:

Most of the fruit was so amazing, you forgot you where getting drunk.

Even the Juice from the fruit and Liquor strait was slightly sweet, and had a fantastic flavor!

The Bad:

The watermelon soaked up both the Vodka and the Rum. Everyone who tried it couldn’t take the chunks of watermelon without a chaser.

It went by pretty fast!

In all everyone who tried it got a little tipsy, and it was refreshing on a warm night like the fourth. I will continue to be the one who brings the party to the party every year.

 

June 30, 2012

Pre-Party Fruit Experiment No. 1

by mommahasapottymouth

So we are doing a big party at my best friends house this year for the fourth. I am planning to do something over the top in terms of the liquor department. Right now I am in the process of conducting an experiment with strawberries and Tequila Rose. Here is whats goin on in my fridge at the moment:

I bought 2 big things of strawberries from the grocery store today. My children love them, and I am going to try to get them alcoholic. I only had half a bottle of Tequila left so I figured what the hell, let’s try.

I found the smallest softest berries and cut the stems off, and just the tip of the end. Then I took my paring knife and took out just a tad of the core out. I tossed them in to a bowl with a tight fitting lid and poured the Tequila right over top. I will leave it in the fridge over night, and check things out. I expect that they will no longer be a brilliant red color but instead a light pink. I figure that they will be good and soaked and, what ever Tequila is left I will be able to make a drink out of. Win in my book.

If this goes the way I hope it will, I plan to make a big platter of these along with a keg of sorts watermelon. This is what I will do.

I have to buy more than one watermelon because children will be present and they all love watermelon. Cant have the children eating my treats, right?? I will cut a small portion of the top off

click for credit

and try to get some of the pulp loosened up. Then I am going to pour in a nice amount of straight Vodka. I will replace the lid and let it sit in my fridge until the liquid is absorbed. Then I am going to take another type of liquor (I was thinking coconut rum, but coconut and watermelon?? weird in my book.) maybe a strawberry or some type of fruit schnapps or vodka and dump another generous amount. I will replace the lid and let it sit untill the party starts. My plan for the party is to scoop the pulp that is loose in to cups and serve that. Once the pulp is gone, I plan to cut it up and pass it out to eat.

So does my plan sound stupid?? Gross? Would you change any thing in the recipe? Have you tried any of this? How did it turn out??

June 12, 2012

Motherhood Has Changed Me

by mommahasapottymouth

I think its funny to look back at the days of “Pre-Mommyhood” and remember how different I am today. My outlook on life has changed, as well as every other part of me. Some are so profound, while others just plain suck! For example:

(From here on out BB is Before Babies, and AB is After Babies)

BB: I wore a size 0 and weighed 110 with all my clothes on. I couldn’t fill out a shirt or the back side of my jeans.

AB: I fluctuate between sizes and my weight is much higher ( I think I may have been too skinny BB, but come on, I could at least get to 125, right?) and I fill out my shirts in all the wrong places (my waist) and I still have no ass.

BB: I could stay up all night, and wake up refreshed, or sleep untill the next night.

AB: If I stay up past 11, I pay for it dearly, and if I sleep past 6:30, my children must be sick.

BB: I could nap.

AB: What the hell is a nap?

BB: I thought that legalizing Marijuana would be no big deal, same as I thought America (ok the world, but I like to start small) did not really have a drug problem.

AB: While I think legalizing Marijuana for medicinal reasons is still a good idea, I don’t think just anyone should be able to walk into the local Wal-Mart and buy it. And, I still don’t think America has a drug problem, I know it.

BB: If someone where to approach me about signing for the above matter, I would have gladly singed it.

AB: The other day, a woman out side of the store came up to me and told me and my children that only a “man and a woman” should be allowed to marry. She was shouting it. I almost punched her square in her nose. Even if I did believe that (which I don’t) who gave her the right to teach my children that is even an issue? Same as last summer, some guy with dreads (I don’t judge, but I am pretty sure he was not looking at pot in the “drug for cancer or MS” patients stand point, if you know what I mean) approached me and asked me to sign his petition to legalize it. Y’all can only imagine the questions I had to answer from my way too smart 3-year-old. Not cool.

BB: I was positive that when I had children, I wouldn’t do the things my parents did, nor would I say the things my Momma said.

AB: Ha ha. I was funny back then. I am constantly thinking about how I will deal with the boyfriend that I hate when my daughter gets to that age, or the make up she will want to wear. I am certain that my answer will be nothing short of what my Mommas answers where; ” Not in my house” ” Over my dead body” “I don’t care what ( insert childs name here) parents let them do. I am your momma, not theirs” ” If your friends jumped off a bridge, would you too?” and my already all time favorite is ” BECAUSE I SAID SO” which I use more than any other already.

BB: I didn’t want children. E V E R!

AB: I could not imaging my life with out my babies now. No matter how mad or crazy they make me.

BB: My biggest problem was if we had enough beer to camp with.

AB: Beer is not even on my list of problems, but at times I find my self wishing I had a whole damn Keg.

BB: I loved having company and going places.

AB: Now, its like, don’t come over please! My house is a mess, and my children are making it worse! And going somewhere now includes an hour of prep time, not including packing my luggage of crap for the kids. You know, the “Just in case” bag? Most of the prep is getting AM ready by begging she be on her best behavior, and bribing her with something if she plays nicely with either the children at said place or their dogs.

And finally…

BB: I loved everyone kids! I was that girl who didn’t have any of her own, but all the kids flocked to and I loved it.

AB: Now, if they are not family ( and sometimes that doesn’t always help) or very close friends kids, I can’t stand them. I think sometimes I must be a horrible parent. There is this one family who always brings their kids over and drop them off. And as soon as the mom leaves, the child changes into some kind of a demon. I wish I was kidding, but I really can not stand the kid. I think I just may have way fewer patients now or something!

 

There have been other notable changes as well. I can tune a screaming child out and know the difference between crys. I don’t look at other moms when their children are misbehaving in the store and think “Oh my gosh! Look at those brats!” Now I just think “Thank you lord! Thank you for letting my baby be good for the moment!” I no longer find it necessary to show off my goods and much rather would wear something comfy than revealing. I don’t find it necessary to get all dolled up just to go get some food for my fridge. Sometimes its all I can do to get a shower everyday and run a brush thru my mop of a mane. But the biggest change is thinking before that I knew what love was, only to find that love was only a fraction of what I would feel the first time AM was placed in my arms. That is the most profound change of all.

 

June 11, 2012

Road Trip With My Mother-In-Law Pt. 2

by mommahasapottymouth

Well, I got in late last night. My road trip is over. Leavenworth Washington is

 B E A U T I F U L!! If you ever have the chance to go, I highly recomend it!! (I hear Christmas time is beautiful, and the tree lighting is amazing as well)

My trip was both a nightmere and a dream all wraped into one! Let me explain:

  • My MIL and I got along better than ever, which says alot. We talked about everything, from pain to happiness, and everything in between. It was nice.
  • The weather was cloudy, and on our last day the wind was wippin thru horribly. It did not ruin our time, but a little warmer would have been nice.
  • My son was just as happy as always. I swear he is the most adaptable child known to man. I think if we moved him to the moon tomorrow he wouldnt know the difference.
  • My neice BA was in a sour mood on our last day. I dont blame her, really, but, I think AM had a hard time dealing with why she was being ignored.
  • We got lost on the way back, and somehow bypassed Tacoma, and ended up in downtown Seattle. We all had to use the potty.
  • I forgot my keys at the house, on which my MIL’s house keys were hooked. Locked out for about a half hour, and it was a tad chilly.

And the worst part of the whole ordeal was (drum roll please…)

  • I looked like a complete jackass of a momma. I am being completely honest with y’all here. My daughter was a monster. With a capital M. She was defiant, she had an attitude, and she was out of control. I was anxious, I was angry and I was feeling lost. She took advantage of everything that was being handed to her. I thought if we where on vacation, rules could be a little slack. But boy was I wrong. Before we even left town, she had unbuckeled her seat belt and tried to open to her door. She learned how to roll down the windows. When we stopped for lunch, she was yelling at the top of her lungs and dumped water and juice all over the table. She had stated in the car that she was “so hungry” and when her food arived would not touch any of it. 5 min back in the car, she was starving again. When we finally arived at the hotel, she had setteled down a bit, until she seen BA. Then all bets where off. She couldnt stand still. By the time it was dinner, she had hit me, ran away from me and dumped her soup. She wanted to go swiming, so when we returned to the hotel we suited up and went down. She had a blast, and I figured she would be sleepy and ready to at least settel down. PSH!! Wrong-o! She must have hit some sort of brat reserve and downed it big time!! All the sudden she wanted to go home. She hated me. She hated vacation. She was a screaming ball of maddness. Nana and BA decided to go down to the hot tub, but I am willing to bet that it was more likely than not to get out of that room. After she finally drifted off, I had a few hours to hang out and BS with Nana. It was nice to sit at the hot tub and drink a beer, talking about whatever the wind blew in. Then she woke up. Screaming how she wanted first her Momma. When she relized that I infact was holding her, she switched it up to Daddy. Man that was a long night. Nothing though, compared to the next day. All she wanted was to swim. We had to eat first. And an old man came to play this long horn (think those old Recola commercials) and we all wanted to watch, save AM. She threw a fit. Wouldnt eat. After we had our fill, we headed back to the room to pack and change. I took little girl back to the pool and she then decided that she didnt want to swim. Fit rolled in the pool and kicked the walls. After we exited the pool, we quickly returned to load the car. She was running all over, screaming at the top of her lungs. And “NO!” is her favorite word. When we left, we went to go shop. AM decided that was not going to happen. She flipped out every chance she got. I was the most embarrased person in that little town. I was at  the end of my rope. I know I looked the part too, because Nana tried to help but I think that she was worrieed about how I would react. The car ride home was the worst part. She hit and kicked BA, took things from her brother, squirted his bottle in his face. And wouldnt let me get a word in. I wanted to cry.

I am leaving alot out because I would have a book by the time I am done with this one. The thing is, I am at my wits end. I have tried everything in the book (that does not come with a newborn, by the way) to get thru to her. EVERYTHING.

 

On a lighter note, Aunt Flo waited to show up, and I found a purse that I must have. I will find out how to order one on line though so I do not have to take AM.

http://leavenworth.org/modules/pages/?pageid=1

Go check out the above link. I cant seem to get my pictures loaded to this computer. Its the official website!

 

 

June 5, 2012

Mommas Biscuits and Gravey, and a Light Dessert!

by mommahasapottymouth

Wow, lately I am on a food roll. I think I have been posting more food related posts than anything. Sorry about that to y’all who came to hear me rant or bitch. Anyway, tonight I made an awesome from scratch dinner and changed up a recipe I got from my best friend to suit my needs for a cake. I want y’all to try them if you get the chance.

 

For the dinner you will need:

Sausage (don’t use the breakfast kind. The hot may work, but I used plain ol’ regular Jimmy Dean.)

Garlic and Pepper Seasoning

Chili powder

Flour ( I used Silk Cake Flour, and I couldn’t have hoped it turned out so well)

Butter ( you guys know me by now)

Milk

Fresh ground pepper corn (additional to the garlic and pepper mix)

Biscuits  (OK, I will admit my biscuit skills are way below par, but, Pillsbury’s are right up there with granny right??)

 

First, brown the meat, and do not drain the fat. Add some butter to the pot (oh yeah use a non stick pot for this) and melt completely. After start adding (slowly) some flour, and brown it. I like mine thick so I probley added about a 1/4 cup)  This step is critical for the right turn out. Before adding more flour to the pan, make sure the stuff in the pot is already browned. Don’t let it stick to the bottom.

After you have added the right amount of flour to your meat and butter mix, slowly whisk in milk. Remember, It’s easier to thin something out then to keep trying to thicken it up. The longer you wish and cook, the thicker it will be.

Taste and serve over warm biscuits!!

 

Now for the cake.

You need:

Angel food cake ( yes I am lazy. I bought mine pre made.)

Jello ( I used black cherry, but I think any berry type would taste great)

1 cup boiling water

Berry preserves ( I used a 3 berry mix boysenberry, raspberry and blackberry)

Softened Cool Whip in the tub. ( don’t get the flavored kind. Yuck!!)

 

Poke semi large holes in the top of your angel food cake. Set on a jelly pan.

Boil water and completely dissolve jello. Pour mix over cake. Immediately put cake to cool in fridge. At least 2 hours. (Don’t worry, the jello wont make anything soggy)

After the jello has set, spread a thinnish layer of preserves on top of the jello. Allow to cool in fridge again for 1/2 hour.

Now spread the whole cake with cool whip.

Enjoy!

 

If you change anything to either, let me know. I love to try new things!!

June 4, 2012

Mommas Stir Fry

by mommahasapottymouth

 

Mmm, I made some delicious stir fry the other night. It was so yummy I have to share it with y’all!!

 

 

I didn’t measure any thing. I never do.

 

You need:

Kielbasa Sausage

2 cloves Garlic

Butter

Soy Sauce

Orange Juice

Curry Powder

Honey

Veggies (I like the kind that has green beans and peas in them, but I am sure any frozen kind would work)

Pepper

Cornstarch

Water

Chilli powder

Cooked rice

How to do it:

Slice the sausage and mince the garlic. Toss into a pan with the butter (enough to lightly brown the sausage)

After the butter is completely melted, add 2 parts orange juice to one part soy sauce. Drizzle honey (don’t be shy with the honey. It wont be too sweet.) Cook until sauce is warmed thru. Remove the meat.

Toss the veggies into the sauce and add a tad more butter. (Ha ha I love butter. I know I am going to hurt my self in the long run, but this is my vice, so don’t judge me) Sprinkle the curry powder ( this is one spice you don’t want to go way over board with. Start with a pinch and work your way into more if you need it.) and the chili powder (again, just start with a pinch) and a dash more of the juice and soy sauce. Add a smidgen more of the honey and cover until the veggies are tender.(Turn the heat down a bit too.)

 

While this is cooking mix a little corn starch and cold water up. (No clumps silly) When the veggies are tender, add the meat back to the pan and add the corn starch, a little at a time. Bring to a boil and stir. Lower the heat back down and cover.

Serve over rice!!

 

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