Posts tagged ‘beer’

June 13, 2012

There Is No Going Back From Here

by mommahasapottymouth

So I have made some fucked up decisions in my life time. I’ve hurt some really good people. I have also been hurt a time or two over the years. I think that is kinda what started my down hill spiral. Now is not the time to go into who did what to me, or how they did it, but I do need to get somethings off my chest before I explode.

Today, I had to learn from Facebook (of all the god damn places) that my ONLY sister graduated from high school. I am devastated. I knew it was comin, I just figured that we could set aside our differences for one night and I could be there to witness the good deed she accomplished. No such luck. I also knew that wouldn’t happen. I wont get into the terrible details, but I will tell you it started with her boyfriend. (I have no idea if they are still together) I make quilts, and me and all the kids in the family got fabric together to make for our grandma. All significant others (married or otherwise) were to be left off. Well, that just wouldn’t fly. She got so mad. Whatever. We got over it and kind of moved on. Then we hit our final bump. It was huge. When I was pregnant with JR, I was told that there was a chance that he could have Downs Syndrome. I was devastated. I ended up in the hospital that same night with kidney problems. The very first person I went to was my sister. She shot right back that I was a liar and ignorant. That I must be stupid because everyone knows that you can not see the baby’s brain in an ultrasound. I couldn’t believe she was saying those things. She didn’t even visit me in the hospital. I havent heard from her after she told me I was dead to her. I did tell her that I would always be here when she came down off her high horse.

You see, her and I have always had a rocky relationship. But I have always loved her. I was seven when she was born, and I admit I was a little jealous. I had always been the only girl. (I think at this point I need to let everyone who doesn’t know, she is my half-sister. My biological father remarried my step mom and had a baby with her. Not my daddy. ) Then, it kind of turned into a competition between us. My step mom hated me (and still does) so she went out of her way to make Missy the perfect little girl. I remember seeing my parents pick her Binky up after it fell on the floor and clean it off with their mouth (yuck!) and I tried to do the same thing and was scolded for it big time.

I eventually ran away from my mommas house when I was 14, (for a stupid low life boy my daddy hated, for good reason) and moved in with my father and his family. All was good for about 6 weeks. Then shit started to crumble. Big time, and soon after, both parents where at the bar every single night until closing. I had to take care of my sister and little brother. And she hated me for it. One time, I called my momma crying and Missy just wouldn’t leave shit alone. She was screaming in my face. I walked up the stairs to my room, talking to my momma to calm down. Missy ripped the phone cord out of the wall. Then she came up and started taunting me. I pushed her down the stairs by her face. The sad thing is, I didn’t feel any thing when I did that. Another time, she came into my room and started throwing things at me, shoes, movies what ever she could get her hands on.

Our relationship started to get better when I found out I was pregnant with AM. She became my best friend. She walked the mall with me, went to eat and talked to me every day several times. It was everything I had wanted for us. After my daughter was born, she sat right by me and watched them sitch me up. She loved my daughter.

After a while, things started to change. She started calling less, and coming to see her god-daughter less. I knew it had everything to do with me living an hour and a half away and that she had a boyfriend at her house. I understood.

One day, she started flipping out on me. Told me she hated me for calling CPS on our father. PSH! I had not even thought to ever do that, and if I had, it would have been done when I was still living with them. Soon after, was christmas and everything after that. I have yet to hear her voice in over a year.

click picture for photo credit

I apologize for the long-winded post. I just want y’all to know. If you have siblings, don’t ever take them for granted. Tell them you love them all the time. Never say good-bye on bad terms. Always work it out. My momma always told me “From cradle to grave, always love your brother (or sister) because he’s the only one you’ll ever have.” I never realized how true that was until this. And when you get to where I am, there is no turning back. Just remember that.

June 12, 2012

Motherhood Has Changed Me

by mommahasapottymouth

I think its funny to look back at the days of “Pre-Mommyhood” and remember how different I am today. My outlook on life has changed, as well as every other part of me. Some are so profound, while others just plain suck! For example:

(From here on out BB is Before Babies, and AB is After Babies)

BB: I wore a size 0 and weighed 110 with all my clothes on. I couldn’t fill out a shirt or the back side of my jeans.

AB: I fluctuate between sizes and my weight is much higher ( I think I may have been too skinny BB, but come on, I could at least get to 125, right?) and I fill out my shirts in all the wrong places (my waist) and I still have no ass.

BB: I could stay up all night, and wake up refreshed, or sleep untill the next night.

AB: If I stay up past 11, I pay for it dearly, and if I sleep past 6:30, my children must be sick.

BB: I could nap.

AB: What the hell is a nap?

BB: I thought that legalizing Marijuana would be no big deal, same as I thought America (ok the world, but I like to start small) did not really have a drug problem.

AB: While I think legalizing Marijuana for medicinal reasons is still a good idea, I don’t think just anyone should be able to walk into the local Wal-Mart and buy it. And, I still don’t think America has a drug problem, I know it.

BB: If someone where to approach me about signing for the above matter, I would have gladly singed it.

AB: The other day, a woman out side of the store came up to me and told me and my children that only a “man and a woman” should be allowed to marry. She was shouting it. I almost punched her square in her nose. Even if I did believe that (which I don’t) who gave her the right to teach my children that is even an issue? Same as last summer, some guy with dreads (I don’t judge, but I am pretty sure he was not looking at pot in the “drug for cancer or MS” patients stand point, if you know what I mean) approached me and asked me to sign his petition to legalize it. Y’all can only imagine the questions I had to answer from my way too smart 3-year-old. Not cool.

BB: I was positive that when I had children, I wouldn’t do the things my parents did, nor would I say the things my Momma said.

AB: Ha ha. I was funny back then. I am constantly thinking about how I will deal with the boyfriend that I hate when my daughter gets to that age, or the make up she will want to wear. I am certain that my answer will be nothing short of what my Mommas answers where; ” Not in my house” ” Over my dead body” “I don’t care what ( insert childs name here) parents let them do. I am your momma, not theirs” ” If your friends jumped off a bridge, would you too?” and my already all time favorite is ” BECAUSE I SAID SO” which I use more than any other already.

BB: I didn’t want children. E V E R!

AB: I could not imaging my life with out my babies now. No matter how mad or crazy they make me.

BB: My biggest problem was if we had enough beer to camp with.

AB: Beer is not even on my list of problems, but at times I find my self wishing I had a whole damn Keg.

BB: I loved having company and going places.

AB: Now, its like, don’t come over please! My house is a mess, and my children are making it worse! And going somewhere now includes an hour of prep time, not including packing my luggage of crap for the kids. You know, the “Just in case” bag? Most of the prep is getting AM ready by begging she be on her best behavior, and bribing her with something if she plays nicely with either the children at said place or their dogs.

And finally…

BB: I loved everyone kids! I was that girl who didn’t have any of her own, but all the kids flocked to and I loved it.

AB: Now, if they are not family ( and sometimes that doesn’t always help) or very close friends kids, I can’t stand them. I think sometimes I must be a horrible parent. There is this one family who always brings their kids over and drop them off. And as soon as the mom leaves, the child changes into some kind of a demon. I wish I was kidding, but I really can not stand the kid. I think I just may have way fewer patients now or something!

 

There have been other notable changes as well. I can tune a screaming child out and know the difference between crys. I don’t look at other moms when their children are misbehaving in the store and think “Oh my gosh! Look at those brats!” Now I just think “Thank you lord! Thank you for letting my baby be good for the moment!” I no longer find it necessary to show off my goods and much rather would wear something comfy than revealing. I don’t find it necessary to get all dolled up just to go get some food for my fridge. Sometimes its all I can do to get a shower everyday and run a brush thru my mop of a mane. But the biggest change is thinking before that I knew what love was, only to find that love was only a fraction of what I would feel the first time AM was placed in my arms. That is the most profound change of all.

 

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