Posts tagged ‘travel’

June 5, 2012

Road Trip With My Mother-In-Law, Pt. 1

by mommahasapottymouth

So, this Thursday night, me and my kids will be packing our travel bags (among lots of other things) and headed to Nana’s house. Good lord, I am nervous and excited at the same time.

Me and my MIL have not had the best of relationships thru out our almost 8 year relationship. I have been dishonest and bitchy, and at times she has been down right mean. I thought at first, this trip was more out of kindness to her son, or rather for his benefit, to make him see that she is trying with me. But, I think I was wrong.

Since my DH’s granny passed the day my son JR was born, we have been trying to work things out between us. I wont lie, it has been a VERY challenging road. There have been times that I went to her house and said not a single word to anyone besides my kids. Then not so long ago, she was diagnosed with the very thing that lead to her mother’s death, breast cancer.

I think somewhere (OK, I am positive) inside before she confirmed with her doc, I knew what the outcome was. And something inside me slightly turned from cold stone, to something a touch softer. ( What that would be called, I couldn’t tell ya) I wanted to do something. Take action. And whether she wanted it or not, I became a constant statue in her life. I talked to her almost daily ( almost as much as my own momma, but not quite). I couldn’t imagine what she was going thru. Because, in all honesty, if I was terrified, I couldn’t begin to comprehend what she felt.

(After her surgery, she started her radiation and chemo and, as of last friday she is now done with chemo. )

When we planned this trip a bout 2 months ago, I figured she was going to change her mind about taking me. We have never been anywhere together (except for lunch at Panera Bread or to do some light shopping) and I have never left my kids there over night. (You know they are a handful, don’t get all pissy with me ) But the closer it has gotten, the more we have talked about it.

Here is what I am terrified will happen:

  1. AM will be a total terror. I’m talking breaking things and screaming like a banchy.
  2. Neither AM or JR will sleep. That would just suck.
  3. I will get that wonderful surprise visit from Aunt Flo, right before I want to go for a swim.
  4. It will rain the whole time and we will be stranded in the hotel.
  5. I wont pack enough clothes for the trip, for any one of us.
  6. I will leave something we need, like medication, at home.
  7. I will leave something, like above, at the hotel.
  8. I will be home sick.
  9. AM will cry because she misses her daddy.

Oh what? You thought he was coming? No. Just me and the kids. Her and her youngest.

Leavenworth Wa, here I come

So, when I get back on Sunday, I will update y’all on how it all went down.

May 23, 2012

Assume the Position

by mommahasapottymouth

You thought after potty training, all the nastiness would be done, right? Yes, I am right. Well, you should have prepared better. Because after your little angel learns to use the toilet, many new things will happen to you!

Oh honey, your job is not quite done yet!

My favorite (*insert sarcastic voice) thing to hear at any given point of the day is “Momma! I pooped!” Followed instantly by “WIPE MY BUTT!” I am not kidding. Just because they now know when they need to go, and more times than not, they find their way to the potty, your job is not done!!

This morning, I walked out of my room, and almost fell on top of AM, who had, much to my surprise, assumed the position. That position would be something along the lines of on all fours, ass up in the air. She sees me and says ” There you are Momma! I was waiting for you to wipe my butt. I pooped.” Well, gosh, sorry to keep you waiting princess!

The worst is when she has (this is her own words here, not mine) “Esplodie butt,” and don’t worry. I wont paint that picture. Or when she decides to try to do the job her self. An entire roll of toilet paper, and half of it stuck between her cheeks. Nice!

Are you ready for this to be your #1 purchased item?

So don’t get all high and mighty just yet, because the fun part is just starting. Now, your children will announce to the ENTIRE area (store, restaurant, or any public place) that they¬† need to poop. And teaching them not to really bare it all is hard, to say the least. They like conversation while getting the job done. They want you to know that they know they stink. And everyone else. And when they are done, they want to know what color it is and if it is indeed “Esplodie.” Then they will bend over and put their nasty ass right in the air (have you been in a public restroom lately? Kinda cramped) and proudly ask you to “WIPE MY BUTT.”

Oh, don’t forget to let them flush. That’s really all they like to do.

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