Posts tagged ‘lists’

July 30, 2012

Guest Posts

by mommahasapottymouth

I would like to take the time to introduce the only person I would even think about letting do a guest post for me.  His name is Jeremy, but in my house we call him Fred.

Before I go any further with this, I want to make something VERY clear. I will not tolerate any one bad mouthing or saying anything hurtful about Jeremy’s situation. If you do not like what you have to hear after please just either don’t read or unfollow me. Easy pease.

 

Jeremy is my brother-in-law. He is the oldest of his siblings and has one daughter. He is one of the most creative writers I have ever had the pleasure of reading. He is always straight forward and never says anything but what he means. He is also serving in a state penitently.

 

This is where the don’t judge part comes in. He is a part of my family and I love him just the same as the rest of my in laws. (sometimes maybe a touch more, just kidding) He is paying the price for what he did. Again if you don’t want to read what he has to say, then please don’t. I will not approve of ANY mean or negative comments.

 

The first post will be up today.

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July 12, 2012

The After Party

by mommahasapottymouth

I have not been on since, well a long time. I am sorry for that. But I have lots to say now. We will start with the After party, and how the party went down.

I decided not to make the watermelon keg, and I am so glad I didn’t go that route. I made more of a Sopdy/Punch. Here is how I made it:

I went to the local Farm stand and bought a massive amount of fruit. Watermelon, Rainer cherries, grapes, nectarines, plums, apricots, a mango, and some strawberries.

I bawled the watermelon

chopped the grapes and cherries

Sliced the cherries,

Cut up the nectarines apricots and kinda sliced the mango.

I added them all to a big bowl, in layers (which I do not suggest you try.)

I Then dumped in a 5th of vodka, and half a 5th of Bacardi Limon and part of a bottle of Apple pucker. I let it marry the flavors over night and all the next day.

I loved it, but, to make it taste better, in each glass I added a Pink Lemonade Capri Sun Pouch. (Hey, don’t judge, there where kids at this party. )

The Good:

Most of the fruit was so amazing, you forgot you where getting drunk.

Even the Juice from the fruit and Liquor strait was slightly sweet, and had a fantastic flavor!

The Bad:

The watermelon soaked up both the Vodka and the Rum. Everyone who tried it couldn’t take the chunks of watermelon without a chaser.

It went by pretty fast!

In all everyone who tried it got a little tipsy, and it was refreshing on a warm night like the fourth. I will continue to be the one who brings the party to the party every year.

 

June 30, 2012

Fleas and Ticks and Mosquitos, OH MY!

by mommahasapottymouth

The weather is getting warmer everywhere and that means our fur babies are getting bugs, and I think this year is going to be bad.

I had never seen a tick before this year, and let me tell you they are ugly little fuckers!

know the difference!

We have dealt with fleas since we have had Buddy. It seems to me that dogs with lighter longer hair are more appetizing to fleas then those with darker shorter hair. I could be wrong though. And believe me, after you have them, its like pulling teeth trying to get rid of them!!

I myself have  tried everything! From bombs to the vacuuming to do-it-your-self. On my pets, I have found Revolution Drops seem to work for all of my dogs. Nothing I have found works well with my cats, so I am still searching. And, along with that, I am looking for something for that damn rabbit as well.

I have been doing a lot of research on this topic in the last week now, starting at night and stopping at bed time. I have come across a lot of very good information. I am including links to all the sites I found “visit worthy” and I encourage you to check them out.

The main reason I wanted to share this with y’all is because if any of you are like me, your pets are part of your family. Since April or so, I have pulled off at least 100 ticks off my girl Sissy. Once a vivacious dog, and well on the fat side, is now tired and skinny. I know it is because she is litterly being eaten alive. I am doing everything in my power to bring her back up to top-notch health. So I thought Id share with you what her Vet told me.

To remove a tick you will need sharp-pointed tweezers, a shallow dish or cup, rubbing alcohol and an antibiotic ointment (think Neosporin)

1. Get as close to the skin as possible and grab the tick by the head, gently pulling up and away from the dog.

2. If you do not get the head (and trust me, sometimes, it happens) leave it ALONE!! Do not pick at it or try to get it out. This may cause infection. After it dries up, it will surface like a pimple and be able to be removed.

3. Put Tick in to cup or dish and cover with rubbing alcohol. Do not flush or pop. Flushing will not kill it, and could come back up the pipes. Popping or squeezing it could cause your to come in contact with several diseases. Drowning it is the only way to safely destroy it.

4. Dab a bit of the antibiotic ointment on the site of the tick and leave alone!

He also told me that you should never hold a hot match up to the ticks ass, as this could cause it to burrow deeper, making removal harder. (Not to mention cause possible burns, I would think). The same can be said with covering it with petroleum Jelly, so don’t do it!! Check out the link below from the ASPCA on this!

http://www.aspca.org/pet-care/pet-care-tips/how-to-remove-a-tick-from-your-pet.aspx

As for fleas, just because you kill off the ones off the pets does not mean your problem ends there. There is an entire cycle you have to go thru before they are all gone.

 

A few years back we had a bad flea infestation. Matt bought borax and sprinkled it on the carpets and swept it in. We waited to vacuum for a few days, and repeated the process. Borax acts as a dehydrate for fleas. It dry them out. We did this every other day, for what seemed like a few months.

I have read though that you can do this once every 2 weeks for a few months to rid your home of fleas. Here is a picture of the flea life cycle, and a better way to understand how hard it is to kill the bastards.

I have also heard other remedies that help control fleas. I have tried Brewers Yeast, and while my dogs love love love it, the only difference that I noticed is that their coats become more oily. I have heard about adding garlic to their diets, but my dogs will not go near anything that smell like garlic. I have also heard really good things about Diotamaceous Earth. While I have not tried it, I have done my research on it. I know there are two different kinds of it, and the one you have to use on pets must be food grade. It is like the Borax as far as I can tell, and dries them out. If anyone has tried this method I would be interested in finding out how well it worked and what you did.

 

The bottom line is that this year is supposed to be hotter than normal. With that means our pets are at a higher risk of fleas and ticks (and Mosquito’s) and we as pet owners must do what we can to protect them. I encourage you to look into the matter and take a course of action that you feel is best for you and your family. .

Facts:

Mosquitos carry heart worm disease

Fleas can lead to tapeworms

Ticks can transmit diseases like Lyme and Rockie Mountain Spotted Fever to humans

One flea can lay up to 50 eggs a day

Ticks feed for 24 to 48 hours

Ticks lay 100 eggs at a time

Fleas consume 15 times their body weight in blood

 

 

 

 

June 12, 2012

Motherhood Has Changed Me

by mommahasapottymouth

I think its funny to look back at the days of “Pre-Mommyhood” and remember how different I am today. My outlook on life has changed, as well as every other part of me. Some are so profound, while others just plain suck! For example:

(From here on out BB is Before Babies, and AB is After Babies)

BB: I wore a size 0 and weighed 110 with all my clothes on. I couldn’t fill out a shirt or the back side of my jeans.

AB: I fluctuate between sizes and my weight is much higher ( I think I may have been too skinny BB, but come on, I could at least get to 125, right?) and I fill out my shirts in all the wrong places (my waist) and I still have no ass.

BB: I could stay up all night, and wake up refreshed, or sleep untill the next night.

AB: If I stay up past 11, I pay for it dearly, and if I sleep past 6:30, my children must be sick.

BB: I could nap.

AB: What the hell is a nap?

BB: I thought that legalizing Marijuana would be no big deal, same as I thought America (ok the world, but I like to start small) did not really have a drug problem.

AB: While I think legalizing Marijuana for medicinal reasons is still a good idea, I don’t think just anyone should be able to walk into the local Wal-Mart and buy it. And, I still don’t think America has a drug problem, I know it.

BB: If someone where to approach me about signing for the above matter, I would have gladly singed it.

AB: The other day, a woman out side of the store came up to me and told me and my children that only a “man and a woman” should be allowed to marry. She was shouting it. I almost punched her square in her nose. Even if I did believe that (which I don’t) who gave her the right to teach my children that is even an issue? Same as last summer, some guy with dreads (I don’t judge, but I am pretty sure he was not looking at pot in the “drug for cancer or MS” patients stand point, if you know what I mean) approached me and asked me to sign his petition to legalize it. Y’all can only imagine the questions I had to answer from my way too smart 3-year-old. Not cool.

BB: I was positive that when I had children, I wouldn’t do the things my parents did, nor would I say the things my Momma said.

AB: Ha ha. I was funny back then. I am constantly thinking about how I will deal with the boyfriend that I hate when my daughter gets to that age, or the make up she will want to wear. I am certain that my answer will be nothing short of what my Mommas answers where; ” Not in my house” ” Over my dead body” “I don’t care what ( insert childs name here) parents let them do. I am your momma, not theirs” ” If your friends jumped off a bridge, would you too?” and my already all time favorite is ” BECAUSE I SAID SO” which I use more than any other already.

BB: I didn’t want children. E V E R!

AB: I could not imaging my life with out my babies now. No matter how mad or crazy they make me.

BB: My biggest problem was if we had enough beer to camp with.

AB: Beer is not even on my list of problems, but at times I find my self wishing I had a whole damn Keg.

BB: I loved having company and going places.

AB: Now, its like, don’t come over please! My house is a mess, and my children are making it worse! And going somewhere now includes an hour of prep time, not including packing my luggage of crap for the kids. You know, the “Just in case” bag? Most of the prep is getting AM ready by begging she be on her best behavior, and bribing her with something if she plays nicely with either the children at said place or their dogs.

And finally…

BB: I loved everyone kids! I was that girl who didn’t have any of her own, but all the kids flocked to and I loved it.

AB: Now, if they are not family ( and sometimes that doesn’t always help) or very close friends kids, I can’t stand them. I think sometimes I must be a horrible parent. There is this one family who always brings their kids over and drop them off. And as soon as the mom leaves, the child changes into some kind of a demon. I wish I was kidding, but I really can not stand the kid. I think I just may have way fewer patients now or something!

 

There have been other notable changes as well. I can tune a screaming child out and know the difference between crys. I don’t look at other moms when their children are misbehaving in the store and think “Oh my gosh! Look at those brats!” Now I just think “Thank you lord! Thank you for letting my baby be good for the moment!” I no longer find it necessary to show off my goods and much rather would wear something comfy than revealing. I don’t find it necessary to get all dolled up just to go get some food for my fridge. Sometimes its all I can do to get a shower everyday and run a brush thru my mop of a mane. But the biggest change is thinking before that I knew what love was, only to find that love was only a fraction of what I would feel the first time AM was placed in my arms. That is the most profound change of all.

 

June 5, 2012

Mommas Biscuits and Gravey, and a Light Dessert!

by mommahasapottymouth

Wow, lately I am on a food roll. I think I have been posting more food related posts than anything. Sorry about that to y’all who came to hear me rant or bitch. Anyway, tonight I made an awesome from scratch dinner and changed up a recipe I got from my best friend to suit my needs for a cake. I want y’all to try them if you get the chance.

 

For the dinner you will need:

Sausage (don’t use the breakfast kind. The hot may work, but I used plain ol’ regular Jimmy Dean.)

Garlic and Pepper Seasoning

Chili powder

Flour ( I used Silk Cake Flour, and I couldn’t have hoped it turned out so well)

Butter ( you guys know me by now)

Milk

Fresh ground pepper corn (additional to the garlic and pepper mix)

Biscuits  (OK, I will admit my biscuit skills are way below par, but, Pillsbury’s are right up there with granny right??)

 

First, brown the meat, and do not drain the fat. Add some butter to the pot (oh yeah use a non stick pot for this) and melt completely. After start adding (slowly) some flour, and brown it. I like mine thick so I probley added about a 1/4 cup)  This step is critical for the right turn out. Before adding more flour to the pan, make sure the stuff in the pot is already browned. Don’t let it stick to the bottom.

After you have added the right amount of flour to your meat and butter mix, slowly whisk in milk. Remember, It’s easier to thin something out then to keep trying to thicken it up. The longer you wish and cook, the thicker it will be.

Taste and serve over warm biscuits!!

 

Now for the cake.

You need:

Angel food cake ( yes I am lazy. I bought mine pre made.)

Jello ( I used black cherry, but I think any berry type would taste great)

1 cup boiling water

Berry preserves ( I used a 3 berry mix boysenberry, raspberry and blackberry)

Softened Cool Whip in the tub. ( don’t get the flavored kind. Yuck!!)

 

Poke semi large holes in the top of your angel food cake. Set on a jelly pan.

Boil water and completely dissolve jello. Pour mix over cake. Immediately put cake to cool in fridge. At least 2 hours. (Don’t worry, the jello wont make anything soggy)

After the jello has set, spread a thinnish layer of preserves on top of the jello. Allow to cool in fridge again for 1/2 hour.

Now spread the whole cake with cool whip.

Enjoy!

 

If you change anything to either, let me know. I love to try new things!!

June 4, 2012

Mommas Stir Fry

by mommahasapottymouth

 

Mmm, I made some delicious stir fry the other night. It was so yummy I have to share it with y’all!!

 

 

I didn’t measure any thing. I never do.

 

You need:

Kielbasa Sausage

2 cloves Garlic

Butter

Soy Sauce

Orange Juice

Curry Powder

Honey

Veggies (I like the kind that has green beans and peas in them, but I am sure any frozen kind would work)

Pepper

Cornstarch

Water

Chilli powder

Cooked rice

How to do it:

Slice the sausage and mince the garlic. Toss into a pan with the butter (enough to lightly brown the sausage)

After the butter is completely melted, add 2 parts orange juice to one part soy sauce. Drizzle honey (don’t be shy with the honey. It wont be too sweet.) Cook until sauce is warmed thru. Remove the meat.

Toss the veggies into the sauce and add a tad more butter. (Ha ha I love butter. I know I am going to hurt my self in the long run, but this is my vice, so don’t judge me) Sprinkle the curry powder ( this is one spice you don’t want to go way over board with. Start with a pinch and work your way into more if you need it.) and the chili powder (again, just start with a pinch) and a dash more of the juice and soy sauce. Add a smidgen more of the honey and cover until the veggies are tender.(Turn the heat down a bit too.)

 

While this is cooking mix a little corn starch and cold water up. (No clumps silly) When the veggies are tender, add the meat back to the pan and add the corn starch, a little at a time. Bring to a boil and stir. Lower the heat back down and cover.

Serve over rice!!

 

June 4, 2012

Oh Sunny Day!

by mommahasapottymouth

Gosh darn, I am THE blog worlds biggest slacker ever. For that, I apologize.

With that, I am honored to accept the “Sunshine Blogger Award” given to me by Priscilla, over at http://onlinedatingjournal.wordpress.com. This chick has been thru so much in the short time I have been reading. She has a potty mouth which I appreciate, and can make you laugh and cry, as well as get red-hot (ha ha Priscilla, red-hot in two ways 😉 ) angry. She is explicit. She doesn’t give a damn what anyone thinks about her words. I look up to her in some ways. So please, check her blog out and see what all the fuss is about!!!

With the award, comes rules. I try to follow them as I see fit, and this time I will try! Here they are:

The Sunshine Award rules are:

Include the award logo in a post or somewhere on your blog.

Answer 10 questions about yourself.

Nominate 10 to 12 other fabulous bloggers.

Link your nominees to the post and comment on their blog, letting them know about the award.

Share the love and link the person who nominated you.

So, since there is no “set” generic questions, I get to make them up, and they are:

Q: Did you always want kids?

A: Hell no! I was that lady that liked them when they are someone elses to hand back to!

Q: Chocolate or Vanilla?

A: Psh! Carmel baby!

Q:Rich or Healthy?

A: Healthy. If I am too sick to spend all that money whats the point?

Q: Pet peeves?

A: Teeth grinding. Ugh it drives me insane!

Q: Righty or Lefty?

A: Lefty

Q: Most embarrassing moment of all time?

A: I wont go into details but, rollerblading down a hill was not my best moment. Picture the cartoon who slams into a wall with their arms up in the air. That, my friends, was me!

Q: Favorite Color?

A: I have two, pink and black.

Q: Favorite off line activity?

A: Ever since I was young, it has been reading. I have over 200 books on my Kindle alone, and I am trying to hard not to add more untill I finish up these ones. Clearly that wont work!

Q: Number of Siblings?

A: 3 brothers, 2 whom I don’t talk to ever (1 of them I wish I did.) 1 sister who hates me, and 1 sister who I love to death!

Q: Celebrity crush?

A: Gerard Butler and Jason Aldean!! MMM! I love them both!!

Now to the nominations!! Gosh there are so many of y’all who I read daily, I wish I didnt have to just pick a handful. Everyone of you has brought some sunshine into my life here and there! So, with that, my nominees are:

 dirtyrottenparenting.com

articlesofabsurdity.com/

tadams4u.wordpress.com/

averagechildhood.wordpress.com/

unfinishedbizness.wordpress.com/

pouringmyartout.wordpress.com/

notquiteold.wordpress.com/

momoftwosalums.wordpress.com/

jerry-mahoney.com/

stufficantputonfacebook.wordpress.com/

Seriously, go check them all out. I think you will love them just as I do!!

May 31, 2012

Coffee is the secret!!

by mommahasapottymouth

Today I am making two things, well three if you want to count dessert. So, I want to share the chili first. It’s so tasty!

You will need:

Ground meat (I always use burger, but turkey may work too)

Canned beans ( I love beany chili, so I use three or four: pinto kidney and sometimes black)

Tomato’s ( canned when fresh is not available) diced. (don’t drain them)

Beef broth ( I like the kind with gelatin added, but any kind works. I also use the Knorr concentrated beef broth packets)

amazing!!

Orageno

Cummin ( I tend to use a lot, and taste while I go)

Chili powder (see above )

Chopped Onion

Minced Garlic

Cold coffee (like from this morning that you didn’t use)

Rice or corn bread, cooked as package directed. (normally I use rice, tonight it will be fresh corn bread)

Shredded Cheese

( on a side note, my DH loves to make this dish, but he does not use the same ingredients. Basicly, its meat beans and hot hot peppers.)

What to do:

Brown and drain fat from meat.

Chop onions and tomatoes (if fresh)

Add onions tomatoes and garlic to meat. Cook until onions are soft.

Add Coffee and beef broth.

Stir in tomato’s and canned beans.

Add oregano and cummin to taste, along with chili powder.

Simmer until thick. (I continue to add spices during this phase. Taste your food as you go. Only draw back is you may not be hungry when dinner is ready)

Serve topped with cheese, over rice or with a side of corn bread.

ENJOY!

May 30, 2012

Mommas Back!

by mommahasapottymouth

So this has been a very productive week for me, hence the no activity! So before I add a few posts, Id like to update y’all on what I’ve been doing.

Starting Friday, I worked my ass off. Quite literally.

  • Took my monster sized baby to the doc, and he is a wooping 26 lbs and 32 inches tall. Yeah, he’s only 9 months old. Oh he will be mammas little line backer!
  • Picked up my niece, Nana, which worked out so well.
  • Shoveled 3 truck loads of Garden Dirt. (AM  proudly announces to the entire neighborhood that its “poop dirt”). In case you are wondering, that is 1 1/2 yards each load.
  • Planted more of my garden,  in little pots with starter dirt. It’s supposed to help root development. Works well too.
  • Cleaned my yard. Like really cleaned it. Now we only look like hillbilly’s instead of rednecks. Rednecks with junk everywhere.

yes this is parked in my drive way. Its way bigger in real life though

  • Had a bon fire with all of the neighborhood kids. (5 boys from next door, one from across the street, my 2, my niece and the parents from next door. ) Yeah we roasted marshmallows.

  • Cleaned off my porch. No more trip hazard at this mammas house!
  • Did all the laundry. There was tons!
  • And today I finally cleaned AM’s room. That took 3 stinkin hours!

 

I plan to continue working outside this week. And clean (deep clean) my kitchen and go thru all my clothes and take anything that doesn’t fit down to the local thrift store. Then I have to re fold everything and find a spot to put it!

 

So, this is why I haven’t been on as of late. But never fear, Momma is back!

 

May 24, 2012

Best Movie Quotes….Ever Pt. 2

by mommahasapottymouth

Last night, while tossing and turning, it occurred to me that I left out some really awesome quotes from some brilliant movies. So here goes round two!

From “Scarface

  • “I’m Tony Montana! You fuck with me, you fuckin’ with the best!”
  • ” Say hello to my little friend!”
  • “I never fucked anybody over in my life didn’t have it coming to them. You got that? All I have in this world is my balls and my word and I don’t break them for no one.”

 

From “Diary Of A Mad Black Woman

  • “Well, peace always comes with still…” [takes out gun] “’cause I keeps me a piece o’ steel.”
  • “Every time I try to read the Bible… and Jesus… the one with all the words in red… I open my Bible to that New Testimony and see all that red and I just give up. Jesus was talkin’ way too much.”
  • “I’m not bitter. I’m mad as hell.”
  • “I aint scared a no po po. Call da po po hoe… Call da po po hoe.”

 

From”Talladega Nights”

  • “Susan, I’ve never heard you talk like that… Are we about to get it on? Because I’m as hard as a diamond in an ice storm right now.”
  • “Shake and bake”
  • “Shut up, Chip, or I’ll go ape-shit on your ass!”
  • “Chip, I’m gonna come at you like a spider monkey!”
  • “Chip, I’m all jacked up on Mountain Dew!”
  • “Dear Lord baby Jesus, lyin’ there in your ghost manger, just lookin’ at your Baby Einstein developmental videos, learnin’ ’bout shapes and colors. I would like to thank you for bringin’ me and my mama together, and also that my kids no longer sound like retarded gang-bangers.”
  • “If you ain’t first, you’re last.”

 

There, I think I am done! If y’all have any that I left out, let me know. Ill be adding a part 3 some day, so look for it.

 

( not all of these on this or the first post came from my head. A lot came from here, I just remembered that I loved the movie and looked up the exact words. So I didn’t sound silly adding or leaving out words.)

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