The Mad Scientist In Momma PT 2

If you failed to read part one of this, then you are missing out!! Go check it out here, yes yes, I’ll wait…

Good. As you know, Pintrest! is not my friend!! I feel all ambitious every time I am there, but I can not stay away!!Any way.

I figured y’all would want to know the end result to my candy makin Tequila. Can I just say the green is freakin amazing!!! The lemon has yet to be added to anything, and anymore I am not a straight shooter. ( Don’t tell my friends from High School that though, they wouldn’t believe that for a second!!)

I also have to report that I tried doing this with Vodka:

I went and got two 5th’s of the cheapest Vodka I could get ($6.25) and poured some into clean mason jars. I also bought a lot of candy. Watermelon Sour Patch Kids, 2 bags of Jolly Rancher jelly beans and marshmallows.

I picked out the blue and the pinkish red jelly beans and put all of each into a jar with Vodka and sealed. I also put 3 boxes of the Sour patch kids in to one jar and sealed it. With the marshmallows, I was worried about not being sweet enough so I added a sprinkle ( yea that is a measurement in my house) of raw cane sugar in to a tiny little jar. Here is what happened:

Jelly bean Vodka: The color change was almost instant. It took a little over a week to break down the jelly beans, and even then it didn’t break down fully. I shook the shit out of those jars every time I looked at them . I took a normal mesh strainer and ran the Vodka thru twice. After I took the mesh off of one of those mesh splatter guards ( please don’t ask me what the hell it is really called) and that got all the candy out.

Watermelon Sour Patch Vodka: This one took a little less time to break down. Argh but it looked so disgusting when it was “fermenting” I almost nixed the whole idea, almost. The candy sort of broke up and then settled on the bottom, and the whole thing turned a yucky greyish color. I shook this one as often as the others too. At one point my DH told me it was bad, and smelled like rotten lemon. After a week and a half, I strained it the same way as above. In the end, I added a touch of pink food coloring, because I knew no one would touch it in the current color.

marshmallow: This shit sucked. I dropped a ton of them into a small glass and poured maybe 2 shots over. I added a tiny bit of sugar and shook the shit out of it. After a day, they were gone. And it tasted terrible. I have no clue what I did wrong, but if anyone has an idea to make it tastier I am all freakin ears!!

I am happy to report that both of the watermelon vodkas turned out fantastic, while the blue jolly rancher was good, it was not AMAZING. I mixed them with plain ol Sprite, and hot damn, that shit is good.

There are two downsides to this idea of mine though: One, they still have the “Cheap Vodka Smell” which may very well turn out to be a blessing… and two, they absolutely do NOT taste like ” Cheap Vodka,” which in it self is a terrible thing. They tasted like the candy. Could turn out to be very dangerous to my health!

Until next time,

Drink it up and Cheers bitches!!!

Pre-Party Fruit Experiment No. 1

So we are doing a big party at my best friends house this year for the fourth. I am planning to do something over the top in terms of the liquor department. Right now I am in the process of conducting an experiment with strawberries and Tequila Rose. Here is whats goin on in my fridge at the moment:

I bought 2 big things of strawberries from the grocery store today. My children love them, and I am going to try to get them alcoholic. I only had half a bottle of Tequila left so I figured what the hell, let’s try.

I found the smallest softest berries and cut the stems off, and just the tip of the end. Then I took my paring knife and took out just a tad of the core out. I tossed them in to a bowl with a tight fitting lid and poured the Tequila right over top. I will leave it in the fridge over night, and check things out. I expect that they will no longer be a brilliant red color but instead a light pink. I figure that they will be good and soaked and, what ever Tequila is left I will be able to make a drink out of. Win in my book.

If this goes the way I hope it will, I plan to make a big platter of these along with a keg of sorts watermelon. This is what I will do.

I have to buy more than one watermelon because children will be present and they all love watermelon. Cant have the children eating my treats, right?? I will cut a small portion of the top off

click for credit

and try to get some of the pulp loosened up. Then I am going to pour in a nice amount of straight Vodka. I will replace the lid and let it sit in my fridge until the liquid is absorbed. Then I am going to take another type of liquor (I was thinking coconut rum, but coconut and watermelon?? weird in my book.) maybe a strawberry or some type of fruit schnapps or vodka and dump another generous amount. I will replace the lid and let it sit untill the party starts. My plan for the party is to scoop the pulp that is loose in to cups and serve that. Once the pulp is gone, I plan to cut it up and pass it out to eat.

So does my plan sound stupid?? Gross? Would you change any thing in the recipe? Have you tried any of this? How did it turn out??

As We Grow Up, I think We Grow Apart

My family, I tell ya, has been through shit. I mean that very tenderly too, because most of the time, if I have the problem, they all have the problem. We are dysfunctional and hardly ever see eye to eye. We will always call bull shit, and be the first to point out a flaw. But, the essence of my family is that deep down, we are not just children and parents, or siblings. We are friends. I consider my momma to be one of my very best friends. I will not lie to y’all. Its taken about 21 (give or take) years to perfect it, and we still argue all the time. But, she is the first person I call when I am losing the battle with my lovely daughter, or when I have gossip that MUST be shared. With that said…

 

I am not going to call this person out, that may just be rude, and I am pretty sure my daddy would not approve of that, (I know your reading this and thinking ” oh lord! please get her to shut up before she tells some deep dark family secret” right daddy? Dont worry. ) But, I will say this. I think that it is so sad that someone who shares no blood relations with me or my children knows my children better than someone who does. I needed that person so many times through out my life, and, unless there was something in it for them, they wouldn’t come to my aid. I think they even told me (and I quote) “You’re fucking stupid Marlene. Why would you have a baby?” Same person said the same thing when I had my son. Didnt even bother to visit me after I had them.

I understand that my house is further away then the rest of my close-knit family. But see, the road that I have to take to come visit you also runs right back to my door step. Amazing how things work huh? I can count the number of times I have seen or spoke to them this year. It’s a pretty low number. Lower than 10.

So if you are reading this, and feel like you are the guilty party, I can assure you, you’re right. If you don’t want us in your life because we don’t fit your life style, well that is ok. But, when your gut starts telling you that maybe you need to make amends with me, please, either save your breath and paper, or make it worth my while. I am done waiting for you to decide to be apart of my children’s life.

There Is No Going Back From Here

So I have made some fucked up decisions in my life time. I’ve hurt some really good people. I have also been hurt a time or two over the years. I think that is kinda what started my down hill spiral. Now is not the time to go into who did what to me, or how they did it, but I do need to get somethings off my chest before I explode.

Today, I had to learn from Facebook (of all the god damn places) that my ONLY sister graduated from high school. I am devastated. I knew it was comin, I just figured that we could set aside our differences for one night and I could be there to witness the good deed she accomplished. No such luck. I also knew that wouldn’t happen. I wont get into the terrible details, but I will tell you it started with her boyfriend. (I have no idea if they are still together) I make quilts, and me and all the kids in the family got fabric together to make for our grandma. All significant others (married or otherwise) were to be left off. Well, that just wouldn’t fly. She got so mad. Whatever. We got over it and kind of moved on. Then we hit our final bump. It was huge. When I was pregnant with JR, I was told that there was a chance that he could have Downs Syndrome. I was devastated. I ended up in the hospital that same night with kidney problems. The very first person I went to was my sister. She shot right back that I was a liar and ignorant. That I must be stupid because everyone knows that you can not see the baby’s brain in an ultrasound. I couldn’t believe she was saying those things. She didn’t even visit me in the hospital. I havent heard from her after she told me I was dead to her. I did tell her that I would always be here when she came down off her high horse.

You see, her and I have always had a rocky relationship. But I have always loved her. I was seven when she was born, and I admit I was a little jealous. I had always been the only girl. (I think at this point I need to let everyone who doesn’t know, she is my half-sister. My biological father remarried my step mom and had a baby with her. Not my daddy. ) Then, it kind of turned into a competition between us. My step mom hated me (and still does) so she went out of her way to make Missy the perfect little girl. I remember seeing my parents pick her Binky up after it fell on the floor and clean it off with their mouth (yuck!) and I tried to do the same thing and was scolded for it big time.

I eventually ran away from my mommas house when I was 14, (for a stupid low life boy my daddy hated, for good reason) and moved in with my father and his family. All was good for about 6 weeks. Then shit started to crumble. Big time, and soon after, both parents where at the bar every single night until closing. I had to take care of my sister and little brother. And she hated me for it. One time, I called my momma crying and Missy just wouldn’t leave shit alone. She was screaming in my face. I walked up the stairs to my room, talking to my momma to calm down. Missy ripped the phone cord out of the wall. Then she came up and started taunting me. I pushed her down the stairs by her face. The sad thing is, I didn’t feel any thing when I did that. Another time, she came into my room and started throwing things at me, shoes, movies what ever she could get her hands on.

Our relationship started to get better when I found out I was pregnant with AM. She became my best friend. She walked the mall with me, went to eat and talked to me every day several times. It was everything I had wanted for us. After my daughter was born, she sat right by me and watched them sitch me up. She loved my daughter.

After a while, things started to change. She started calling less, and coming to see her god-daughter less. I knew it had everything to do with me living an hour and a half away and that she had a boyfriend at her house. I understood.

One day, she started flipping out on me. Told me she hated me for calling CPS on our father. PSH! I had not even thought to ever do that, and if I had, it would have been done when I was still living with them. Soon after, was christmas and everything after that. I have yet to hear her voice in over a year.

click picture for photo credit

I apologize for the long-winded post. I just want y’all to know. If you have siblings, don’t ever take them for granted. Tell them you love them all the time. Never say good-bye on bad terms. Always work it out. My momma always told me “From cradle to grave, always love your brother (or sister) because he’s the only one you’ll ever have.” I never realized how true that was until this. And when you get to where I am, there is no turning back. Just remember that.

This is our FUTURE?

 

So, today as I sit back and think about my children’s future, a horrid thought ran across my mind; “My generation is SCREWED!” I can not imagine what will happen to me as I grow old and need help. I can not fathom having to rely on either our government or today’s youth for anything. Honestly, I am quite afraid. So I’ll just get right to addressing the huge elephant in the room now:

 

Have any of you watched the news lately? How many times have you heard about kids bringing guns to school? Or all the bullying? What about all the cuts OUR government wants to make to things like Medicare? Will Social Security be a thing of the past? Retirement age keeps going up,( yes I understand, that goes up with life expectancy, but really??) How many will end up with some sort of “After-High-School” training or education? What about all the meth heads and other druggies? Will they steal my high blood pressure medication or my heart medication? I know I am being silly, but we have to consider these things? What does our future hold?

 

 

 

If you think I am wrong in my feelings about today’s youth, visit this link. It’s a poll taken over a period of a few years, and illustrates my feelings. Although I fit in the 18-29 year old category, I am less than optimistic.

And please, don’t get me started on the outlook for Social Security and Medicare. It’s a joke. I realise that is not our youths fault, but congress. I would rather not blame anyone. But, alas, the blame must fall.

I am also a little worried about the work ethic. I mean, with the number rising of Americans (young and old ) abusing illicit drugs, I can’t imagine that the work ethic is very strong. With that, I would assume, goes the want to succeed and be better.

So my question, who is going to man the rest home or hospice I happen to land in if fewer people are being trained to do so? Who is going to foot the bill (because I most definitely will not have all kinds of money saved) when some fool with no desire to care for me grudgingly takes me in out of pitty?

 

Things I CAN NOT live with out

There are things that I know I don’t need, for example; a cell phone. And there are some things I know I MUST have. And if you do not have any of them, well I strongly feel like you must go out and get you some. NOW!!

1. My dishwasher. Seriously. When I went to my dads house (not my daddy) I had to clean the dishes by hand as a punishment. I H A T E hand washing dishes.
2. My crock pot. It’s the lazy mommas way of making a delicious meal! And during the summer it is my best friend.
3. My Kindle. Oh man. I love love love this thing! And there are web sites out there that tell you all kinds of free books! No more “missing” pages for this momma!
4. Socks. I hate hate hate bare feet.
5. My bra. Need I say more?
6. The internet. I am seriously addicted.
7. My TV. OK this one is not for me. Well, kind of. When I need a ten minuet break, I switch that bad boy on and get some peace. Don’t judge me.
8. My dryer. I could wash my clothes by hand, if I had to. But the chances of me drying them outside and not having to re-wash them are pretty slim. My yard is full of pine trees and the needles are EVERY WHERE!
9. Sheets. I wouldn’t be able to sleep with out my cotton sheets. Also an addiction of mine. I change them every other day. nothing better than slippin into a clean bed that smells so amazing. Which leads me to…
10. Fabric softener. Oh my, I am so stingy with this shit! It’s reserved for towels and sheets and my jackets. I don’t share, but it makes everything smell like a bit of heaven!!!

Oh there are other things that I love, but I could live with out. Like my car, for instance. But those things above? Forget about it!

Guilty Pleasures

 

Lets be honest for a sec… we all have a guilty pleasure. Some over indulge and some hardly  touch the surface. But there is not a person who enjoys something that is either bad for them, embarrassing or down right bad. I’ll be the first to admit mine.

Will you?

1. The internet. How else would I tell you about my day and  complain about my children and other wise boring days?
2. TV. specifically, shows that make me feel better about either my self or my family. Teen Mom, Hoarders, 16 & Pregnant, Intervention, just about any thing on MTV.
3. Smoking, don’t judge me. I know its bad for me.
4. Reading. It’s only a guilty pleasure because I spend the most time doing this. When I can’t sleep. When I go out to smoke. And they made this AMAZING little fancy e-book called a Kindle. My little best friend.
5. Bleach. I get the need to bleach EVERYTHING from my momma.
6. Music. As y’all know, my taste in music is, well, not always appropriate for my children. But when I’m listening, I sing. LOUD.
7. Ice Cream. And I don’t share. My favorites are Ben & Jerry’s Red Velvet Cake, Oatmeal Cookie and Hagindaz  Salted Carmel Truffle. I only buy the little ones so there is none left when I am done.
8. Butter. I don’t need to explain this one, do I?
9. Nick Jr. For my children. OK, it’s so I can read for 26 minuets but can you blame me?
10. Bed Time. Has to be my favorite time of day. When the house is finally quiet. AHHH!

I don’t drink (often enough to call it drinking, although when I am with my favorite uncle and my daddy I tend to over do it) I don’t do drugs ( truly despise them. To the depths of my soul) and I don’t own a cell phone. My best friend is the only one I talk to everyday and have a normal adult conversation ( I love her for that) . Do you blame me for wanting any of these things?? Really?

Truths about Momma

I figured y’all need to get to know me a little better since I have a few followers. So here is some truths about Momma:

• My name is Marlene
• I’m 25
• I’m not legally married. But I may as well be
• I am terrified of Monkeys and gorillas. Terrified!
• I am also afraid of birds, although Humming Birds are my worst enemy
• I have a favorite kid, and that is who ever is making me not want to pull my hair out at that time
• I have an addictive personality. I once got addicted to the gym.
• My favorite word is Fuck. You can fit that word into ANY sentence and make it work.
• I love my Momma and Daddy.
• I love to cook and bake
• My dream is to be something more than a mom. It used to be a Journalist, now I just want to own a restaurant and be the head chef.
• I cry at movies like the Fox and the Hound, but rarely laugh out loud at something on TV.
• Beauty and style are not my forte’. I just like to be dressed.
• I grew up in the city, but moved to a small town and will never go back.
• I want a farm, with lots of pigs
• I once thought the words to “Stayin Alive” where (I wish I where kidding here) “Ah Ah Ah Ah slayin a rat”
• When I like a song, I sing with out inhibition, and dance like I know what I am doing.
• I have one best friend, who has been there for everything (including the birth of my son) and knows everything there is to know about me! Her name is Megan.
• I don’t tie my shoes.
• I yell when I’m mad.  A LOT.

There you have it. That’s  me in about 300 words. ( thank you fancy dancy word counter at the bottom of this!)