Archive for ‘Family’

March 25, 2013

The Mad Scientist In Momma PT 2

by mommahasapottymouth

If you failed to read part one of this, then you are missing out!! Go check it out here, yes yes, I’ll wait…

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Good. As you know, Pintrest! is not my friend!! I feel all ambitious every time I am there, but I can not stay away!!Any way.

I figured y’all would want to know the end result to my candy makin Tequila. Can I just say the green is freakin amazing!!! The lemon has yet to be added to anything, and anymore I am not a straight shooter. ( Don’t tell my friends from High School that though, they wouldn’t believe that for a second!!)

I also have to report that I tried doing this with Vodka:

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I went and got two 5th’s of the cheapest Vodka I could get ($6.25) and poured some into clean mason jars. I also bought a lot of candy. Watermelon Sour Patch Kids, 2 bags of Jolly Rancher jelly beans and marshmallows.

I picked out the blue and the pinkish red jelly beans and put all of each into a jar with Vodka and sealed. I also put 3 boxes of the Sour patch kids in to one jar and sealed it. With the marshmallows, I was worried about not being sweet enough so I added a sprinkle ( yea that is a measurement in my house) of raw cane sugar in to a tiny little jar. Here is what happened:

Jelly bean Vodka: The color change was almost instant. It took a little over a week to break down the jelly beans, and even then it didn’t break down fully. I shook the shit out of those jars every time I looked at them . I took a normal mesh strainer and ran the Vodka thru twice. After I took the mesh off of one of those mesh splatter guards ( please don’t ask me what the hell it is really called) and that got all the candy out.

sour-watermelon-slices-i4

Watermelon Sour Patch Vodka: This one took a little less time to break down. Argh but it looked so disgusting when it was “fermenting” I almost nixed the whole idea, almost. The candy sort of broke up and then settled on the bottom, and the whole thing turned a yucky greyish color. I shook this one as often as the others too. At one point my DH told me it was bad, and smelled like rotten lemon. After a week and a half, I strained it the same way as above. In the end, I added a touch of pink food coloring, because I knew no one would touch it in the current color.

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marshmallow: This shit sucked. I dropped a ton of them into a small glass and poured maybe 2 shots over. I added a tiny bit of sugar and shook the shit out of it. After a day, they were gone. And it tasted terrible. I have no clue what I did wrong, but if anyone has an idea to make it tastier I am all freakin ears!!

I am happy to report that both of the watermelon vodkas turned out fantastic, while the blue jolly rancher was good, it was not AMAZING. I mixed them with plain ol Sprite, and hot damn, that shit is good.

There are two downsides to this idea of mine though: One, they still have the “Cheap Vodka Smell” which may very well turn out to be a blessing… and two, they absolutely do NOT taste like ” Cheap Vodka,” which in it self is a terrible thing. They tasted like the candy. Could turn out to be very dangerous to my health!

Until next time,

Drink it up and Cheers bitches!!!

February 17, 2013

The rules of relationships

by mommahasapottymouth

I think the problem I have is that I just care way to god damn much. I care about people who cant seem to fucking return it. I am trying to change that about my self but god damn it, its hard.

The worst thing about not having it returned is the amount of time you invest into something only to watch it crumble. I have sat back and watched all kinds of relationships fail because the lack of caring. After you try to try for so long, you begin think that it’s not going to work, and in the end it does not. I wish that the people who I unconditionally care about would return it, so I am writing these simple rules. Maybe some of you are hurting someone and there is still time to fix the problem??

 

  1. You can have more than 1 friend, but only 1 friend will know you the best. It sucks I know.
  2. Don’t try to make others jealous. We are not in high school. (In the chance that you ARE in fact in high school, listen here: That shit don’t fly in the real world, so just stop now)
  3. Be selfless. Dont expect the favor to be returned every time.
  4. Return the favor if you are always the taker. It goes a long way to preserving a friendship or relationship by showing that you are in fact grateful.
  5. Say your sorry, but don’t say it so much that it loses its meaning.
  6. Say what you mean. Again, who ever it is that this applies to, we are all grown ups for Petes sakes! If your feelings are hurt, FUCKING speak the hell up!!!
  7. A friendship is not a contest. Don’t compete with others for one persons attention. If they are truly your friend/love, there will be no contest.
  8. Know them. I mean really know them. Know the things they hate, and love.
  9. Never speak horrible things and always defend. If your my best buddy or my love, no matter if you are right or wrong, I will always speak good things and I will always defend you to anyone else. It’s just how it works.

But the main thing to being in a relationship or friendship that works is this golden rule:

DON’T LEAVE!

If you still love someone (mushy type or otherwise) you stay by their side, thru thick AND thin. You don’t trade them in for something that sounds better, because when better fails, they may not let you back in.

It turns out that I wish I had a friendship that followed these rules.

 

I found this poem and if my only good friend happens to read this, it pretty much is how I feel.

I Love You Too

Twenty Rules to Being Your Best Friend

1. When you’re depressed, I’ll scare the crap out of you so you’re too busy calming your heart rate to keep being depressed.

2. When you trip and fall flat on your face, I’ll point and laugh, and if anyone else dares, I’ll beat them up to a pulp.

3. When you get a boyfriend you really like, I’ll tease you endlessly about him, and when you’re not looking, I’ll march up to him and warn, “She’s my best friend; you break her heart, I’ll break your face.

4. When you’re blue, I will try my best to dislodge whatever is choking you.

5. When you’re standing by the water or on the diving board, I’ll push you into the water and laugh at you.

6. When you say “I hate you!” I’ll respond “I love you too.”

7. We can never discuss anything serious because whenever we try, we always end up rolling around in laughter.

8. My dream future always includes you.

9. When you grin, I know it’s not necessarily because you’re happy, but because you’re plotting something, and it involves me.

10. When you are trying to avoid somebody, I will invite that somebody to your house, lock you two in your room and demand you make amends or else I’m not unlocking the door.

11. I will humiliate myself to make you laugh when you’re sad.

12. When I discover an incredibly scary video on the Internet or whatnot, I will send it to you just to freak you out.

13. I love you embarrass you.

14. When we laugh, we laugh together. When we cry, we cry together.

15. I can see right through you; I can read your mind; I always know how you feel when I’m in your presence.

16. I will never stop insulting you.

17. I know more about you than you do yourself.

18. Whenever you’re planning a prank, no matter how devious it might be, I want to be a part of it as long as you’re sure you want to go through with it.

19. When we play the Trust game, and you’re falling into my arms, I won’t catch you and I’ll laugh when you topple over onto the ground, but when you fall in real life, I’ll always be there for you.

20. I will always be there for you, no matter how many times I make fun of you.

 

January 21, 2013

When Kids WONT Eat

by mommahasapottymouth

Ahh…. the joys of parenting. When your precious little baby will eat anything you put in her mouth, relish in it. I promise you it will not last! In fact, about the time your angel turns 3, that will change.

I think when a kid is born, they are pre programmed for certain things. For instance, ONLY liking hot dogs and chicken nuggets. Gosh, my house is a nightmare when it comes to eating!! Take last night:

not my kid but this sums it up

I cut up pork and fried it in to little chunks. After I simmered it in some orange sauce. I also made rice to go with. I can not tell you how good it was. (OK I can, AH-MAZ-ING!!) But, AM is way to head strong to want try it. It was a battle untill bed time.

See normally I cook for an army, in the assumption that Matt is not the only on who is going to eat. And EVERY SINGLE night I end up throwing AM’s dinner out. Unless it is hot dogs chicken nuggets or pizza.

 

Frankly, I am fed up of feeding the Seagulls at the god damn dump. They eat better than most freakin dogs!

Last night was the first time I stuck to my guns, and did not make her something else. If she is hungry, she will eat. Right? But, with that in mind, how long does not giving in make sense? This morning I made english muffins and bacon. If given the chance, AM will eat a pound of bacon and nothing else. So, I gave her the muffin first and told her when she finishes that she can have some bacon. Well, I’ll tell you what she did, sneaky little shit:

Tore it in half. Ok, I can deal with that, maybe it was too big to hold or something. Then she sucked ( yes, you read that right. ) the butter out of it. So I am thinking however you go about eating it sweaty, and she picks up both halves and stretches, the food going to the god damn dog! She says ” Aw dang it! Buddy stole my food!!” Now, buddy is no saint, and he is known for doing this. Had I not seen it, the dog would have got an ass beating and she would have gotten bacon!

So there is no way I can be the only parent who is going thru this! Anyone knows what to do??  How long can I tell her no before I break??

January 16, 2013

Guns

by mommahasapottymouth

know your WordPress feed is full of Gun control and the second amendment, but I need to have my fair say.

(I am not going to say much on President Obama. But I will say this; and DO NOT confuse this for anything other than what I am actually saying. Also, please know that I am not really religious, although I do believe in a higher power. )

I while ago ( actually, just before Obama’s first term) I read an entire collection of books called “Left Behind”, and it talked about the Anti-Christ. How he was so smooth and charismatic. And how he can have you believing him with no effort. And then Obama entered our lives. Most of the nation was under his wonderful spell with the hopes of a better tomorrow.

But something had me holding back…. and soon my mind kept going back to the book.

Now, I am not actually calling our President the Anti-Christ. I am just saying that the similarities are quite, astounding.

Lets fast forward to our last Presidential race. Gun control was a hot button issue. Obama is very forward about how he feels and what he wants. I respect that. I, as a law-abiding citizen who is not a felon, do not want to be blind sided by false promises or beating around the bush.

Obama won, and is reinstated into office. That means that whether we agree or disagree, he is still our Commanding Officer. So lets  flash forward again, to about one month ago.

Sandy Hook elementary school. Many lives were lost, and it was an American tragedy. If you didn’t feel any emotion that day, you had no heart. AND then, the conspiracy theorist start. Let me say that I do not buy into that bull shit. NORMALY. But the video, well, now I do not know. I feel like the people who I have grown up believing wouldn’t be capable of a horrific act, well, where not being honest. (HA HA, honesty in D.C., what a joke right?)

But, now I am off topic. I don’t want to get into if it was an act, or if it was a true event.

Today, I sat down to watch the news. I cried. Not because of anything but what has happened to our wonderful country? What happened to the brave that we once where living amongst? Every other word out of Mr. Presidents mouth was “executive decision”. Almost like a threat. (this is what I heard, I am not saying this is actually what he said) ” If my country and my congress members do not like the Gun Control plan I have laid out, well too damn bad. I am President, and what I say goes!”

I did a little research. In another country, they banned guns. They (the people of that country) found other things that where just as deadly as the gun, and used that. (So, if we have a total ban, and people start using pots and pans as weapons, are we eventually going to have a ban on kitchen wear too?) Or in Seattle, we had a gun buy back some 20 years ago. Right after it finished, gun crimes tripled. WTF!

I guess what I am saying is that I feel like there is a bigger picture here that we are missing. Criminals do not follow laws. That is what makes them criminals. Even if we do end up with a total ban, I promise you there will be other ways they will obtain guns other ways. And if the government is successful in the quest, they will implement other weapons. Whats next??? A ban on biological weapons? Oh, right, yes there already is!

To finish this, I think that implementing the Universal Background checks is brilliant. Harsher laws? FUCKIN A! (but why are they not as harsh as they can be?) I also think that maybe a Universal list of potentially dangerous (but otherwise felony free) people, and people who are not in the mind-set to handle or operate a gun would be nice to see implemented. I also think that if you want to buy a gun, ANY gun, you should be required to go thru gun safety classes and prove that you are competent to own one. But taking them away?? Restricting what I can or can not own? Limiting the type of clip I can have?? Lets not!!

Now, if you will excess me, I need to go clean my AR!

(only kidding, I don’t have one yet!)

October 19, 2012

Turmoil

by mommahasapottymouth

I have been MIA for a while now because of home-grown emotional turmoil. I am at a loss at this point. So here is the deal:

We have lived in this house for something like 6 years now. We have had some Very great times, and some even GREATER bad times. To sum it up, we have been thru hell and back, a few times.

Now we are faced with losing our house. That doesnt really make me sad, just the circumstances around the way things went down. I know Matt has done everything that a girl could ask for, so not an ounce of this lies on him as failure to provide. There are others to blame here, but I will not point fingers.

Now, it is raining cats and dogs, starting to get cold and we need to find a new home that will accept our pets and his cars. Can y’all see the fun in that??

Oh and I am not sure if anyone has ever had the DIS-pleasure of living with an in law, but that possibility is looking more and more like the solution. And it’s not that I am not grateful for the help (ha ha) it’s just that I am not looking forward to being a prisoner in someone else home. Locked up tighter than an inmate, being told how to cook and clean, and when and what I can watch on TV (that is in my name btw).  My parents will never come to visit because they dislike the other parent more than I do (if that is even possible) .

If that is not bad, here is what is worse. I know I sound absolutely crazy right now, so please just bear with me. I am pretty sure that some how my phone is tapped. I have had numerous conversations that you would either have to be a part of or listing to know what was said. But, on those occasions word for word of those conversations have been repeated back to me. I have no clue as to how or why, but I know I am not crazy. (OK maybe a little.) And I have no way to prove this, or have a private conversation.

Well gotta go. Hes here.

August 28, 2012

Guest Post: Store Day

by mommahasapottymouth

So far, the only guest that I have wanted to write with me is my brother-in-law. I am planning to keep it that way. If you don’t already know, he is in prison. If you do not have anything nice to say, please skip this post.

This is the main entrance to Clallam Bay Corrections Center

 

Store Day

By: Jeremy H

“If you have never been locked up its doubtful that you understand the significance of Store Day. I don’t even know that I can fully explain it but I will try.

The concept of Store Day is rather simple its the day we inmates get our commissary items. Not a big deal to free people, but quite important to us. Its like pay-day, Christmas, birthday, or panhandling day, depending who you are.

Our entire week revolves around Store Day. Here it begins Sunday when slips have to be turned in. Those that are fortunate enough to have a hob or a loved ones to provide money are able to order whatever goodies are on the store list. Many others can only run up a hygiene debt of generic soap, generic toothpaste, aspirin, paper, small pencils and envelopes.

Thus begins the long wait until Wednesday when Store arrives. This is a time of expectation and looking forward to something. There are few things in prison to look forward to and almost nothing beats Store Day. Off hand, visits are the only thing that come to mind.

Monday or Tuesday is when people tend to run out of things like coffee and soap. It’s a rare week when you don’t hear someone asking for a shot of coffee or a bar of soap “until Store Day.”‘

Every week we watch the Store cart get rolled to our unit and the anxiety skyrocket. You can feel the tension in the air. It doesn’t matter if you’ve got 1 envelope coming or a $30 sack or food you’re excited.

With the excitement comes the worries. Did the money make it on time? Did they run out of something you need? Did prices go up again and overdraw your order? Did your slop somehow get lost?

The wait continues minute by minute as each order is counted and checked for accuracy. The stress builds as you see the far left (Red) pod start to go out one by one to pick up their Store. The pod order is supposed to rotate week to week, Red-Brown-Green with each getting their chance at being the first pod. Funny thing is on Store Day, they ALWAYS start with Red pod.

Some people pace their cell waiting to be called. Most people (and I am one of them) wait at their cell door looking out and try to will the process to go faster. It reminds me of getting up at 3am on Christmas morning and staring back and forth from the presents to the clock wondering when Mom and Dad will get up. One by one people com back from the Store cart. Some are happy but inevitably there are those whose money didn’t make it on time, or worse, unfortunate enough to have ordered an out of stock item.

Next comes the repayment of thing borrowed, or debts incurred. Almost everyone has to make a move of some sort. Then there are the people with nothing looking for a handout. Already deals are being made for next Store Day and the excitement begins to build once again.

Next Store Day I’ll get…”

August 27, 2012

Oh So Much To Tell!!!

by mommahasapottymouth

So much to update, where the hell do I begin?? I have a justifiable reason for not blogging as often as I was. It was hot. Real hot. OK, not good enough? Fine. I was spending time with my kids. Still not good enough?? OK here is the real truth. My internet was slow and I was lazy. Those days my friend are gone. I am once again back.

this sums it up. got it and all pictures from bing!

First of all, my garden is my little patch of magic. I don’t think there is any other way to explain the way I feel about it. I started it with the intention of showing my daughter the changes from seed to seedling to plant to food or flower. Now, though it is just my sanctuary. Any one who sees it comments on how well it looks. And my petunias are something to see. Tomorrow I will take pictures for all to see and feel the awe that I feel every morning I walk thru it. It truly is amazing!

this is not what i have gathered from my garden, but it is how i feel its coming along!!

Next, my son, the little boy who holds my heart, has had some life changing mile stones happen since we last met. He is walking. He is drinkin moo-juice. He is one.

First Birthday Cake!!!

I will not lie and tell you that I am not sad about this. He is all I have asked for since I learned that I could bear children. While I do have AM, her daddy holds her heart. And since son and daddy’s birthdays are a week apart, this year I had a blow out party. It was huge. So big that I had several panic attacks leading up to my first glass of “Mommas Party Punch”. But, at the end of the day, I achieved the feeling I was looking for. I wanted Matt to know how special he is to me. I wanted my friends and family to be there to celebrate this time. I wanted magical. (There is that word again, I think it has to do with the 3 whipped vodka and Pepsi’s I have had tonight.) I set up Gazebos, put up white lights and decorated the shit out of my yard. I boiled 6 racks of ribs, and Matt bbq’d them to utter perfection. The beer was flowing and so was the good times. The only hitch was one person (who will go UN-named) took a few too many vodka shots and threatened my best friends husband and brother-in-law. It’s safe to say that Momma don’t put up with that shit.

And finally, I have been decluttering my house like Jesus him self-will come down to inspect. I even got the cupboards above the fridge. I used to have an empty fish tank sitting by my front door that over time became a “catch-all” if you will. It held everything from miscellaneous cords to fishing poles to toys that have been confiscated. Yes, it is gone. My daughter and son are down to a toy box each. My daughter sleeps in her CLEAN room. I am making real progress here. Y’all should be super proud of this momma.

 

So, again, to all you faithful readers, I am sorry that I have been MIA for quite some time. But it is safe to say that I am back-again. For now any way.

And tomorrow, please read about Matt’s injury and give me some advise as how to handle this!!

August 27, 2012

Guest Post: Indian Story

by mommahasapottymouth

This is a guest post from my brother-in-law, Jeremy, who is currently in prison. As I have stated before, if you are not comfortable reading something that an inmate has written, please either pass this story by or, if you must, unfollow me. This man is paying his time, and in all honesty, I find him to be a creative genius. Please enjoy!


this is the scanned copy of what we received in the mail. I hope you enjoy as much as I do!

 

I am going to be adding more now. I just don’t have the hard copy any more. If you can read this, please take the time to do so!!

July 30, 2012

Guest Posts

by mommahasapottymouth

I would like to take the time to introduce the only person I would even think about letting do a guest post for me.  His name is Jeremy, but in my house we call him Fred.

Before I go any further with this, I want to make something VERY clear. I will not tolerate any one bad mouthing or saying anything hurtful about Jeremy’s situation. If you do not like what you have to hear after please just either don’t read or unfollow me. Easy pease.

 

Jeremy is my brother-in-law. He is the oldest of his siblings and has one daughter. He is one of the most creative writers I have ever had the pleasure of reading. He is always straight forward and never says anything but what he means. He is also serving in a state penitently.

 

This is where the don’t judge part comes in. He is a part of my family and I love him just the same as the rest of my in laws. (sometimes maybe a touch more, just kidding) He is paying the price for what he did. Again if you don’t want to read what he has to say, then please don’t. I will not approve of ANY mean or negative comments.

 

The first post will be up today.

July 23, 2012

Its A Mommas World, The Rest Of You Just Live Here

by mommahasapottymouth

Its true. If you are not a Momma, you just exist. I don’t mean that to be rude, but Jeez, look around you! Oh, you need examples do ya? Well, turn on the damn boob tube!

It makes me sick to think that fathers get no attention. The dads that are there every day get no special slogans or media attention. They get no outstanding thanks. Because in society, only mommas can love and nurture their young. BULL SHIT!!

Yeah right!

Today I can not tell you all the commercials and ads for the mommas out there. But I can tell you how many I seen for daddy. One, and it wasn’t even remarkable, so I can not tell you what it was for. Lets break down the ones that I do know of, and y’all can add to them if I miss any:

Jiff Peanut butter: “Because choosy moms chose Jiff!”

Yep I just found this stupid sign! click for credit

To Their Moms, They Will Always Be Kids (P&G)

The new Motts Commercial

The Kleenex one aboutGetmommed.com”

Kid Tested, Mother Approved Kix Cereal.

 

That is all I can think of right now. But I do know there is more. Its sick and sad.

After I talked to Matt about writing this post, he did point out that I only notice the momma commercials because I am a momma. He has noticed a few daddy ones and thought it would be nice to include them too. So here is what he remembers:

A Jiff commercial about “Choosy Dads chose Jiff” (I can tell you I do not recall this)

The commercial about the little girl who is going driving and the dad is giving her a talk and suddenly she turns into a big girl. ( again I recall it but it must not have been that great if I can not for the life of me remember what they where advertising for)

Cheerios did one about a kid and his dad. (no recelation)

And finally the Huggies commercial where every time the dad opens his sons diaper the kid starts fire hosing the place. (this one I do remember, and I loved it)

 

I realize looking at my list that they seem relatively even, but they are not. I just can not think right now to get a good amount of examples for the mom side. I think y’all can help!! But what I would really like to know is does it matter to you? If you are a parent, do you care whether advertising companies give more air time to one parent rather than the other? Does it change how you purchase or what you purchase?? I know when I am shopping, it’s what I need and how much it’s going to cost me that matters the most. ( Some things though I do not care what the cost is, if they are tried and true that is all that matters to me) Commercials and ads do not really matter to me as much as prices and quality.

 

 

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