Guns

know your WordPress feed is full of Gun control and the second amendment, but I need to have my fair say.

(I am not going to say much on President Obama. But I will say this; and DO NOT confuse this for anything other than what I am actually saying. Also, please know that I am not really religious, although I do believe in a higher power. )

I while ago ( actually, just before Obama’s first term) I read an entire collection of books called “Left Behind”, and it talked about the Anti-Christ. How he was so smooth and charismatic. And how he can have you believing him with no effort. And then Obama entered our lives. Most of the nation was under his wonderful spell with the hopes of a better tomorrow.

But something had me holding back…. and soon my mind kept going back to the book.

Now, I am not actually calling our President the Anti-Christ. I am just saying that the similarities are quite, astounding.

Lets fast forward to our last Presidential race. Gun control was a hot button issue. Obama is very forward about how he feels and what he wants. I respect that. I, as a law-abiding citizen who is not a felon, do not want to be blind sided by false promises or beating around the bush.

Obama won, and is reinstated into office. That means that whether we agree or disagree, he is still our Commanding Officer. So lets  flash forward again, to about one month ago.

Sandy Hook elementary school. Many lives were lost, and it was an American tragedy. If you didn’t feel any emotion that day, you had no heart. AND then, the conspiracy theorist start. Let me say that I do not buy into that bull shit. NORMALY. But the video, well, now I do not know. I feel like the people who I have grown up believing wouldn’t be capable of a horrific act, well, where not being honest. (HA HA, honesty in D.C., what a joke right?)

But, now I am off topic. I don’t want to get into if it was an act, or if it was a true event.

Today, I sat down to watch the news. I cried. Not because of anything but what has happened to our wonderful country? What happened to the brave that we once where living amongst? Every other word out of Mr. Presidents mouth was “executive decision”. Almost like a threat. (this is what I heard, I am not saying this is actually what he said) ” If my country and my congress members do not like the Gun Control plan I have laid out, well too damn bad. I am President, and what I say goes!”

I did a little research. In another country, they banned guns. They (the people of that country) found other things that where just as deadly as the gun, and used that. (So, if we have a total ban, and people start using pots and pans as weapons, are we eventually going to have a ban on kitchen wear too?) Or in Seattle, we had a gun buy back some 20 years ago. Right after it finished, gun crimes tripled. WTF!

I guess what I am saying is that I feel like there is a bigger picture here that we are missing. Criminals do not follow laws. That is what makes them criminals. Even if we do end up with a total ban, I promise you there will be other ways they will obtain guns other ways. And if the government is successful in the quest, they will implement other weapons. Whats next??? A ban on biological weapons? Oh, right, yes there already is!

To finish this, I think that implementing the Universal Background checks is brilliant. Harsher laws? FUCKIN A! (but why are they not as harsh as they can be?) I also think that maybe a Universal list of potentially dangerous (but otherwise felony free) people, and people who are not in the mind-set to handle or operate a gun would be nice to see implemented. I also think that if you want to buy a gun, ANY gun, you should be required to go thru gun safety classes and prove that you are competent to own one. But taking them away?? Restricting what I can or can not own? Limiting the type of clip I can have?? Lets not!!

Now, if you will excess me, I need to go clean my AR!

(only kidding, I don’t have one yet!)

Guest Post: Store Day

So far, the only guest that I have wanted to write with me is my brother-in-law. I am planning to keep it that way. If you don’t already know, he is in prison. If you do not have anything nice to say, please skip this post.

This is the main entrance to Clallam Bay Corrections Center

 

Store Day

By: Jeremy H

“If you have never been locked up its doubtful that you understand the significance of Store Day. I don’t even know that I can fully explain it but I will try.

The concept of Store Day is rather simple its the day we inmates get our commissary items. Not a big deal to free people, but quite important to us. Its like pay-day, Christmas, birthday, or panhandling day, depending who you are.

Our entire week revolves around Store Day. Here it begins Sunday when slips have to be turned in. Those that are fortunate enough to have a hob or a loved ones to provide money are able to order whatever goodies are on the store list. Many others can only run up a hygiene debt of generic soap, generic toothpaste, aspirin, paper, small pencils and envelopes.

Thus begins the long wait until Wednesday when Store arrives. This is a time of expectation and looking forward to something. There are few things in prison to look forward to and almost nothing beats Store Day. Off hand, visits are the only thing that come to mind.

Monday or Tuesday is when people tend to run out of things like coffee and soap. It’s a rare week when you don’t hear someone asking for a shot of coffee or a bar of soap “until Store Day.”‘

Every week we watch the Store cart get rolled to our unit and the anxiety skyrocket. You can feel the tension in the air. It doesn’t matter if you’ve got 1 envelope coming or a $30 sack or food you’re excited.

With the excitement comes the worries. Did the money make it on time? Did they run out of something you need? Did prices go up again and overdraw your order? Did your slop somehow get lost?

The wait continues minute by minute as each order is counted and checked for accuracy. The stress builds as you see the far left (Red) pod start to go out one by one to pick up their Store. The pod order is supposed to rotate week to week, Red-Brown-Green with each getting their chance at being the first pod. Funny thing is on Store Day, they ALWAYS start with Red pod.

Some people pace their cell waiting to be called. Most people (and I am one of them) wait at their cell door looking out and try to will the process to go faster. It reminds me of getting up at 3am on Christmas morning and staring back and forth from the presents to the clock wondering when Mom and Dad will get up. One by one people com back from the Store cart. Some are happy but inevitably there are those whose money didn’t make it on time, or worse, unfortunate enough to have ordered an out of stock item.

Next comes the repayment of thing borrowed, or debts incurred. Almost everyone has to make a move of some sort. Then there are the people with nothing looking for a handout. Already deals are being made for next Store Day and the excitement begins to build once again.

Next Store Day I’ll get…”

A Letter To My Husband

We may not be legally married, but damn it, we may as well be. I don’t think that he hears positive things coming from me to often, and I think that is sad. I should be telling him how much he means to me on a regular basis, not just holidays and birthdays.

My Love,

                 Gosh! Its been so long since I have written to you, it almost feels strange. I’m sorry for that. Today, I realised that I do not say and show you how much I appreciate you very often. I need to change that.

            If someone where to tell me  almost 8 years ago that we would be here to-day raising 2 beautiful babies, I would have laughed in their face. I didn’t really have you pegged as the “daddy-type.” Imagine how surprised I was after AM came home with us? You have the natural “nurture” instinct in you that makes you so amazing. Both of those babies look at you with such love, sometimes, it leaves me a bit jealous. If anyone can say that they were blessed with a man who left them speechless and fulfilled with love, its me. Just watching you with them makes everything worth it. Thank you for being the daddy I have always hope to have for my babies.

              And us!! Look how far we have come! I will admit that we have had some very dark days, but I think that the happy days out number the dark ones. I know we have made mistakes and can not change the past, but I also think we have made some really great decisions together as well. I can tell you, there is no other man who loves me or ever has loved me the way that you do. We may not be romantic, and most days we don’t have our shit together, but we mesh well. We fit together like a puzzle. I couldn’t ask for anything more, because if you ask me, I have everything I have ever wanted and needed. I am truly blessed, and I have you to thank for that.

        If someone would ask me about the future, there is only one thing that I could bet my last breath on, and its that I will always want and need you. I want to grow old with you. I can see us as that cute old couple walking slow and holding hands. I can see us sitting on the porch drinking iced tea and eating pb&j sandwiches. In the last almost 8 years, I can say that the love I feel for you has only grown stronger. And as we have grown as individuals we have grown together. I know what makes you tick. I also know what food to cook when I must have a peace-offering. I know how you feel about most of the hot topics, and, I know what I have to do if you can’t sleep. I know you, it seems, better than I know myself. I always know how the situation will end, as it begins.

         The only thing I hope for us, is that we continue down the road we are on. I know they say nothing is perfect, and I can almost agree. The bickering, joking and rough housing is what makes this perfect to me. I can not imagine who I would be if you had not entered my life, and stayed by my side when EVERYONE in your corner told you to go. I know I am the most difficult person, and I understand that I am needy. But babe, the only thing I need is what I have.

                                                     With All My Love Always,

Windy

I know its corny and long-winded. But I needed to write that. Even if he will never read this, every word is true.

I love him!

 

As We Grow Up, I think We Grow Apart

My family, I tell ya, has been through shit. I mean that very tenderly too, because most of the time, if I have the problem, they all have the problem. We are dysfunctional and hardly ever see eye to eye. We will always call bull shit, and be the first to point out a flaw. But, the essence of my family is that deep down, we are not just children and parents, or siblings. We are friends. I consider my momma to be one of my very best friends. I will not lie to y’all. Its taken about 21 (give or take) years to perfect it, and we still argue all the time. But, she is the first person I call when I am losing the battle with my lovely daughter, or when I have gossip that MUST be shared. With that said…

 

I am not going to call this person out, that may just be rude, and I am pretty sure my daddy would not approve of that, (I know your reading this and thinking ” oh lord! please get her to shut up before she tells some deep dark family secret” right daddy? Dont worry. ) But, I will say this. I think that it is so sad that someone who shares no blood relations with me or my children knows my children better than someone who does. I needed that person so many times through out my life, and, unless there was something in it for them, they wouldn’t come to my aid. I think they even told me (and I quote) “You’re fucking stupid Marlene. Why would you have a baby?” Same person said the same thing when I had my son. Didnt even bother to visit me after I had them.

I understand that my house is further away then the rest of my close-knit family. But see, the road that I have to take to come visit you also runs right back to my door step. Amazing how things work huh? I can count the number of times I have seen or spoke to them this year. It’s a pretty low number. Lower than 10.

So if you are reading this, and feel like you are the guilty party, I can assure you, you’re right. If you don’t want us in your life because we don’t fit your life style, well that is ok. But, when your gut starts telling you that maybe you need to make amends with me, please, either save your breath and paper, or make it worth my while. I am done waiting for you to decide to be apart of my children’s life.

This is our FUTURE?

 

So, today as I sit back and think about my children’s future, a horrid thought ran across my mind; “My generation is SCREWED!” I can not imagine what will happen to me as I grow old and need help. I can not fathom having to rely on either our government or today’s youth for anything. Honestly, I am quite afraid. So I’ll just get right to addressing the huge elephant in the room now:

 

Have any of you watched the news lately? How many times have you heard about kids bringing guns to school? Or all the bullying? What about all the cuts OUR government wants to make to things like Medicare? Will Social Security be a thing of the past? Retirement age keeps going up,( yes I understand, that goes up with life expectancy, but really??) How many will end up with some sort of “After-High-School” training or education? What about all the meth heads and other druggies? Will they steal my high blood pressure medication or my heart medication? I know I am being silly, but we have to consider these things? What does our future hold?

 

 

 

If you think I am wrong in my feelings about today’s youth, visit this link. It’s a poll taken over a period of a few years, and illustrates my feelings. Although I fit in the 18-29 year old category, I am less than optimistic.

And please, don’t get me started on the outlook for Social Security and Medicare. It’s a joke. I realise that is not our youths fault, but congress. I would rather not blame anyone. But, alas, the blame must fall.

I am also a little worried about the work ethic. I mean, with the number rising of Americans (young and old ) abusing illicit drugs, I can’t imagine that the work ethic is very strong. With that, I would assume, goes the want to succeed and be better.

So my question, who is going to man the rest home or hospice I happen to land in if fewer people are being trained to do so? Who is going to foot the bill (because I most definitely will not have all kinds of money saved) when some fool with no desire to care for me grudgingly takes me in out of pitty?

 

I Believe, I do NOT Believe

We live in a society that holds onto some magical theory. I buy in to some of it, but other stuff just feels like crap. And my momma always says “If it quacks like a chicken and looks like a chicken, than honey it MUST be a chicken.” I believe my momma.

So, here are my beliefs and the things I find to be total S*IT:

I believe in love….

but… I do NOT believe everyone has a soul mate and that they will find him/her.

I believe in marriage…

but… I do not believe in marriage for the sake of a child.

I believe in “Pro-Choice”

but… I do not believe that I could do it my self.

I believe in always saying good bye at the end of a phone call…

but…. I do not believe you shouldn’t go to bed mad (OK this one I should explain: you should be able to go to bed mad if you really truly are. But after you have had time to sleep on it I do believe its time to work the problem out- plus, jeez, don’t tell me how I should feel)

I believe in rules and punishment for children…

but I don’t believe that you can punish them one time for one thing and the next day not punish for the exact same thing.

I believe in the past…

but… I don’t believe I should have to talk about it or relive it.

I believe if you break the rules, you MUST pay the consequences. ALWAYS.

but… well there is no but for that one.

I also believe in late night cuddles,

I believe in bedtime stories,

I believe in breaking dishes when I’m mad,

I believe sometimes there is no four-letter word to describe how mad I am.

I believe in crying, sometimes with ice cream and cookies.

One last thing. This might piss some of you off but I will explain:

I believe in faith…

BUT… I do not know if I believe in God.  Here is why.

No all loving being would dole out the things my family (both mine and my DH). No God (IMO) would give humans something so powerful as addiction and make it so hard (sometimes imposable) to over come. Please save the God only gives out what we can handle. That is a line of shit and Im sorry if that makes people mad. My mother in law lost her mom last August, and in February she was diagnosed with the SAME damn disease that took her momma. She hadn’t even stopped grieving for her yet. My own momma lost both of her parents with in 5 months of each other. My Oma (my daddy’s mom) had to bury her son. So tell me what all loving being, would do this? Why would he continue to inflict suffering on people? And if you plan to tell me to re pay our sins, you can save your breath. I don’t buy it.