Archive for ‘pets’

September 3, 2012

Easy Now… Easy

by mommahasapottymouth

Wow. A lot of strange things have happened yesterday. More specifically, last night. And today, I have this uneasy feeling in my gut.

After the kids went to sleep last night (and almost every other night that it has been warm) I sat on the porch and read. I had the little dog with me on his leash and Natas was laying by my feet.  In the midst of reading a really good part of the book, heard a VERY loud noise. I thought it was a dog barking in my drive way. I tossed the cats in the house, along with Natas, and sat to listen. It was so loud!!! It soon became apparent that it was something in the bird family. RIGHT above my porch about 25 feet up. I could not see it, so I was beginning to wonder if I was hearing things. My neighbors from across the street came out and I asked if I was hearing things. I think my exact words where “Please tell me I am not hearing things and you hear that too.” Yes, they did. Above the TV and washer. Like I said, REAL LOUD.

They tried to spot it with a flash light with no luck. So I asked what it was. He said Owl. “But that aint no Owl I ever heard before.” Way to make me feel better guy.

Now I don’t know if I am remembering what I want to, but I could swear that hearing an Owl was a bad omen. Great just what I need.

If I where to see this from the trees, I promise you I would pee on my self

After it stopped hooting, I came back out to smoke before bed. I always take buddy ( he thinks he is a pit bull-rot-shepard but the truth is my son weighs more and my daughter scares me more) when I go sit on the porch, because he barks. I was reading and a little in to the book when his ears perked up. Then he stands up and lunges at the stairs. Yep, I tossed my lit cigarette on to the dry porch steps and hauled ass inside.

So now today I am left with that gut wrenching anxiety. The kind where you just know something bad is going to happen.

June 30, 2012

Fleas and Ticks and Mosquitos, OH MY!

by mommahasapottymouth

The weather is getting warmer everywhere and that means our fur babies are getting bugs, and I think this year is going to be bad.

I had never seen a tick before this year, and let me tell you they are ugly little fuckers!

know the difference!

We have dealt with fleas since we have had Buddy. It seems to me that dogs with lighter longer hair are more appetizing to fleas then those with darker shorter hair. I could be wrong though. And believe me, after you have them, its like pulling teeth trying to get rid of them!!

I myself have  tried everything! From bombs to the vacuuming to do-it-your-self. On my pets, I have found Revolution Drops seem to work for all of my dogs. Nothing I have found works well with my cats, so I am still searching. And, along with that, I am looking for something for that damn rabbit as well.

I have been doing a lot of research on this topic in the last week now, starting at night and stopping at bed time. I have come across a lot of very good information. I am including links to all the sites I found “visit worthy” and I encourage you to check them out.

The main reason I wanted to share this with y’all is because if any of you are like me, your pets are part of your family. Since April or so, I have pulled off at least 100 ticks off my girl Sissy. Once a vivacious dog, and well on the fat side, is now tired and skinny. I know it is because she is litterly being eaten alive. I am doing everything in my power to bring her back up to top-notch health. So I thought Id share with you what her Vet told me.

To remove a tick you will need sharp-pointed tweezers, a shallow dish or cup, rubbing alcohol and an antibiotic ointment (think Neosporin)

1. Get as close to the skin as possible and grab the tick by the head, gently pulling up and away from the dog.

2. If you do not get the head (and trust me, sometimes, it happens) leave it ALONE!! Do not pick at it or try to get it out. This may cause infection. After it dries up, it will surface like a pimple and be able to be removed.

3. Put Tick in to cup or dish and cover with rubbing alcohol. Do not flush or pop. Flushing will not kill it, and could come back up the pipes. Popping or squeezing it could cause your to come in contact with several diseases. Drowning it is the only way to safely destroy it.

4. Dab a bit of the antibiotic ointment on the site of the tick and leave alone!

He also told me that you should never hold a hot match up to the ticks ass, as this could cause it to burrow deeper, making removal harder. (Not to mention cause possible burns, I would think). The same can be said with covering it with petroleum Jelly, so don’t do it!! Check out the link below from the ASPCA on this!

As for fleas, just because you kill off the ones off the pets does not mean your problem ends there. There is an entire cycle you have to go thru before they are all gone.


A few years back we had a bad flea infestation. Matt bought borax and sprinkled it on the carpets and swept it in. We waited to vacuum for a few days, and repeated the process. Borax acts as a dehydrate for fleas. It dry them out. We did this every other day, for what seemed like a few months.

I have read though that you can do this once every 2 weeks for a few months to rid your home of fleas. Here is a picture of the flea life cycle, and a better way to understand how hard it is to kill the bastards.

I have also heard other remedies that help control fleas. I have tried Brewers Yeast, and while my dogs love love love it, the only difference that I noticed is that their coats become more oily. I have heard about adding garlic to their diets, but my dogs will not go near anything that smell like garlic. I have also heard really good things about Diotamaceous Earth. While I have not tried it, I have done my research on it. I know there are two different kinds of it, and the one you have to use on pets must be food grade. It is like the Borax as far as I can tell, and dries them out. If anyone has tried this method I would be interested in finding out how well it worked and what you did.


The bottom line is that this year is supposed to be hotter than normal. With that means our pets are at a higher risk of fleas and ticks (and Mosquito’s) and we as pet owners must do what we can to protect them. I encourage you to look into the matter and take a course of action that you feel is best for you and your family. .


Mosquitos carry heart worm disease

Fleas can lead to tapeworms

Ticks can transmit diseases like Lyme and Rockie Mountain Spotted Fever to humans

One flea can lay up to 50 eggs a day

Ticks feed for 24 to 48 hours

Ticks lay 100 eggs at a time

Fleas consume 15 times their body weight in blood





June 13, 2012

I Think This Means WAR!

by mommahasapottymouth

If you are the animal lover that is against hunting and all that CRAP, please just skip this post.

I am going on a damn rampage tonight. Here is why:

We moved into this house almost 7 years ago. At first, we had no “noxious animal” problem. Then, the herd came. Out of the god damn wood work (and I mean that in all ways, I live on top of a small mountain) came swarms of raccoons. Awww…

click for image credit

At first, they where so cute. It was sweet to watch them (especially the families) come to the yard and scavenge for food. My neighbor bitch thinks it’s a good idea to feed them. So the natural sense to flee when humans are near has vanished. It got so bad, I had to start to bringing the day old bread home from work, just so I could get out of the car and haul ass to the door. I swear that they could hear my car 10 miles down the road and say to all their distant relatives to “come on over to the house, she wont get out of the car without food!”

click for image credit

One time my niece NS and my sister Missy, where out side and the little vermin started charging (I so wish I was making this shit up) them for their chips. Another time, (the LAST straw) Matt was out-of-town for the night and I went out to smoke. One little guy was on the porch. He started getting closer and closer. Instinct said to grab the nearest thing (a Tiki torch, unlit) and protect one’s self. Ha ha. He took one look at me and (again, not making this up) REACHED UP AND TOOK THE DAMN TORCH!! After that, I smoked in the bathroom out the window when Matt was not home.

I wont go into how they stopped coming around. That may hurt someones feelings on here. But, for the last three years, I can count on one hand how many have been back, and have fingers to spare.


Well, for the last 2 nights I have been trapped in my home, by Grandfather River. The little bastard knocked over my dog food bin, (50 lbs) and ate it right out my window. My poor dogs had to witness this horrible crime. Well, last night I figured that I could scare him off by opening the front door and locking the screen door, with my dogs standing at the door. The fucker walked up, stood on his hind legs, swatted at the door and hissed at my dogs.

OK. I figured that there had to be a way to get him off the porch. I grabbed the BB gun and opened the bathroom window, and blindly started firing at the son of a bitch. I didn’t even come close.

But the worst part is today. Me and the kids spent a good part of the day outside. I kept hearing the bushes on the Green Belt on the back of the property. I at first thought it was a bird or a cat. No biggie. But, I was so wrong. It kept stalking back and forth all day. Finally it caught AM’s attention, and I had enough. I grabbed a rock and tossed it. PSH! Nothing. I kept at it. Finally I spotted a foot, and as soon as I looked away for my next rock, I lost the damn thing!! I finally gave up and warned the neighbor to be careful walking her old dog (poor guy wouldn’t know he was near a coon ’til he was on top of one) and went home.

Right after Matt leaves for work, I hear a crash outside and I’ll be damned. HE IS BACK EATING THE DOG FOOD!! Taking his sweet ass time too. Sneaky little fucker.



It turns out I think I would look great in a coonskin hat

May 24, 2012

The Top WORST Ways To Wake Momma

by mommahasapottymouth

I like my sleep, it comes in sporadic bursts. I have insomnia and most nights I can not for the life of me sleep. When I do finally get to fall into that sweet slumber, god help the little one who chooses to interrupt it. I’ll give you MY top list for being woke up. Add to it, or share it. The more people who know, the safer they will ultimately be.

This is what I want to be doing


  • The phone. Seriously. I hate when anyone calls me when nature (the sleeping kind) calls. And I don’t care that most people are awake at 7am. Most people are also asleep before 2am.
  • Being poked, pushed or tickled. I don’t even like to cuddle when I am sleeping. Please don’t touch me until I am fully awake.
  • A cold nose. My big dogs don’t normally come in my room. But when they manage to sneak in, I seem to be their target. Why?

  • “Momma! Momma! Momma!” Followed quickly by “Are you awake?” No you little turd, I am not. But now that I am, what the hell do you need??
  • A cat rubbing against me. Claws and all. Again, the cats don’t go in my room often, but the little assholes can get in thru a small opening at the bottom of my door if I do not put a freaking pillow in front of it. I hate cat hair.
  • A bed full of dog food. Or cat food. My daughter is obsessed with this shit, and can open the door so quietly you’d swear she is a ninja. I’m not sure what the attraction is, but it is defiantly there. And in my bed.
  • To Mickey Mouse at top volume. I like the mouse, but at 5:30am, I hate him. That goes for anything on TV.

And the number one top way not to wake me up is:

  • TO THROW JUICE ON MY FACE! OK, really it could be anything cold and wet. Just, if you plan to have a decent day and a happy momma, for the love of all that is good, DON’T DO IT!!

You are asking your self what prompted this post? Besides the obvious, (that every one can benefit from knowing this) this is what happened to me this morning. Starting at 2:45am. In that order. Thats what.

April 29, 2012

Outta the mouth of babes

by mommahasapottymouth

My daughter has *cough cough* learned 95 of her adult sized vocabulary from yours truly. A round of applause please? No? OK  I get it. She, too, sometimes has a potty mouth. If you missed that post, please refer to Censoring.

Sometimes though, she does not use curse words. Sometimes shes just funny as hell. Here are a few examples:


“Momma, I got meat ball poops!” She was still in a diaper and severely constipated. It indeed looked like giant meat balls.

“No Momma! I didn’t just let Figaro out side! I think Sissy done it.” Figaro is my (her) pint size cat who does not go out side. And in case you are wondering, My Golden Reteiver (with her bad hips and bitchy attitude) does not have  thumbs to open my front door.

” Oh I don’t know where Figaro is, I think he must be sleeping in the bottom dwar of the fridge. I think he was hot.” Yep. He was in the fridge right where she said he was. I’m not convinced that he was hot and went in for a cool down. Poor kitty.

“Momma this hot coco is going to make bubba so beautiful.” She says this as I walk into the house. The coco had cooled and she has a tooth brush and “painting” him with cold coco.

“I’m not eating this dinner! This is bedickulas! I only eat hot dogs and chicken nuggets.” Don’t judge me. That is another story we will for sure get to.

“Well if you don’t let me, my daddy is going to put you in time out old lady.” I’m really only 25.

” Oh my em gee. I need to call my grandma.”

“Momma, you should post this on Facebook.”

“Oh my gosh momma! You stink like daddy!” What did she really expect?


There are more, and from time to time Ill share them with y’all


April 28, 2012

I am in love with Dr. Doolittle

by mommahasapottymouth

No silly. Not the character. The real life, human version. Oh sounds like fun, you say? You are funny.

The story for my (he has done this all his life you see) begins with Buddy. The cutest little puppy EVER! I wanted a puppy for a year  (  I also wanted a pig) and on our second Christmas, I walked in after work and his shirt was wiggling all over. Out popped his little head and I was instantly in love. I still have him, and now he’s not so sweet. He hates EVERYONE except me and has a sever case of “grumpy old man” syndrome. But he was my first baby.

Next to enter our life was Diesel. We found him at a work site and he was the friendliest little kitty. One night we had to stay the night out there in the pouring rain and up he jumped into the excavator smelling like diesel. Shortly after he came home with us. About three years ago he disappeared. I miss that guy. I also miss his ability to kill spiders and mice. I think I miss that the most.

Next came Sissy and Natas. One Yellow Lab and one Golden Retriever. He “found” ( I am using that word very loosely) them on his way home from work in the middle of the night. Conveniently, they where (in his “please believe me because I already love them” voice) “Right there in the middle of the road. Babe there aren’t even any street lights on that road! They could have DIED!” Yes it is true. He is nothing if not convincing. Sissy was your every day run of the mill puppy. Sweet and playful and did I mention cute as shit? Well she was! Natas though. Ugh…

This dog is the most loving dog ever. I am saying IS, as in, presently. Her name is SATAN backwards, if that tells you anything. Three days after having her she started having seizures, daily for the next year. I’m not going to lie, I wanted to put her to sleep after the first month of cleaning up her shit and laying on top of her so she wouldn’t bit anyone or hurt her self. It was so tiring. But NOOOO! Dr. Doolittle saved the day. It caused many arguments in my house. We where both being selfish. I was sick of having to take care of the mess alone, and he was in love with the bitch. Well, a year after the seizures stopped, I can say I am honestly glad I didn’t. She is my girl and when the day comes that she does leave me, my heart will be forever broke.

Next comes two stray Cats, Frank and ED. I named them. One day they showed up, he fed them and now they sleep inside my house on my couch.

Next is Figaro and Pete. Both kittens he “rescued from certain death” (again his words, maybe a little dramatic) from his work at the mill. I couldn’t turn them away because he used my daughter against me. Bastard! Figaro looks just like Mini Mouse’s cat, and puts up with FAR too much. Pete is naughty and my boy. He just wants lovins but can’t help getting into trouble

Finally, we have Thumper. You guessed it. A god damn rabbit. Not just any ol rabbit. An EVIL rabbit. I swear to god that this has it out for me. It was the same story (Side of the road… would have died…I already love him..) only this time I was mad. No scratch that. I was PISSED OFF. I mean child hood trauma never really goes away, does it? ( another story entirely) He’s a sneaky little shit too. Did I mention that he lives I N S I D E my house, in my kitchen. I hate him. One night, I figured ” What the hell? The kids are asleep. I should just face my fears and make nice with the little bunny.” Shoot.

As soon as I opened that cage door, he hesitantly came to it. I sat down with the carrot in my hand, gently talking to him. “Its OK. I didn’t mean it when I said I wanted to skin you and make you into Sunday supper.” Well I guess he didn’t believe me because the little fucker flew outta that cage with his talons out and into my lap. I swear never before have I moved so damn fast. That was the last straw. We now have an understanding: I will feed him and clean his shit up if he in turn stays the hell away from me. So far so good.

I forgot to mention that when we meet he had three dogs already. I also left out the stinky turtle who lived in my bathroom and the many fish we’ve had. He says that if we ever get to buy property he wants horses and live stock. All I know is that I can not handle chickens. Birds. Ugh.

Can you see why my night in shining armor is really just Dr. Doolittle in disguise? I know he is a good man and has a good heart, and I know that things could be way worse.

I just pray we never get that property!

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