Posts tagged ‘ugly’

June 13, 2012

I Think This Means WAR!

by mommahasapottymouth

If you are the animal lover that is against hunting and all that CRAP, please just skip this post.

I am going on a damn rampage tonight. Here is why:

We moved into this house almost 7 years ago. At first, we had no “noxious animal” problem. Then, the herd came. Out of the god damn wood work (and I mean that in all ways, I live on top of a small mountain) came swarms of raccoons. Awww…

click for image credit

At first, they where so cute. It was sweet to watch them (especially the families) come to the yard and scavenge for food. My neighbor bitch thinks it’s a good idea to feed them. So the natural sense to flee when humans are near has vanished. It got so bad, I had to start to bringing the day old bread home from work, just so I could get out of the car and haul ass to the door. I swear that they could hear my car 10 miles down the road and say to all their distant relatives to “come on over to the house, she wont get out of the car without food!”

click for image credit

One time my niece NS and my sister Missy, where out side and the little vermin started charging (I so wish I was making this shit up) them for their chips. Another time, (the LAST straw) Matt was out-of-town for the night and I went out to smoke. One little guy was on the porch. He started getting closer and closer. Instinct said to grab the nearest thing (a Tiki torch, unlit) and protect one’s self. Ha ha. He took one look at me and (again, not making this up) REACHED UP AND TOOK THE DAMN TORCH!! After that, I smoked in the bathroom out the window when Matt was not home.

I wont go into how they stopped coming around. That may hurt someones feelings on here. But, for the last three years, I can count on one hand how many have been back, and have fingers to spare.

 

Well, for the last 2 nights I have been trapped in my home, by Grandfather River. The little bastard knocked over my dog food bin, (50 lbs) and ate it right out my window. My poor dogs had to witness this horrible crime. Well, last night I figured that I could scare him off by opening the front door and locking the screen door, with my dogs standing at the door. The fucker walked up, stood on his hind legs, swatted at the door and hissed at my dogs.

OK. I figured that there had to be a way to get him off the porch. I grabbed the BB gun and opened the bathroom window, and blindly started firing at the son of a bitch. I didn’t even come close.

But the worst part is today. Me and the kids spent a good part of the day outside. I kept hearing the bushes on the Green Belt on the back of the property. I at first thought it was a bird or a cat. No biggie. But, I was so wrong. It kept stalking back and forth all day. Finally it caught AM’s attention, and I had enough. I grabbed a rock and tossed it. PSH! Nothing. I kept at it. Finally I spotted a foot, and as soon as I looked away for my next rock, I lost the damn thing!! I finally gave up and warned the neighbor to be careful walking her old dog (poor guy wouldn’t know he was near a coon ’til he was on top of one) and went home.

Right after Matt leaves for work, I hear a crash outside and I’ll be damned. HE IS BACK EATING THE DOG FOOD!! Taking his sweet ass time too. Sneaky little fucker.

HE HAS TO GO!!

 

It turns out I think I would look great in a coonskin hat

June 13, 2012

There Is No Going Back From Here

by mommahasapottymouth

So I have made some fucked up decisions in my life time. I’ve hurt some really good people. I have also been hurt a time or two over the years. I think that is kinda what started my down hill spiral. Now is not the time to go into who did what to me, or how they did it, but I do need to get somethings off my chest before I explode.

Today, I had to learn from Facebook (of all the god damn places) that my ONLY sister graduated from high school. I am devastated. I knew it was comin, I just figured that we could set aside our differences for one night and I could be there to witness the good deed she accomplished. No such luck. I also knew that wouldn’t happen. I wont get into the terrible details, but I will tell you it started with her boyfriend. (I have no idea if they are still together) I make quilts, and me and all the kids in the family got fabric together to make for our grandma. All significant others (married or otherwise) were to be left off. Well, that just wouldn’t fly. She got so mad. Whatever. We got over it and kind of moved on. Then we hit our final bump. It was huge. When I was pregnant with JR, I was told that there was a chance that he could have Downs Syndrome. I was devastated. I ended up in the hospital that same night with kidney problems. The very first person I went to was my sister. She shot right back that I was a liar and ignorant. That I must be stupid because everyone knows that you can not see the baby’s brain in an ultrasound. I couldn’t believe she was saying those things. She didn’t even visit me in the hospital. I havent heard from her after she told me I was dead to her. I did tell her that I would always be here when she came down off her high horse.

You see, her and I have always had a rocky relationship. But I have always loved her. I was seven when she was born, and I admit I was a little jealous. I had always been the only girl. (I think at this point I need to let everyone who doesn’t know, she is my half-sister. My biological father remarried my step mom and had a baby with her. Not my daddy. ) Then, it kind of turned into a competition between us. My step mom hated me (and still does) so she went out of her way to make Missy the perfect little girl. I remember seeing my parents pick her Binky up after it fell on the floor and clean it off with their mouth (yuck!) and I tried to do the same thing and was scolded for it big time.

I eventually ran away from my mommas house when I was 14, (for a stupid low life boy my daddy hated, for good reason) and moved in with my father and his family. All was good for about 6 weeks. Then shit started to crumble. Big time, and soon after, both parents where at the bar every single night until closing. I had to take care of my sister and little brother. And she hated me for it. One time, I called my momma crying and Missy just wouldn’t leave shit alone. She was screaming in my face. I walked up the stairs to my room, talking to my momma to calm down. Missy ripped the phone cord out of the wall. Then she came up and started taunting me. I pushed her down the stairs by her face. The sad thing is, I didn’t feel any thing when I did that. Another time, she came into my room and started throwing things at me, shoes, movies what ever she could get her hands on.

Our relationship started to get better when I found out I was pregnant with AM. She became my best friend. She walked the mall with me, went to eat and talked to me every day several times. It was everything I had wanted for us. After my daughter was born, she sat right by me and watched them sitch me up. She loved my daughter.

After a while, things started to change. She started calling less, and coming to see her god-daughter less. I knew it had everything to do with me living an hour and a half away and that she had a boyfriend at her house. I understood.

One day, she started flipping out on me. Told me she hated me for calling CPS on our father. PSH! I had not even thought to ever do that, and if I had, it would have been done when I was still living with them. Soon after, was christmas and everything after that. I have yet to hear her voice in over a year.

click picture for photo credit

I apologize for the long-winded post. I just want y’all to know. If you have siblings, don’t ever take them for granted. Tell them you love them all the time. Never say good-bye on bad terms. Always work it out. My momma always told me “From cradle to grave, always love your brother (or sister) because he’s the only one you’ll ever have.” I never realized how true that was until this. And when you get to where I am, there is no turning back. Just remember that.

May 31, 2012

Please Help Me Find A Solution!!

by mommahasapottymouth

OK, I am in desperate need of some help here. I have an ant problem. Sugar ants to be exact. And with all the information out there, I am a little overwhelmed.

 

I put out 4 small little ant bait things, supposed to kill in 24 hours. Yeah freakin right. Mind you, these 4 little trap things were placed about 8 feet apart. 2 on each end.

save your self the money and DON’T buy these!

 

My daughter is convinced they are spiders, and has been having little panic attacks every night before bed and every morning when she wakes up. I can no longer take it. I am willing to do anything to rid myself of these things!!

 

If you have ever had this problem, I am BEGGING you to lend me your advise. If you are going to comment with something mean, please save your self the time and just don’t comment at all!!

 

PLEASE HELP!!

May 24, 2012

Best Movie Quotes….Ever Pt. 2

by mommahasapottymouth

Last night, while tossing and turning, it occurred to me that I left out some really awesome quotes from some brilliant movies. So here goes round two!

From “Scarface

  • “I’m Tony Montana! You fuck with me, you fuckin’ with the best!”
  • ” Say hello to my little friend!”
  • “I never fucked anybody over in my life didn’t have it coming to them. You got that? All I have in this world is my balls and my word and I don’t break them for no one.”

 

From “Diary Of A Mad Black Woman

  • “Well, peace always comes with still…” [takes out gun] “’cause I keeps me a piece o’ steel.”
  • “Every time I try to read the Bible… and Jesus… the one with all the words in red… I open my Bible to that New Testimony and see all that red and I just give up. Jesus was talkin’ way too much.”
  • “I’m not bitter. I’m mad as hell.”
  • “I aint scared a no po po. Call da po po hoe… Call da po po hoe.”

 

From”Talladega Nights”

  • “Susan, I’ve never heard you talk like that… Are we about to get it on? Because I’m as hard as a diamond in an ice storm right now.”
  • “Shake and bake”
  • “Shut up, Chip, or I’ll go ape-shit on your ass!”
  • “Chip, I’m gonna come at you like a spider monkey!”
  • “Chip, I’m all jacked up on Mountain Dew!”
  • “Dear Lord baby Jesus, lyin’ there in your ghost manger, just lookin’ at your Baby Einstein developmental videos, learnin’ ’bout shapes and colors. I would like to thank you for bringin’ me and my mama together, and also that my kids no longer sound like retarded gang-bangers.”
  • “If you ain’t first, you’re last.”

 

There, I think I am done! If y’all have any that I left out, let me know. Ill be adding a part 3 some day, so look for it.

 

( not all of these on this or the first post came from my head. A lot came from here, I just remembered that I loved the movie and looked up the exact words. So I didn’t sound silly adding or leaving out words.)

May 14, 2012

Cases of the Screamin I WANTS!

by mommahasapottymouth

None of us is above wanting things. Its human nature, and it can not be reversed. We do however, have control over the things we indulge in and the times we make others happy by giving them what they want.

For example; I want the house on the canal that I pass every time I leave my house. Its beautiful and has two (count ’em bitches T-W-O) wrap around porches. Its stunning and painted yellow. And I want it. But, alas, it will never be mine. For one, I’m pretty sure that it’s some sort of “Dive House” where the local divers go to learn to dive. And two it’s not practical to have a house on the canal or right off the highway when you have two beautiful babies. Damn it. I still want it.

This is the dive house. I love it and I want it!!

Matt is not immune to the “I wants” of life either. I think right now he wants cars. And car parts. Maybe a farm. I honestly don’t know. Oh wait. He is also ready to have fishing season open at the local river. Big fun.

My daughter, AM, has by far the worst case. Every single time a toy commercial comes on she screams ” Momma momma!!! Come look! Can we buy one tomorrow?” I always answer with the same response “We’ll see” which always makes her happy.Tomorrow, she forgets.

I have however been that momma who has left a full shopping cart in the middle of the store because of the horrible awful screamin “I wants.” Yes. And yes, I was so god damn mad that if I was not legally obligated to do so, I wouldn’t have made her lunch when we got home.

These are not items you would normally find in my cart.

The screamin “I wants” have also turned me in to a psycho of a momma. One day my little monster wanted a balloon. I told her OK, but I was going to hold it until we got to the car so that it wouldn’t float away. That totally pissed her off and she went ape shit nuts. The woman in front of me stuck her nose in the air and said (TO MY FACE) ” Hmm…. doesn’t look like you are really cut out for motherhood. Don’t you know how to control your child in public? Well my children never acted out, I would be so embarrassed if I where you.”

This is not the actual old hag who schooled me on my parenting

Well, I never.

Let me tell you what I told that old wrinkly witch. I said something to the effect of: ” Well, it must be nice to be the mother of the year. You must be so proud that you have angels for children. She is two and this is normal behavior for a two-year old to throw a fit from time to time. So I am going to ask you kindly to shut your old mouth before any cobwebs fall on to my child and she freaks out some more. Oh and do you have a card? You must be in the business of teaching mothers all around how to raise their children, and since no one I know is nearly as perfect as you I am sure I could bring you lots of money.”

With that, she left her cart and walked out of the store.

The point I am trying to make here is that we all want something, and, not every single one of them will be met. There is no right way to deal with a screamin I want, nor is there a wrong way ( aside from abuse), and the way a momma or daddy deals with it will be different from the way you deal with it. I think dolling out advise on how to raise a child is never welcome unless it is directly asked for, and even then it is very thin ice you will be treading on. Be careful!

May 8, 2012

The Eff word!

by mommahasapottymouth

No no, not that one. The other bad one. Fat. The ugly word that we have all thought at some point or another. And today, my daughter told me I am.

I am not hurt, but, I can not deny the fact that my little girl says what she feels.

This is how the conversation went down:

AM: ” Momma, I like your pretty bracelet”

Me: ” Thank you baby, Nana gave it to me.”

AM: ” Can I have it?? PLEASE?”

Me: ” No baby. This is special to me.”

AM: ” Well you’re too fat for it you know”

Me:” What did you just say?”

AM:” You are. you’re too fat for your bracelet and your make up and you’re pretty shoes and all your pretty dresses. Sorry momma.”

And with that, she walked away. Leaving me like I was just smacked right in the kisser.

So I have decided that she needs to know some things. I plan to print this out and give it to her in her baby book (OK its more of a box) and share it with her on her 16th birthday. Here goes nothing:

  • You are not fat, and you have never been fat a day in your life. Stop obsessing.
  • You are beautiful, and I mean that in every sense. Always remember that.
  • You are a smart girl, always use your brain.
  • There will be hard times, times that you want to give up. Keep going, things always get better.
  • Your heart will get broken, many times. This happens just so you can appreciate love when it does come. And it always comes.
  • When you decide to be a momma, do it unconditionally. With all your heart. Don’t hold back your love for your babies. Ever.
  • Your dreams will only be dreams if you let them be. Do something to make them come true.
  • Mistakes happen. It’s what you do with them that counts. Always learn from them. They happen for a reason.
  • Never regret anything, because everything you are today is because of what you have done.
  • Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you’re not worth it. You will always be worth it.
  • Love. With everything you have, and never stop loving.
  • Someday, you will realize the term ” Because I said so ” is true. And you will use it.
  • If you need help, always ask.
  • Remember that people are not perfect. Nothing is perfect.
  • Don’t ever forget that momma and daddy love you with every thing within their soul. And we will always love you.
  • And, lastly, you will never be too old to be my little girl.

My little love bug!

As for the fat part, I guess its time to get back in shape. I will get to that at some point, I swear.

May 5, 2012

Don’t Pull The Trigger

by mommahasapottymouth

It’s amazing how something can trigger a memory or something from the past. And, its amazing how we deal with those triggers.

Some of us avoid them at all costs.
For me something small will trigger ” black out” like feelings for me. Something like the smell of peaches. Not like mommas peach pie, no like the smell of peach lotion or a peach scented candle. It sends me over the edge. Its horrible and hard to recover, often leaving me feeling like I need a good salt scrub scouring.

Other times its a song. In my case when I hear anything by Pat Benatar I instantly feel good, along with Hootie and the Blow Fish. Feel good songs that always lift up my spirit. Some songs are not the same though. Some remind me of all the wrong I have done and all the times I have hurt someone I love dearly. When I hear them I get so angry. Radio instantly off.

The last trigger for me is sight. When you have not seen something for so long and suddenly it is right in your line of sight, you can not help but to feel something, weather it be good or bad. Seeing my daddy’s boat and older Dodge Ram Trucks (Diesel of course.) Reminds me of the good part of my child hood. But I tell you, when I see a 76 station I cringe and want to vomit. I can sometimes even feel the acid wanting to take over my body. I am not sure why this is such a bad trigger but I also have no want or desire to find out.

How does one over come the “bad” triggers? I once asked a Doctor and he told me exposure. No thank you. The next time I walked into his office he had a peach candle burning, and I have never went back or talked about the peaches since.

Do you have a good or bad trigger? How do you deal with them?

May 1, 2012

Theres an App for that…

by mommahasapottymouth

In a society that is built on looks alone, I am disturbed by this app. I’m sure that it will be a hit at frat parties and drinking games, but I think it is absurd!

 

The app I’m specifically talking about is called “How Ugly Are You?” and it is an iPhone app. I don’t even know where to begin. I have no idea how much it costs, but I do know that it scans the structure of your face, looking for symmetry. And then it gives you a rating from 1 to 10, 10 being the very ugliest.

I guess my concern is the young generation havin smart phones to begin with. They are impressionable. One friend at the lunch table says ” Hey Dorothy, come on over here. I wanna take your picture. It will tell you how pretty you are.” And BAM! she gets a 10. Then what? The girl becomes (or rather tries) to change her self into something that is not needed.

Save the ” parents know what their children download” crap. I used to work for a MAJOR wireless company. There are so many STUPID parents out there that have no idea what their children are doing or looking at its amazing.

(SO this wasn’t supposed to be about kids with cell phones. It’s about apps. I have a post in the works about kids with cell phones. Your gonna love it. I HOPE it gets a debate going. Or someone telling me I am wrong. )

Any who….

So why exactly would one purchase this stupid idea of an app?? I mean really, when you look in the mirror, you honestly know if one side of your face is different then the other, don’t ya??

 

Next look for the dumbest smart phone apps. Yup. I am stooping that low! See y’all later!

 

 

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