Posts tagged ‘romance’

February 17, 2013

The rules of relationships

by mommahasapottymouth

I think the problem I have is that I just care way to god damn much. I care about people who cant seem to fucking return it. I am trying to change that about my self but god damn it, its hard.

The worst thing about not having it returned is the amount of time you invest into something only to watch it crumble. I have sat back and watched all kinds of relationships fail because the lack of caring. After you try to try for so long, you begin think that it’s not going to work, and in the end it does not. I wish that the people who I unconditionally care about would return it, so I am writing these simple rules. Maybe some of you are hurting someone and there is still time to fix the problem??

 

  1. You can have more than 1 friend, but only 1 friend will know you the best. It sucks I know.
  2. Don’t try to make others jealous. We are not in high school. (In the chance that you ARE in fact in high school, listen here: That shit don’t fly in the real world, so just stop now)
  3. Be selfless. Dont expect the favor to be returned every time.
  4. Return the favor if you are always the taker. It goes a long way to preserving a friendship or relationship by showing that you are in fact grateful.
  5. Say your sorry, but don’t say it so much that it loses its meaning.
  6. Say what you mean. Again, who ever it is that this applies to, we are all grown ups for Petes sakes! If your feelings are hurt, FUCKING speak the hell up!!!
  7. A friendship is not a contest. Don’t compete with others for one persons attention. If they are truly your friend/love, there will be no contest.
  8. Know them. I mean really know them. Know the things they hate, and love.
  9. Never speak horrible things and always defend. If your my best buddy or my love, no matter if you are right or wrong, I will always speak good things and I will always defend you to anyone else. It’s just how it works.

But the main thing to being in a relationship or friendship that works is this golden rule:

DON’T LEAVE!

If you still love someone (mushy type or otherwise) you stay by their side, thru thick AND thin. You don’t trade them in for something that sounds better, because when better fails, they may not let you back in.

It turns out that I wish I had a friendship that followed these rules.

 

I found this poem and if my only good friend happens to read this, it pretty much is how I feel.

I Love You Too

Twenty Rules to Being Your Best Friend

1. When you’re depressed, I’ll scare the crap out of you so you’re too busy calming your heart rate to keep being depressed.

2. When you trip and fall flat on your face, I’ll point and laugh, and if anyone else dares, I’ll beat them up to a pulp.

3. When you get a boyfriend you really like, I’ll tease you endlessly about him, and when you’re not looking, I’ll march up to him and warn, “She’s my best friend; you break her heart, I’ll break your face.

4. When you’re blue, I will try my best to dislodge whatever is choking you.

5. When you’re standing by the water or on the diving board, I’ll push you into the water and laugh at you.

6. When you say “I hate you!” I’ll respond “I love you too.”

7. We can never discuss anything serious because whenever we try, we always end up rolling around in laughter.

8. My dream future always includes you.

9. When you grin, I know it’s not necessarily because you’re happy, but because you’re plotting something, and it involves me.

10. When you are trying to avoid somebody, I will invite that somebody to your house, lock you two in your room and demand you make amends or else I’m not unlocking the door.

11. I will humiliate myself to make you laugh when you’re sad.

12. When I discover an incredibly scary video on the Internet or whatnot, I will send it to you just to freak you out.

13. I love you embarrass you.

14. When we laugh, we laugh together. When we cry, we cry together.

15. I can see right through you; I can read your mind; I always know how you feel when I’m in your presence.

16. I will never stop insulting you.

17. I know more about you than you do yourself.

18. Whenever you’re planning a prank, no matter how devious it might be, I want to be a part of it as long as you’re sure you want to go through with it.

19. When we play the Trust game, and you’re falling into my arms, I won’t catch you and I’ll laugh when you topple over onto the ground, but when you fall in real life, I’ll always be there for you.

20. I will always be there for you, no matter how many times I make fun of you.

 

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June 17, 2012

A Letter To My Husband

by mommahasapottymouth

We may not be legally married, but damn it, we may as well be. I don’t think that he hears positive things coming from me to often, and I think that is sad. I should be telling him how much he means to me on a regular basis, not just holidays and birthdays.

My Love,

                 Gosh! Its been so long since I have written to you, it almost feels strange. I’m sorry for that. Today, I realised that I do not say and show you how much I appreciate you very often. I need to change that.

            If someone where to tell me  almost 8 years ago that we would be here to-day raising 2 beautiful babies, I would have laughed in their face. I didn’t really have you pegged as the “daddy-type.” Imagine how surprised I was after AM came home with us? You have the natural “nurture” instinct in you that makes you so amazing. Both of those babies look at you with such love, sometimes, it leaves me a bit jealous. If anyone can say that they were blessed with a man who left them speechless and fulfilled with love, its me. Just watching you with them makes everything worth it. Thank you for being the daddy I have always hope to have for my babies.

              And us!! Look how far we have come! I will admit that we have had some very dark days, but I think that the happy days out number the dark ones. I know we have made mistakes and can not change the past, but I also think we have made some really great decisions together as well. I can tell you, there is no other man who loves me or ever has loved me the way that you do. We may not be romantic, and most days we don’t have our shit together, but we mesh well. We fit together like a puzzle. I couldn’t ask for anything more, because if you ask me, I have everything I have ever wanted and needed. I am truly blessed, and I have you to thank for that.

        If someone would ask me about the future, there is only one thing that I could bet my last breath on, and its that I will always want and need you. I want to grow old with you. I can see us as that cute old couple walking slow and holding hands. I can see us sitting on the porch drinking iced tea and eating pb&j sandwiches. In the last almost 8 years, I can say that the love I feel for you has only grown stronger. And as we have grown as individuals we have grown together. I know what makes you tick. I also know what food to cook when I must have a peace-offering. I know how you feel about most of the hot topics, and, I know what I have to do if you can’t sleep. I know you, it seems, better than I know myself. I always know how the situation will end, as it begins.

         The only thing I hope for us, is that we continue down the road we are on. I know they say nothing is perfect, and I can almost agree. The bickering, joking and rough housing is what makes this perfect to me. I can not imagine who I would be if you had not entered my life, and stayed by my side when EVERYONE in your corner told you to go. I know I am the most difficult person, and I understand that I am needy. But babe, the only thing I need is what I have.

                                                     With All My Love Always,

Windy

I know its corny and long-winded. But I needed to write that. Even if he will never read this, every word is true.

I love him!

 

May 22, 2012

Best Movie Quotes…EVER

by mommahasapottymouth

I have a thing for one liners, a bad thing. Some movies will stay with me until my dying day, just because of one line! I want to share them with you, so you too can be a “One-Liner” fan! Enjoy!

From “Knocked Up”

  • “I wont say it, but it sounds like shmashmortion.”
  • Ben” Do you want to do it doggie style?”

Allison “Your not going to fuck me like a dog.”

          Ben “It’s doggie style. It’s just the style. We don’t have to go outside      or        anything.”

  • Daughter after being asked where she thinks babies come from ” Well. I think a stork, he umm, he drops it down and then, and then, a hole goes in your body and there’s blood everywhere, coming out of your head and then you push your belly button and then your butt falls off and then you hold your butt and you have to dig and you find the little baby.”

From “Big Daddy”

  • Sonny: “Julian what do you want?”
  • Julian: “Thirty packets of ketchup”
  • ” I wipe my own ass! I wipe my own ass.”

From ” Step-Brothers”

  • Robert better not get in my face… ’cause I’ll drop that motherfucker!”
  • “I tea-bagged your drum set”
  • “Mom, I honestly thought I was gonna be raped for a second. He had the craziest look in his eyes. And at one point he said, “Lets get it on.”

From “Anchor Man”

  • “I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly”
  • “Oh Ron, there are literally thousands of other men that I should be with instead, but I am 72 percent sure that I love you.”
  • “I wanna say something. I’m gonna put it out there; if you like it, you can take it, if you don’t, send it right back. I want to be on you.”
  • “He punted Baxter!!!”

From “Anger Management”

  • “I want to have children with you! Children! With your eyes and my… last name! That’s all I want.”
  • “Dave, there are two kinds of angry people in this world: explosive and implosive. Explosive, which is the most common, is the type of individual you see screaming at a grocery store cashier for not taking his coupon. Implosive, the least common, is the cashier at the store who remains quiet at his job day after day until he then finally loses it and just shoots everyone in the store. You’re the cashier.”

From “Fried Green Tomatoes”

  • “I don’t know what’s worse, church or jail.”
  • “That’s right, you gump-face, blown up, baboon-assed bastard! “

And finally, one of my mommas favorite movies:

“Steel Magnolias

  • This is it, I’ve found it, I’m in hell.”
  • ” Well, you know what they say: if you don’t have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me!”
  • “Oh, Sammy’s so confused he don’t know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt”
  • ” I love ya more than my luggage.”
  • ” You are too twisted for color TV!”
  • “I’m not crazy, I’ve just been in a very bad mood 40 years!”
  • “A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste.”
  • “What’s the matter with you these days, M’Lynn? You got a reindeer up your butt?”

 

By the way, my momma knows almost every line to that last one. Its cute sometimes I don’t think she even relies that she is quoting it anymore!

 

April 30, 2012

Romance Movies S U C K

by mommahasapottymouth

I think America ( see, I can’t speak for any other part of the world, I aint ever been there) needs to let go of the idea that romance in the movies is or ever could be real life.

The only thing in life that is magical is something beautiful that you can touch. Like the way that snow makes no sound when it falls and almost silences all other noises. Other than that there is not “magical romance fairy” that is going to come bestow you and your love any type of dust to make things more romantic.

The way I see it, romance ( in very little amounts) is all used up in the beginning. Once the catch has been made. After every one feels comfy that the relationship is worth while and the other is not going anywhere, they both change.

No, I’m not bitter. I learned a while ago that once its gone, sadly its gone and nothing can bring it back.

Here is my list of top offenders in the movie department:

  • P.S. I love you. Seriously I couldn’t finish it. partly because I was crying my eyes out and also because no man thinks like that. Sorry.
  • Ghost. Really?????? Please just read previous entry
  • Pretty Woman. I really did love this one. But you know that guys romance was gone quick. I mean he was expecting a whore.
  • Twilight– this should be up way higher on the list. I love the movies (guilty pleasures, don’t mind if I do!) but for god sakes!!! I know he (like all vampires) was supposed to suck her blood, not make a damn baby!
  • The Notebook. ‘Nuff said
  • Lady and the Tramp. My favorite child hood movie but it had to make the list.

There are many more I am sure. I just feel like my baby girl (and my son) is going to grow up with this expectation that there will always be romance. And that if there isn’t there is something wrong.

I don’t want my daughter to expect flowers or showers of gifts. I don’t want her to think that every time he speaks that butterfly filled poems are going to be what she hears.

I also don’t want that pressure for my son. I don’t want him to feel like he doesn’t fit into society if he doesn’t fill a locker at school with balloons, or have his ol’ lady come home to a path of roses leading to a steamy bath filled with candles and bubbles.

And lastly, because I don’t get that kind of romance!

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