The Top WORST Ways To Wake Momma

by mommahasapottymouth

I like my sleep, it comes in sporadic bursts. I have insomnia and most nights I can not for the life of me sleep. When I do finally get to fall into that sweet slumber, god help the little one who chooses to interrupt it. I’ll give you MY top list for being woke up. Add to it, or share it. The more people who know, the safer they will ultimately be.

This is what I want to be doing

 

  • The phone. Seriously. I hate when anyone calls me when nature (the sleeping kind) calls. And I don’t care that most people are awake at 7am. Most people are also asleep before 2am.
  • Being poked, pushed or tickled. I don’t even like to cuddle when I am sleeping. Please don’t touch me until I am fully awake.
  • A cold nose. My big dogs don’t normally come in my room. But when they manage to sneak in, I seem to be their target. Why?

  • “Momma! Momma! Momma!” Followed quickly by “Are you awake?” No you little turd, I am not. But now that I am, what the hell do you need??
  • A cat rubbing against me. Claws and all. Again, the cats don’t go in my room often, but the little assholes can get in thru a small opening at the bottom of my door if I do not put a freaking pillow in front of it. I hate cat hair.
  • A bed full of dog food. Or cat food. My daughter is obsessed with this shit, and can open the door so quietly you’d swear she is a ninja. I’m not sure what the attraction is, but it is defiantly there. And in my bed.
  • To Mickey Mouse at top volume. I like the mouse, but at 5:30am, I hate him. That goes for anything on TV.

And the number one top way not to wake me up is:

  • TO THROW JUICE ON MY FACE! OK, really it could be anything cold and wet. Just, if you plan to have a decent day and a happy momma, for the love of all that is good, DON’T DO IT!!

You are asking your self what prompted this post? Besides the obvious, (that every one can benefit from knowing this) this is what happened to me this morning. Starting at 2:45am. In that order. Thats what.

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One Comment to “The Top WORST Ways To Wake Momma”

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