Pregnancy isnt all “butterflies and balloons”

by mommahasapottymouth

You know the saying: “Pregnant women are glowing.” You have also met some of those women who “Just love being pregnant.” Well, y’all never met me.


I hated being pregnant. Aside from all of my life having body issues, and gaining so much weight I could have lived off of my reserves for years to come, there where other things I loathed as well.

  1. Body hair. I’m not lying here. It seems that all your hair grows at an unnatural rate when your pregnant, and the bigger you get, the harder it is to get rid of it. I was horrified when I took my first post baby shower, lets just say that.
  2. Dreams. I hated those, because I already have weird ones to begin with. With AM I had a dream that I gave birth to a puppy. Gosh how I loved that puppy. With JR, I dreamed every night for a week that I was trapped in a bubble and my giant ( think Michelin man) baby was out side of it looking like he was going to eat me. (This should have been my first clue to the fact that he was going to grow to be very, *ahem* manly)
  3. Random people’s comments. I was pretty pissed off when my daddy took me to Arbys and the woman at the counter asked how far along I was. Or, later in pregnancy, while walking the mall for the billionth time I was out of breath and tired, an old man walked up to me and ask ” Honey you’re not going to have that baby right here are you?” I seriously thought I was hiding it VERY well. Wrong!!
  4. Clothing. It sucks. nothing fits like it should, because it’s either too tight or way too loose. It’s a no win situation. And the jeans with the belly thing? YUCK!
  5. Baby movement. At first, its awesome I wont lie. But when your precious little one kicks your bowl of hot chicken off your lap, it quickly looses its cuteness. It’s also rather disgusting to see a foot slide across your stomach. Yuck.
  6. Fear. The fear of your water breaking in public or some other inconvenient time is horrifying, to say the very least. You constantly are on high alert like the U.S. military, only with thoughts that people will think you peed your self. Really, it sucks.
  7. Heart burn. Need I say more? No I don’t but I will tell you that even water gave me heartburn!
  8. The need to pee. At night. Grocery shopping. On the short ride from your place to your father in-laws. And it’s not a slight “hmm I may have to pee” feeling. It’s a “GET THE HELL OUTTA MY WAY OR IM GOING TO PEE ON YOUR FOOT” kinda feelin.
  9. Smells. Your nose becomes highly sensitive to smells during this “wonderful” time. I was working a fryer at the time of my first pregnancy and the smell made me so sick I ended up quitting. Or when I went to eat with my family at The Ram, and walked in and was assaulted by the smell of red meat. ( I L O V E read meat so this was a mystery to me)
  10. Emotional. I would call it temporary Bi-Polar. I went on a crying binge one night after watching a video on YouTube, at like 3 am. I also was very indecisive and angry. It’s no wonder my babies have my white-hot temper!
  11. The worst is Labor. With both of my kids my water broke. So with my daughter I woke my momma up with terror in my voice telling her it was time. I was SURE I was going to have that baby in the front seat of her Ford Taurus. (But, I still made sure to get a hot dog from the 7-11 on the way). As it turns out, water breaks do not always equal the arrival of a precious bundle of joy. My DH got off work just at the water started flowing and made it to the hospital (at least an hour drive) after going to my momma and daddy’s house thinking that my daddy was going to show him the way. When that didn’t happen, he found his way parks (according to him) 13 blocks away and is showed to my room just after I finish up my intake. How long? Hour and fifteen. That labor lasted I think 19 and 1/2 hours. With my second, things where about the same, with a few exceptions. I got up at five thinking I peed the bed, changed my undies and BAM! peed again. Being so tired, and lazy feeling, I threw a towel and blanket over the “water” and took my ass back to bed. My DH was fishing, he came home and was cleaning up the fish. About 15 min later, I decided to tell him ” Oh by the way, my water broke.” He thought I was joking so I proudly pointed to the stream of water on my lower leg. Ha ha he didn’t even finish de boning the fish! Another 19 or so hours after my arrival at the hospital, my little bundle arrived.

I am sure there are women who can’t get pregnant who I’ve just pissed off. I’m also sure there are women who will actively disagree with me. All I have to say is that don’t believe that it is the happiest time of your life. In fact, it may be the most horrifying, embarrassing and stressful time of your life. The end result is fantastic, although I wish I could have gotten a ticket ( think DMV) and after 9 months, went to the local Safeway ( I love their cakes) and picked up my baby. Much easier!

So while What To Expect books may prepare you, they also mislead you. Because, really pregnancy is not all butterflies and balloons!

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