I am in love with Dr. Doolittle

by mommahasapottymouth

No silly. Not the character. The real life, human version. Oh sounds like fun, you say? You are funny.

The story for my (he has done this all his life you see) begins with Buddy. The cutest little puppy EVER! I wanted a puppy for a year  (  I also wanted a pig) and on our second Christmas, I walked in after work and his shirt was wiggling all over. Out popped his little head and I was instantly in love. I still have him, and now he’s not so sweet. He hates EVERYONE except me and has a sever case of “grumpy old man” syndrome. But he was my first baby.

Next to enter our life was Diesel. We found him at a work site and he was the friendliest little kitty. One night we had to stay the night out there in the pouring rain and up he jumped into the excavator smelling like diesel. Shortly after he came home with us. About three years ago he disappeared. I miss that guy. I also miss his ability to kill spiders and mice. I think I miss that the most.

Next came Sissy and Natas. One Yellow Lab and one Golden Retriever. He “found” ( I am using that word very loosely) them on his way home from work in the middle of the night. Conveniently, they where (in his “please believe me because I already love them” voice) “Right there in the middle of the road. Babe there aren’t even any street lights on that road! They could have DIED!” Yes it is true. He is nothing if not convincing. Sissy was your every day run of the mill puppy. Sweet and playful and did I mention cute as shit? Well she was! Natas though. Ugh…

This dog is the most loving dog ever. I am saying IS, as in, presently. Her name is SATAN backwards, if that tells you anything. Three days after having her she started having seizures, daily for the next year. I’m not going to lie, I wanted to put her to sleep after the first month of cleaning up her shit and laying on top of her so she wouldn’t bit anyone or hurt her self. It was so tiring. But NOOOO! Dr. Doolittle saved the day. It caused many arguments in my house. We where both being selfish. I was sick of having to take care of the mess alone, and he was in love with the bitch. Well, a year after the seizures stopped, I can say I am honestly glad I didn’t. She is my girl and when the day comes that she does leave me, my heart will be forever broke.

Next comes two stray Cats, Frank and ED. I named them. One day they showed up, he fed them and now they sleep inside my house on my couch.

Next is Figaro and Pete. Both kittens he “rescued from certain death” (again his words, maybe a little dramatic) from his work at the mill. I couldn’t turn them away because he used my daughter against me. Bastard! Figaro looks just like Mini Mouse’s cat, and puts up with FAR too much. Pete is naughty and my boy. He just wants lovins but can’t help getting into trouble

Finally, we have Thumper. You guessed it. A god damn rabbit. Not just any ol rabbit. An EVIL rabbit. I swear to god that this has it out for me. It was the same story (Side of the road… would have died…I already love him..) only this time I was mad. No scratch that. I was PISSED OFF. I mean child hood trauma never really goes away, does it? ( another story entirely) He’s a sneaky little shit too. Did I mention that he lives I N S I D E my house, in my kitchen. I hate him. One night, I figured ” What the hell? The kids are asleep. I should just face my fears and make nice with the little bunny.” Shoot.

As soon as I opened that cage door, he hesitantly came to it. I sat down with the carrot in my hand, gently talking to him. “Its OK. I didn’t mean it when I said I wanted to skin you and make you into Sunday supper.” Well I guess he didn’t believe me because the little fucker flew outta that cage with his talons out and into my lap. I swear never before have I moved so damn fast. That was the last straw. We now have an understanding: I will feed him and clean his shit up if he in turn stays the hell away from me. So far so good.

I forgot to mention that when we meet he had three dogs already. I also left out the stinky turtle who lived in my bathroom and the many fish we’ve had. He says that if we ever get to buy property he wants horses and live stock. All I know is that I can not handle chickens. Birds. Ugh.

Can you see why my night in shining armor is really just Dr. Doolittle in disguise? I know he is a good man and has a good heart, and I know that things could be way worse.

I just pray we never get that property!

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